Saturday, February 9, 2008

My Popular WTF Series: I ALWAYS Wear Pants

Although I'm glad that this installment of "WTF" doesn't involve some sort of wayward creature lumbering down Main Street, I never really thought that it would dip into the fashion realm. Oh, but it did. Dip, that is. Actually, it dropped. Far.

There is a company called American Apparel. And while a name like that would tend to lend itself to describing what it sells, I don't know that I would agree in this case. I'm American. I'm in America. This is not (my) American Apparel. I present to you ::drum roll:: the Unisex Flex Fleece V-Neck Sweatshirt:

First things first, it does say "sweatshirt", right? Yes, it does! I asked for clarification because the model has neglected to put on any pants! I'm thinking that she might not realize that she has simply forgotten her pants due to the fact that she is wearing a belt! And a rather long one at that. Now, I'm not Stacy or Clinton, but "belts" do not go with "sweatshirts". I don't know that it's all that complicated, so the real issue is where are her pants?!

I checked the description on the website in hopes that it would clear up this matter. No. It muddled it further. It reads: "A stylish fall/winter piece for men and women. Features a flattering, long and slim cut in the body. Flex Fleece (50% Polyester / 50% Cotton Fleece) construction. V-neck. Matching cuffs and waistband. Unisex size – women may prefer to order one size smaller. " Hmmm....darn. Nothing about needing or not needing to wear pants with it. There are other issues, however.

First issue: Do you think that's what MEN want?! A flattering, long and slim cut in the body?! Since when is that a selling point? I want my MEN to dress like MEN! I do not want my MEN to look like "Drag Queen Ken"! (Sparkly tiara and high heels sold separately.)

Next: "Matching cuffs and waistband." As opposed to NON-matching? I don't think that things that are just a given should be included in the description. "Pants! With TWO legs!" "Gloves! For your hands!"

Continuing: The whole "unisex size" thing? I don't get it. Not sized for either men or women, but definitely not for women, as it would be too big and they should get a smaller one. That sounds an awful lot like "sizing" for "men or women" to me.

What else could there be? How about a link that says, "View a man in this unisex style!" Well, you know I clicked on that. And thank God I did. Otherwise, I wouldn't be showing you this:

To the right, we have the lovely male unisex model posing for us with his "flattering, long and slim body" after placing third in a "Will & Grace" look-alike contest. To his credit, however, he does seem to be wearing pants.

Oh, thank God! More links! "See similar styles here." I must click! Apparently, a similar style is the Velour Long Sleeve Raglan as shown below by this overly enthusiastic model. Judging from the expression on his face, this guy has clearly lost a bet. Or he has just experienced exactly what you'd expect from a guy wearing a pink velour shirt in public. But, he too is wearing pants. I think. (The way this has been going, it could be a mini skirt.) Ladies, you'd better hurry and pick one of these up for your man! You know he wants one! And you want him in one, don't you?

No? Not so much? Not his thing? Not your thing? Well, you're in luck because there is another link to "Styles Men Might Like". The key word here, I believe, is "might", a word commonly used in phrases such as, "Styles men might like", as well as, "And monkeys might fly out of my butt." Here is one of the "styles men might like":

I ask you, "WHERE?! Men WHERE might like this?!"

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