Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Lesbians Are Still Lesbians

Wow. Courts all over the place are just making the correct decisions left and right these days. If they're not careful, sanity and logic may break out in judicial systems everywhere. Oh, but I kid. That would never happen.

Today's judiciary sanity comes straight from an Athens court which ruled that lesbians can continue to call themselves lesbians, much to the chagrin of the residents of the Greek island Lesbos, who had argued that the homosexual lesbians were insulting the identity of the islander lesbians. Wait. I think I even confused myself with that one. Take two!

Dimitris Lambrou, a Greek publisher of O Davlos, a magazine with a whopping circulation of 5,000, had filed a lawsuit claiming that only those who were residents of the Greek island Lesbos were the true "Lesbians". Thus, if you weren't from Lesbos, you were not and could not be a "Lesbian", regardless as to your gender or the gender of those that you prefer to do things to that would normally constitute one as a full fledged "lesbian". Therefore, using his "logic", Mr. Lambrou is a Lesbian. And using the same "logic", Ellen DeGeneres is not a Lesbian. Interesting concept, eh?

Mr. Lambrou's lawsuit had been filed sometime back in April on behalf of two residents of LesbosThat's right. Two. One, two. Not two hundred. Not two thousand. Not two hundred thousand. Two. ::sigh:: Anyway, Lesbo A and Lesbo B (as they are known in unofficial court documents, those being this blog) claimed that they were suffering "psychological and moral rape" from the "seizure" of the name of their island by the pilfering gays. (Those gays! On top of being homosexual, they're also name seizers! The nerve!) Mr. Lambrou had made a similar statement in a paper that he authored which was titled, "The Misfortune of Being Lesbian." (Clearly, he did not ask any of those who were of the girl-on-girl lesbian persuasion how misfortunate they felt. Had he asked, my guess would be that the answers would have been "not very". Well, unless they were bitter and alone lesbians. Then their answer might be different. But I digress. A lot.)

According to our friends across the pond at the BBC, the court disagreed with Mr. Lambrou's claim that the "international dominance of the word in its sexual context violated the human rights of the islanders - who call themselves Lesbians - and disgraces them around the world. He argued it caused daily problems to the social life of Lesbos's inhabitants." (So, basically, it is such a disgrace anywhere on the planet to be a lesbian, that just the implication that one is a Lesbian through inhabiting the island of Lesbos will ruin their life forever due to the social stigma that it carries. Look, if the Lesbos Lesbians were having problems with their social life because they were thought of as "lesbians", they really should have tried hitting one of the gay bars and proclaiming that. If nothing else, they'd at least get a free drink or two out of the deal.) The court found no justification for this claim and said that just because they are technically called "lesbians" doesn't mean that it needs to define their identity, just as it doesn't define the identity of the "other" lesbians. You know, the girl liking kind.

But what if he had won? Then what? Then what would the girls who like girls who aren't lesbians anymore call themselves? Oh, come on. You have to know that this dude had already thought that one through! (Well, he thought he did. I'm not so sure. I think he could have thought a little harder.) He even mentioned it in court. His suggestion was that lesbians become "Tribades". He explained that the Greek word "trivo", a verb, means "to rub". Thus, he proclaimed proudly in court, "Those who rub themselves. How would that be?" Um, it would be just how one would think it would be. Absolutely RIDICULOUS!!

So there you have it. Lesbians are still, well, lesbians. But they knew that already. And the residents of Lesbos? Well, they're still Lesbians too. And, actually, Mr. Lambrou is also still a Lesbian. So, congratulations, sir. The only thing after your ridiculous lawsuit that is different than it was before your ridiculous lawsuit is that now a lot more people know what a tool you are.

Thanks again, Athens court making decisions guys. Oh, yeah, thanks a lot!

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