Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Double the Dip S****s in Flori-duh

Flori-duh, the breeding ground for idiocy. When you hear a story about someone who has done something so unbelievably stupid, nine times out of ten the person and their moronic deed(s) are in Flori-duh. And today is no different except for the fact that there isn't just one idiot, there are two idiots. Two separate idiots but with almost identical asinine stunts! And both of them from where? Flori-duh, that is correct (and not surprising).

We'll start with Dip S_ _ _ #1, a one Armando Merino. (He looks about like what you'd expect someone involved in a story like this would look like.) Mr. Merino (aka Dip S) was in a convenience store attempting to buy beer on Saturday morning. Now, right there, you can see there's going to be a problem. There are two reasons that one buys beer in the morning on a Saturday. One is that you have a function or an event which requires you to have beer. Those events would include tailgate parties, any sporting event (and yes, golf, tennis and beer pong all count!) and college graduation. (Spring break doesn't really count because you're drunk all the time during spring break. It's like a prerequisite of the break in the spring. One must be continually smashed . It's the rule. I'm (fairly) certain of it.) The second reason that one buys beer in the morning on a Saturday is that they still think it's Friday, as they're very drunk and haven't been to bed yet, mainly because they have a hankerin' for some more alcohol. Guess which one of those situations was likely applicable to Mr. Merino's situation? Here's a hint: Not the first one.

Apparently, the clerk at the convenience store refused to sell our hero Dip S the beer. Naturally, that was completely unacceptable to our hero Dip S who began to threaten said clerk for her refusal. The clerk, sensing that situation could get uglier, "called 911 complaining that a customer was threatening her because she wouldn't sell him more alcohol." I'm guessing the folks at 911 are used to phone calls like that. I am also guessing they are not used to the next phone call they got.

A few minutes later, "911 dispatch operators received a second call from the store. This time it came from the customer, Armando Merino, who allegedly used "abusive" language with the operator." Only in Flori-duh.

So Dip S called 911 because she wouldn't sell him beer. According to the arrest report officers "...attempted to calm the man down, however he continued to use abusive language with the clerk as well as the responding officers." Shocking, I know. But if you thought that was shocking, this will really floor you: "Police say the man smelled of alcohol and appeared to be "unsteady" on his feet." Shocked? I thought so!

So we have Senor Stumblebum swearing at the beer sale refusing clerk and swearing at the cops who had responded to two 911 calls, one of them from Dip S himself! I'm sure the audio tape of his 911 call will be released in a couple of days and that's pretty much guaranteed to bring some amusement to the lives of many. In conclusion of this part of the saga, he was booked into jail, he was released later, blah, blah, blah, you know how it ends.

Well, you know how that story ends. What about Dip S #2 with a remarkably similar tale? We go now to Boynton Beach, Flori-duh where we find a one Jean Fortune, a 66 year old man who really likes lemonade, apparently, in the drive-thru of a Burger King. When Mr. Fortune (aka Dip S the Second, or just Dip S II) ordered his food, he was told by the drive-thru cashier that the Burger King did not serve lemonade anymore. That did not bode well with Dip S II.

I will say I can understand being disappointed at not being able to get a lemonade. I like lemonade. I'd be disappointed too. I, however, would not call 911 to voice my displeasure simply because they were out of lemonade. Fries? That's a different story. But lemonade? Come on.

Correct. According to the folks over there at the Palm Beach Post, Dip S II called 911 after he "...became angry when he picked up his order at the window and threatened to call police" and the cashier told him "Go ahead." I think I probably would have responded the same way. Whatever dude. Call away! Have a good time! Say 'hi' to dispatch for me, will ya? Thanks!

Then for five minutes he voiced his complaint to the 911 dispatch personnel. Five minutes. How could one complain for five minutes about the BK not having lemonade? What else is there other than "I'm pissed off because they're out of effing lemonade and I'm quite parched, dammit!" That seems all inclusive right there and it wouldn't have taken five minutes. Then again, he was in Flori-duh and they tend to need extra time sounding out big words and all. But according to Dip S II, he made the call because "I was hungry and I didn't like the way she was acting with the customer."

In the police report it said that Dip S II "...could not explain why he resorted to calling 911 for a "civil dilemma." " As a lame ass attempt at explaining it, the best he could come up with to the SunSentinel.com was "I am not from here and I didn't know I couldn't do that." Was he from the moon? He didn't know you couldn't call 911 because there wasn't any lemonade? I'm pretty sure that even if you weren't told specifically that calling 911 due to a lack of lemonade would be frowned upon, I think one could be expected to noodle that one through themselves. Look at the logo! Does it say "Beverages"? No. And it's an even lamer excuse considering that this doofus "...has been in the U.S. from Haiti for at least 25 years."

Two ridiculous calls to 911 on the same day in the same state. What are the odds? If you're in Flori-duh, the odds are, unfortunately, quite high.

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