Thursday, February 5, 2009

Joe the Dumber

I'm going to begin by quoting the title of an article that is brought to us by the highly amusing and bluntly-to-the-point folks over there at The Inquisitr. The genius that they crafted goes something like this: "Why won't Joe the Dipsh....er..Plumber just go away?" An excellent question that was posed for a valid, yet not so excellent reason. He's back. And he's not just back. He was asked back. On purpose! By the Conservative Working Group. Shoot me. No, wait. Let me finish this first, then shoot.

The ConsShamelessly borrowed from the Stepping Right Up blogervative Working Group is a bunch of staffers up there on Capital Hill, who regularly get together to figure out the strategies and then map out the roads of the Republican Party. They're the ones that tell Congress and the Senate what they think. And they want to know what Joe the Plumber thinks. WHY do they want to know this? I'm confused! Actually, maybe I'm not. I haven't seen much out of any politician or politically involved entity in the past year or so that makes me think that any of them have a brain bigger than a walnut (all newly elected members are exempted from that cranial comparison to the walnut). Thus, if they really are as clueless and as inept and out of touch as they seem to be, they would naturally ask JTP to tell them what he thinks should be done. Right. Of course. Now shoot.

You missed. Damn. Anyway, he had breakfast with these guys on Tuesday morning. And according to him, "It went really well.” What does that mean? You got a free breakfast? I'd consider that as having gone "really well". (I like free food.) But what did he tell them that went "really well"? Again, according to him, his "...advice, essentially, was to take no prisoners in standing up for their beliefs." Aw, crap. And they're listening to this drivel? "Take no prisoners" is not exactly the approach that I want any politician to use. "Take no prisoners" implies that one has a goal in mind and they will achieve that goal no matter what and no one will get in their way and those who do will just be shot down. Not literally, of course, more of a figurative approach in this instance.

You know what happens in a two-party system when one side adopts a "take no prisoners" approach there, Joey? Especially when it's the side that does not have control of the House or the Senate that pulls that? Yeah, the other side does the same thing and everything goes nowhere. That sounds productive. What else did you tell them today, JTP?

"It’s not politically incorrect to say you’re Republican or conservative. They need to dig their heels in and fight for what needs to be done.” And that would be...? Oh, he didn't say, that's right. JTP, if the Republicans are not looked upon in the most favorable of light, you might want to take a look at why that is and see if the reasons are valid. If they're not, then absolutely defend yourself. But if they are? Don't blame others for not liking them for it. (Here's a tip: The Democrats were in control of the House and Senate when W was still President, but since W has that "R" next to his name, all of the other "R"s take on the same stigma as the extremely detested President. You might want to point out that it's been the Democrats that have had control over the passing of bills and the guiding of the country, so if things aren't quite up to par around here these days, they would be the ones to turn to for an explanation as to how we got here. Start with that. See how it goes! You'll be surprised at how many people did not know that the Republicans were not the majority in the House and the Senate since the 2006 elections.)

Oh, Christ, is there more?! What now? He said that there is "no reason to be subtle, as long as folks inform themselves." Um, don't you think that they would have already done that by now? Don't you think a bunch of them are informed? Nice assumption that the general displeasure with politicians (and I'm not buying the "everyone thinks Reps. are evil" stuff. I think both parties are chocked full of more than enough crap weasels to go around.) But here's where we know for sure that if any sort of political staffer is actually listening to JTP and passing his ideas along to the elected officials that we are doomed. Doomed! Ready? He said, " I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white. There’s right and wrong.” And there's also dumb and dumber.

So, what he seems to be saying is that his way is right and everyone else's way is wrong. Interesting. But Joe, in one breath you say that there are not two sides to every story, yet in the next breath you say that "It's black and white." Black and white. That's TWO SIDES!!! "There's right and wrong." TWO SIDES again!! See?! There ARE two sides to every story! You can't even get that straight, but you feel that you're qualified and informed enough to advise moronic congressional staffers who seem to want to hear what you have to say?! Good God, man, what planet are you from? One with only two sides? Or one that's black and white?

Also, "One thing that needs to be done is killing this stimulus package, because it’s just another example of “American government....kicking our butts left and right....It's welfare." You are clearly unfamiliar with the welfare system in this country, JTP, as welfare does not have to be paid back! This stimulus package? Oh, it has to be paid back! By me! And you! And everyone else! And their children! And their dog! And their dog's dog! I wish it was welfare! At least that way I wouldn't be paying it back for the rest of my life! Any suggestions? No? Then pipe down.

When asked about his own political aspirations (Oh, Lordy!), he says that "America will just have to wait six years until his son grows up." (Hey, I'll wait longer than that!) “I don’t know if the American public deserve me, but my son definitely deserves my time now.” What?! If we don't deserve you, King JTP, then sit down, pipe down, and get the hell out! Hey, wait a minute! Weren't you in DC this morning chowing down on pancakes and sausage (which is made out of pork. I'm just sayin'.) with a bunch of staffers? I believe you were. What happened to your SON you just spoke of?!! Aren't you supposed to be spending time with HIM?!?! I don't recall him being at that breakfast! Didn't you just get back from the Gaza Strip where you spent a week pretending that you were a reporter? Was your son with you then?! I don't think he was! Was this a sudden revelation that you had recently? This "caring for my son" act? Spare me. Spare all of us.

Some people's heads are so soft that if I pushed in toward the middle on both sides with my fingers they would end up touching. That's how softheaded someone would have to be to not only listen to this guy, but to actually make an effort to get his opinion! What qualifies his opinion as one that would supersede all other regular people opinions? I suppose if you're looking for an under qualified, fake plumber who most of the country has grown tired of and is starting to loathe then he's your guy!

Shouldn't you be standing in the line of enemy fire in Gaza or something? No? That gig is over? Well, then go home and be a father to your son, JTP and give the rest of us a much needed break from you and your "Monarchy Now!" platform.

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