Sunday, February 24, 2008

Spray Away

I know that I've kind of become a big fan of Europe (especially Sweden) lately. Well, I might become a big fan of Australia as well. Or at least their news. Here's why:

This from the fine folks over yonder at "A would-be robber armed with a sword was repelled by fly spray in a bungled raid on a milk bar in Melbourne's west last night."

(I know! I was expecting the techno-geek S&M crowd of Silicon Valley to be involved as well!)

From that sentence, I have come to the following conclusions:
  • Australian criminals seem to have an affinity for weapons usually wielded only by pirates.
  • Fly spray is seen as a weapon of equal might when pitted against a sword.
  • Milk is enjoyed by so many in Australia that it warrants an establishment dedicated to the bovine beverage.
  • The oh-so-subtle usage of the word "raid" puts right up there with Sweden's News In English. Nice touch.
Now, if you had asked me before I read this story about my impression of Australia, I would have given MUCH different answers than those above. "The land of koalas!" "Home to those crocodile guys (Dundee and Hunter)!" "Maybe Nicole Kidman, but I'm not sure!" Clearly, I was disillusioned. And about more than just Nicole Kidman.

"The man pulled a balaclava over his head as he entered the shop in Somerville Road, Kingsville, shortly before 8pm, police said. "

Isn't that a Greek dessert? Oh, wait, that's baklava. Never mind. What's a balaclava? Well, according to Wikipedia,it's pronounced like this: ˌbæləˈklɑːvə/ Oh, THANKS, Wikipedia guys! THAT helps me! Yes, I'm very familiar with the hybrid "a-e" combo, the miniature "a" and the upside down "e" and the pronunciation of such...IN ENGLISH! Who does that help?! Just for that, I'm going back to pronouncing it like baklava.

Bottom line: It's a ski mask. I don't know why they can't just say that. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Things don't have to be some made up word or consist of Latin initials for things that have real names! So I've heard. :)

"The bandit demanded cash but the shop assistant refused, instead turning a can of fly spray on him and forcing him to flee empty-handed. "

Does empty handed mean without the sword too? Regardless, nice improvisation there, Mr. Milk Bartender Man. The fact that the can of fly spray was so readily available at the milk bar is a little concerning. What concerns me a bit more is that there actually is a milk bar to begin with. I just can't picture watching sports on a big screen TV at a milk bar for some reason. Cartoons? Yes. Sports? Not so much. I'm also picturing those little milking stools instead of barstools, which is very odd.

If you think about it, really, anything that you spray out of a can would be an effective deterrent against an attacker. Hair spray, deodorant, WD-40. All would produce extreme discomfort when sprayed into one's face. I'm just saying that it wouldn't have to be just mace. (Oh, but those mace manufacturers would like you to think that it does. Wait until the world gets wind of the "fly-spray-as-an-attacker-repellent"! That'll show 'em.)

Really, the only exception to "anything you spray out of a can" would be that cheese goo stuff. That really wouldn't do much, I don't think. And what if his weapon was that loaf of assault bread from England?! Then you'd just be making him lunch. Or a light snack.

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1 comment:

Sam Sotiropoulos said...

LOL! I found the balaclava bit extremely funny!

As for Greek dessert, you just might find something of interest on my Greek food blog:
Greek Food

Be Well,

Sam Sotiropoulos