Sunday, February 10, 2008

Mafia 10 Commandments

Apparently, a lot of people want their life to include guidelines, some basic rules, tenets, if you will. I'm guessing it's because when you know the rules, you kinda know what to do and what to expect. And while that makes sense, I had no idea that The Mafia felt the same way about it. The Mafia, yes, that Mafia, has their own version of The Ten Commandments, minus Charlton Heston and minus, well, if you're going solely on the definition of a 'commandment', well, it's missing a couple of those too. Oh, and logic. The document runs into some serious logic issues here and there. However, in reality, that's probably the least of the concerns one should have when it comes to the Mafia.

1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it. I can't really comment on this too much because I don't really get it. They have to get someone else to hang with someone who they already know? I'm picturing a bunch of mob guys constantly being chaperoned. It's not how I've always pictured the mob at all.

2. Never look at the wives of friends. Wives of enemies, on the other hand? Totally up for grabs. Probably not literally, though.

3. Never be seen with cops. Probably also means "Don't be seen ON "COPS"".

4. Don't go to pubs and clubs. I don't know if they differentiate between the two because they rhyme or what. Now, is a bar a pub or a club or is it OK? See, some of these really need clarification if you ask me.

5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty -- even if your wife is about to give birth. I'm just guessing that the old "But, Louie! I can't do the extorting tonight! Loretta's in labor and Vinnie Junior will be here any time!" excuse was getting a little tired with the higher ups.

6. Appointments must be absolutely respected. All dentists throughout Mafialand are thrilled.

7. Wives must be treated with respect. OK, this seemes to totally contradict Commandment Number Five because I'm thinking it is respectful, if your wife is in labor, to be there.

8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth. I guess I'm just surprised at this one. Who knew? Truthful Mafia? OK.

9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families. If this means what it sounds like it means, it's hil-arious. "If someone other than us has the cash, we can't do anything with it." Duh. Welcome to my world.

10. People Who Can't Be Part of Cosa Nostra -- See, not really a "commandment". More like a guideline or the requirements section. Definitely nothing to be "commanded".

-- Anyone who has a close relative in the police. Logical.

-- Anyone with a two-timing relative in the family. That kills me! "Two-timing relative"! I wonder where the definition of "two-timing" is?

-- Anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values. Again, seems to contradict Commandments Five and Nine. And you'd kinda think that the not letching after your buddy's wife would automatically imply the moral standards that the Mafia sets for themselves.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You're sooo funny.

> 1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.
Don't go around telling you're in the organization, idiot. If you have a "friend" who knows another "friend" then it's ok; secrecy.

> 2. Never look at the wives of friends.
Business is business, don't mess personal life with it, hmkay?

> 3. Never be seen with cops.
It's not fashionable for a gentleman of our kind, you see.

> 4. Don't go to pubs and clubs.
Don't complain about your job when you're drunk. At least don't do it in public, moron.

> 5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife is about to give birth.
We support your family by giving you a job. You're on duty, whenever we want.

> 6. Appointments must be absolutely respected.
And you won't have another interview, understood?

> 7. Wives must be treated with respect.
Business is men's stuff. You are free to "complain" to your business counterpart but don't touch his family. Actually this has changed since bosses wifes started to take control of the "family business" while husbands are in prison.

> 8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.
If we are asking, that is.

> 9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.
Our "friends" and affiliated groups (families). We don't want to mess with each other, right? It's more profitable to mess with others.

> 10. People Who Can't Be Part of Cosa Nostra:
- Anyone who has a close relative in the police.
- Anyone with a two-timing relative in the family.
(two-timing as traitor, giving information to the authorities etc)
- Anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values
(respect to the organization and its values)
Check the army/police requirements; pretty much the same applies to any organized armed group.