Sunday, February 24, 2008

Shoplifting Where? In the South.

Some guy in Florida was shoplifting and the cops were called. And I'm sure that it would have turned out just like many other incidents of that nature if the guy hadn't assaulted a police dog. Or removed all of his clothing. I swear.

The guy sees the cops coming to the store where he was stealing from, so he jumps in his car and off he goes. He then crashes his "green Hyundai" (why that is important I really don't know) and takes off into the woods. The police, rather than chase, set up some sort of colored tape barrier which seemingly prevents no one, really, from going underneath and over it at all times. (The police tape isn't really so much of a barrier as much as it is the beginnings of an obstacle course. And the ones that say 'CAUTION' in big ol' letters? Does anyone actually utilize any 'caution' before stepping over it? "Careful! Look both ways before crossing the tape!" I mean, caution from what?! ) After the tape was secure and all had been cautioned, they released the hounds!

Police hound Titan finds the guy, David Clark, naked and covered with "dirt and leaves" trying to conceal himself. Huh?? Why can't you cover yourself AND your clothing with "dirt and leaves" when trying to conceal yourself? Oh, NO! It's much better idea to remove ALL of your clothes FIRST, THEN put on the dirt and leaves! Who does this? (And how much dirt and how many leaves are we talking, exactly? Never mind. It won't help.)

When trying to hide from something or someone, why would taking off your clothes first (or at all) , ever be an option? I can't think of one single circumstance, including this one, where if it were me running from the cops, I'd think, "They're closing in! Better strip!"

So when the dog finds him, he has another brilliant idea and punches the dog. What the hell is wrong with this guy?! But that didn't work (I mean, the dog was still there), so the naked dog puncher grabs poor Titan by his ears and twists. Um, dude, his head is attached! You can't use it as a disguise or anything! The dog is already using it.....for his head! (Besides, you have dirt and leaves.) He finally let go of the dog after a deputy whacked him in the thigh with a baton. Then they arrested him. They should've shot him.

I know it will come as a huge surprise to learn that there were drugs in the guy's car. Also in the vehicle were twelve packs of Mountain Dew, a pair of Hager pants and two Panama Jack hats. The pants and the hats are what had been shoplifted earlier, setting off this fiasco.

So, wait. This guy starts out with pants. THEN, he steals MORE pants! Now he is in possession of at least TWO pairs of pants. (And that is one pair more than most people who start off their day wearing pants end up with!) But yet he still ends up naked! AND covered in dirt and leaves, both of which are highly ineffective as a substitute for a pair of pants! Yeah, they definitely should have shot him.

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