Friday, July 11, 2008

I'm A Dinner Jacket = I'm A Dumbass

So, Iran test fired a few missiles the other day. Ballistic missles. The kind that can carry nukes. Joy! Yes. There were about nine of them. Yep, nine. You know, just to remind us what a freaking crazy ass sand country Iran really is (as if we needed reminding). Actually, it's not the entire country that's nuts. It's mainly their president, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad (aka I'm A Dinner Jacket), is the crazed one. Then again, ALL of the Iranian Presidents seem to be a bit crazed. Hmmm. I see a trend.

Regardless, the point of Iran test firing a bunch of missiles was, well, it's hard to tell. Probably part of it had to do with just I'm A Dinner Jacket's need to let the world know that they're over there and they've got missiles. And probably another part of it is to show that they're capable of reaching Israel (a country that Dinner Jacket has expressed a desire to "wipe off the face of the Earth." Nice.). Oh, but of course all of their nuclear power research that they've been trying to do over there has anything to do with their missiles. Oh, no, of course it doesn't. They just want to build nuclear reactors and harness nuclear energy as a power source. You know, like electricity. (Uh-huh. Well, I guess that any day now we can expect PG&E (Pacific Gas & Electric Co.) to start shooting missiles off as well, right?)

Probably the main part of the whole display of Dinner Jacket's manhood (I like to refer to the missiles as his "penis extension") was to tell the world that not only do they have missiles, but they know how to use them. It's just too bad that they couldn't learn how to use PhotoShop as well. At least then when they sent out pictures of their missile launches, other people might not know that they had been altered. Morons.

From the fine, struggling to stay afloat, folks over there at The New York Times, "As news spread across the world of Iran’s provocative missile tests, so did an image of four missiles heading skyward in unison. Unfortunately, it appeared to contain one too many missiles, a point that had not emerged before the photo was used on the front pages of The Los Angeles Times, The Financial Times, The Chicago Tribune and several other newspapers as well as on BBC News, MSNBC, Yahoo! News, and many other major news Web sites." One too many? WTF?

Photos showing the missiles firings were originally distributed by the Agence France-Presse, who said that "it obtained the image from the Web site of Sepah News, the media arm of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards." Fair enough. One of those photos showed four missiles being deployed.

The next day, the Associated Press distributed a photo which looked incredibly similar to the one above. Only the one that the AP had was missing one of the missiles. Oh, really? Really.

Interesting. Well, since then, at least Agence France-Presse has said that the four-missile version photo was “apparently digitally altered by Iranian state media." They also said that, "The fourth missile “has apparently been added in digital retouch to cover a grounded missile that may have failed during the test.” And, thanks to a lovely graphic from the folks over there at the New York Times, the alleged Photoshopping is clearly illustrated to show that the Photoshopping is not alleged. It's real.

You know, if I'm in charge of a sand country and I'm trying to make the world think that my country is capable of launching a bunch of missiles and I'm going to try and hide the fact that at least one of the missiles failed to launch, I'm going to erase the missile from the picture completely! Either that or I'm going to make sure that my minions or my endentured servants or whatever they are know how to use freaking Photoshop so that I don't end up looking like a sneaky, weaselly, moron! But that's just me. Obviously.

Seriously, what a dumbass thing to do. That right there shows the immensity of Dinner Jacket's ego. Look, if you have four missiles and three of them fire and one of them don't, then you have 75% percent of your missiles firing. If that was a pie and someone gave you 75% of it, you'd have a lot of pie! (Mmmmm....pie.) There doesn't seem like a lot of shame in 75% of your missiles (which may or may not be able to be loaded with nuclear warheads to destroy neighboring countries) firing and 25% of your missiles not firing. Especially when there's only four (in the picture). But for ol' Dinner Jacket over there, he had to have everything "perfect". A little "too" perfect, eh, Dinner Jacket?

It's not like PhotoShop doesn't have a tutorial with it or anything like that. They couldn't have asked someone? Oh, wait. Maybe that was the problem right there! Maybe they tried to ask customer service and ended up on hold for so long that they just gave up and hung up! Or maybe they called customer service and when the tech finally answered their call, they couldn't understand him! (You know, because of all of the outsourcing of call centers to foreign lands.) "Hay-LOW. My. Nnnname. Is. JIM-my! HOW. May I he-LP YOU to-DAY?" "Um, I don't think your name is really Jimmy." "Oh, but YES! My. Nnnname. Is. JIM-my! HOW. May I he-LP YOU to-DAY?"

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