Sunday, July 6, 2008

Ripped From British Headlines

I doubt that there is another American who is a bigger fan of the European press than I am. They're so witty and fun, not to mention blatantly randy at times. Actually, I really like how all of these stories that they masquerade as 'news' would be better suited for a spot in the back pages of the Enquirer (or, since it's Europe, The Enquirere'). But they make me laugh, as opposed to the American press stories which make me cry. Oh, not because of the content. No, it's because of the misspellings and the incorrect word usage that make me weep. That and the ridiculous bias that has weaseled it's way into the press lately. (Oh, come on. You don't believe me?! Obama girl isn't the only one with a crush on Obama. Please. The press has such a boner for Barack that they should just stay seated until the election is over, as to not draw attention to their bulging loins.)

Here's a sampling of just a few of the fine fodder available from our friends across the pond at the Daily Mail Online.

  • Naomi reveals she's been secretly dating a Russian billionaire. - Naomi Campbell has introduced her new man to 12 of her most trusted friends in St. Tropez. (TWELVE of her most trusted friends? A dozen people that she "trusts"? Well, how nice of one of those "trusted" souls to share this information with The Daily Mail. That is precisely why I trust NO ONE. )

  • Why Charlie Drake left just 5,000 out of his 5m fortune. - The comedian blew millions on a racy diet of women, horses and extremely fast cars. (I find it amusing that they have this guy just thrown in the middle of all of the other celebrity news over there. Who is he, anyway? Looks like the English version of either Curly or Shemp.)

    Surgeon's scalpel wreaked havoc with my body, but I still fell in love with him - Jenni Murray reveals her gruelling battle with breast cancer.

  • I was 'duped' into relationship with homosexual clergyman who was once crowned Mr. Gay Auckland - Alice Gower tell how her boyfriend hid his sexuality. (Not from Auckland, he didn't.) (And yes, that is Alice Gower over there on the right. Oh, the irony that she didn't know her spouse was gay.)

  • Life's a beach: Loved-up Kelly Osbourne covers up in the sun - Kelly Osbourne and boyfriend Luke Worrell enjoyed a romantic stroll. (Yes, oh-so-romantic with the throngs of flashbulbs going off in their faces. And that has got to be one of my favorite "status definitions" right there. "Loved-up". That's hil-arious.)

  • The sister that Camilla can't do without...even if it does involve a fee - Why DOES the Duchess pay her oh-so discreet childhood rival 103,000 a year? (It's in the Daily Mail. That's hardly "discreet".)

  • Is Kate Moss finally feeling the effects of time? Kate has splashed out 3,000 to join an exclusive private members gym. (Or maybe she just wants to work out in private, hmmm? Whatever the reason, I think it's safe to say, judging from the pic, that she is NOT feeling the effects of time. She looks fantabulous.)

  • Bikini after babies: Jennifer Lopez slips back into a two-piece - You wouldn't know now that she gained more than three stone while pregnant with her twins. (3 stone is 42 pounds. It's really hard for me to know if that is supposed to be a compliment or not, but it doesn't sound good. Especially considering that she looks absolutely fantastic. Hate to break to folks, but you're going to gain weight if you're having a baby. There's no getting around it. Even if you're Jennifer Lopez.)

Stumble Upon Toolbar Sphere: Related Content

No comments: