- Fish and Chips (Mmmm...fish and chips)
- Yeah Detroit (What? No "Woo-Hoo!" at the end of that?)
- Stallion (Yes, the baby looked just like Sly Stallone. I'm sure of it.)
- Twisty Poi (You can't twist poi, can you? It's like mashed potatoes. They don't twist.)
- Keenan Got Lucy (I had a dog named Lucy, so I find this one particularly disturbing.)
- Sex Fruit (Not that this will make this any better, but it was unclear to me if the last entry on this list was two separate names, ie 1. Keenan Got Lucy, 2. Sex Fruit, OR if it was, in fact, just one name, ie Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit. I just don't know. I think I'd prefer that it's just one name, because if it were TWO names, then that's just one more set of crazy parents out there and we really don't need that, do we?)
Um, WTF, people? Oh, wait. I should have held that comment back until after I shared a few of the names that WERE allowed:
- 16 Bus Shelter (Clearly, where the child was conceived. I can picture it now, although I'd rather not.)
- Benson and Hedges (Twins, it says. As if that makes it all right.)
- Midnight Chardonnay (I picture Midnight Chardonnay having a lot of Afternoon Tequila with a name like that.)
- Hitler (Yes, this child will grow up to be perfectly normal. Sure.)
- Cinderella Beauty Blossom (Oh, how I PRAY that this is a girl's name.)
- Violence (Again, should grow up perfectly normal. What could possibly go wrong?)
Over there at the recorder's office, Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages, explained that the law in New Zealand disallows names that would "cause offense to a reasonable person". ( He also said that they disallow names with "more than 100 characters (glad they narrowed THAT down. Phew! Those folks wanting to name their "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" can now breathe a sigh of relief that they have 61 characters to spare.), that include titles or military rank or that include punctuation marks or numerals. (Thus explaining why it wasn't "Yeah! Detroit!! #1!! Woooo!!"
So, "Stallion" is NOT OK, but sign your kid up to be named "Hitler" because that's just FINE and dandy?! How is "Stallion" offensive to a reasonable person? I understand that it's not reasonable to a reasonable person, but offensive? Compared to "HITLER"?! I think not.
But wait! There's more! (I told you, The Metro is on a roll today!)
Then the Metro provides us with a story about a dwarf who was participating in a show called the Circus of Horrors (trust me, that name is beyond appropriate for this story). It was the aforementioned dwarf who "accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner."
Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf (soon to be renamed Castrated Dan, Just An Idiot) "was taken to a hospital when he became stuck to the machine after misreading superglue instructions." Again, misreading WHAT exactly? The part that says, "If your penis has fallen off, please do not use our product to reattach it. Instead, seek medical help immediately. And bring your severed schlong with you!" Did he think it said "Please use our fabulous product to glue your penis to motorized residential cleaning apparati, and do it now!"?
I guess the gist of his "act" is that he pulls the vacuum across the stage with it attached to...you know....that. Somehow, it's supposed to be attached, but that came loose and so he used the glue to fix it. He only waited 20 seconds instead of 20 minutes before, um, reinsertion and that's when the problem became evident. It took the fine folks at the hospital (who are clearly paid no where near enough when it comes to dealing with things like this) about an hour to remove him from it.
God, I love the foreign press.