Yes, it's true. Aretha Franklin's Hat, known by some as Hattie (It's catchy. I like it.), is back in the news. Given the size of the thing, it's hard to say if it ever really left. Seriously, when the sunlight hit that thing and those little sparkly things (courtesy of The BeDazzler - Motown Edition) sparkled away, it was like a spy satellite had re-entered the atmosphere and landed atop the Queen of Soul's noggin there. If there is anything that exemplifies "home of the brave" more than that hat, I don't know what it is. But I do know you'd have to be brave to wear such a headcovering in public.
But I might be the only one who feels this way about Hattie. Apparently, the Smithsonian Institute wants the hat. Not to wear, for God sakes! They are putting together an exhibit about the inauguration and want to put the hat in it! The hat needs it's own exhibit. How are they going to fit anything else in there if the hat is there? A Smithsonian spokeswoman, a one Valeska Hilbig said, "We are definitely interested in Aretha’s hat. We have a large collection of American history that includes music and pop culture, and this just makes sense.” Oh, and that's where she's wrong because the last thing that the hat makes is sense!
The peachy folks down there at the Atlanta Journal Constitution are reporting that The Detroit News is reporting that Aretha said (geez, what is this? High school?) that she "...may not be able to part with it." Ah, I see. Because it's too big to get out the door? No? Huh. Interesting. Why then?
“It would be hard to part with my chapeau since it was such a crowning moment in history. I would like to smile every time I look back at it and remember what a great moment it was in American and African-American history. Ten cheers for President Obama.” What the hell is that? That's Aretha's statement she gave The Detroit News? All rightee then, let's take it from the top, shall we?
Look, you're not French. Chapeau? Oh, do you mean her HAT? I swear, people learn one French word that has that little accent sound to it (you know what I mean. When a word ends in a "u" but is pronounced like it's an "o". Sh-ah-pOH. People that love words that end in "u" generally have a hard time pronouncing words that end in the other 25 letters of the alphabet, so take it for what it's worth, will ya?) and the next thing you know, they're throwing the word around all over the place. "Oh, I think I'll need my chapeau for my visit to the chateau of my friend." Yeah, yeah, you need your hat when you go to your buddy's house. I got it. Speak English.) The other word that I've been hearing ever since Hattie sang at the inauguration is "millinery", which is a where hats are made. One who makes the hats is a "milliner" or, in the case of Hattie, a "fruitcake".
And yes, it was a crowning moment. That thing sat atop her head like a big ol' satellite looking crown is what it did. And she would like "to smile every time I look back at it"? Where is this hat? Is she just wearing it around the house now that the inauguration is over? It's not like she can try to get away with wearing it in public again and hope that no one notices! Google Earth would notice if no one else did!! Can't she "remember what a great moment it was in American and African-American history" without the physical presence of the hat? If not, that's going to be unfortunate and difficult if she's ever without the hat. What if someone asks her about what the inauguration was like from where she was? What's she going to say? "Hold on! I'll be right back! I've gotta get my hat and then I'll tell you aalllllll about it!"
Give the Smithsonian the damned hat. Otherwise it will look really silly when the exhibit has a empty large space the size of a piano crate where the hat was to have gone. It will look incomplete is what I'm trying to say.
The other thing I'm trying to say is what is up with the hat?! Apparently, the guy who crafted the hat, the milliner if you will (and if you won't, neither will I, deal?), is a one Mr. Luke Song of Mr. Song Millinery (catchy) in Detroit. Mr. Song says that he has been bombarded by phone calls from people wanting the hat!! For WHAT?! Wait a minute! How many people, you ask? Thousands of phone calls and at least 500 vendors want "the hat"! (Don't worry, Aretha. It won't be exactly like yours! No, these will have a satin ribbon bow, affixed to the hat with horsehair. Don't ask me how I know this crap. I ask myself that same question enough for both of us.) Mr. Song has a backlog of at least three to four weeks for "the hat"! Are you kidding me?! THAT hat?!
Aside from my really, really wanting to know who these people are and where in the hell they're going to wear "the hat" (Can you see yourself standing in line at the grocery store with someone in front of you wearing "the hat"? If in it's the 10 Items or Less line, that hat counts as three items by itself!), I have another question. It's about our "recession". You remember, the one President Barry is supposed to save us from? That's the one! These hats are $179. EACH!! And hundred of people are just willing to throw perfectly good money at Mr. Song in exchange for a satin bowed, BeDazzled headcovering? That's some recession we've got there. Is there some sort of a section in the Economic Stimulus Package that includes hats? Big, felt, bowed, sparkling hats? There should be! Apparently, if the Mr. Song situation is any indication, we could become a nation of milliners overnight if someone popped that into the Stimulus Package.
Maybe those folks who are willing to fork over the $179 for "the hat" are people that have lost their homes to foreclosure and now they're planning on moving into "the hat". Tough economic times, indeed.Sphere: Related Content