Monday, February 9, 2009

You Wore That To The Grammys?

The Grammys are like a horrific car crash that you just cannot bring yourself to look away from. Everything is screaming inside of your head, "Avert your eyes! Avert your gaze!!" And yet you continue to look until you are the one actually screaming, "My eyes! My eyes!!" However, you quickly realize that the pain was worth it because man did you see a lot of really good really bad outfits. Holy cow. Let's review, shall we?

Here we have a one American Idol judge Paula Abdul sporting a lovely bright yellow ensemble that appears to have been inspired by both Big Bird and Queen Nefertiti with just a touch of C3PO on the left shoulder.

Yellow alone is a risky move at the Grammys, but to be inspired by that of a large avian Muppet, a British Star Wars droid and ancient Egypt is definitely treading upon a slippery slope indeed.

This chiquita would be Solange. She must have been in a hurry to make it to the Grammys on time as she ran out the door wearing only her towel. Presumedly the hexagon shaped bag contains her body wash and loofah.

This is Dan Balan. I know that because that's what the caption beneath the photo said when I saw it online. Otherwise, I would have not a clue as to who he was and actually, I still don't. But I do know his name. He was apparently under the impression that the Grammys would be awarded in 3-D and so he brought his own glasses.

I love Cyndi Lauper, but I can't say that this is the best look for her (it's definitely not the best photo). Her facial expressions seem to say, "I cannot believe I am at another one of these things! My God, how many more times do I have to do this and be pleasant about it?"

This individual would be named Tiny, a name seemingly given to her before all of the breast implants.

I saw this photo and wondered how many other of the homeless scored tickets to the Grammys. Turns out, he's not homeless, he's T-Pain. (I'm guessing the "T" stands for "The" as in "The Pain", which is what is experience by those who look at him in that get up.) He has apparently tried to fashion himself some Cat in the Hat head wear out of a paper grocery bag. Nice job. Perhaps take up some origami instead, dude. Sadly, he too received the Dan Balan memo that the Grammys would be in 3-D.

This would be LeAnn Rimes sporting her gladiator costume. Did she leave that helmet with the scrub brush top in the car? It really is the accessory that would have made the whole outfit really pop!

I can't do much less than simply heap praise upon Jennifer Hudson for not only attending the Grammys, but performing as well. I only wish that she had not chosen an outfit which made me wonder why she didn't take that thing off before leaving the dentist.

To the left we have Estelle and below we have Estelle and Kim Kardashian. Estelle has apparently decided to reveal her secret identity as some sort of superhero by attending the Grammys in her crime fighting attire. It's very sparkly. Like a holiday. And Kim has decided to attend dressed as her alter-ego Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell doesn't fight crime, but she makes a very busty sidekick for Estelle, don't you think?

Here we have a very pregnant one M.I.A. There are plenty of things going through my head right now about her outfit, but as far as I can tell, she doesn't have fourteen children, she's only giving birth to one child, not eight, and on top of that she does have a job. So, really, given some other current events in the news lately, I'm not complaining about this one at all. Nope. Nothing bad to say at all.

The three below are from the files of "OMG, Put On Some Clothes!" (Yes! You have an arse and you have a vagina! We KNOW!!! NO need to give us the visual!) Seriously, what are some people thinking when they leave the house wearing an outfit that they borrowed from a very short second grader? Why buy the loaf when they're giving away the slices for free? Granted, I don't think I'd be in the very long line to sample any of that, but you know what I'm saying, right? Put on a freaking parka, correct.

Here we have Coldplay with frontman Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, don't worry; you guys don't look gay at all. Oh, but the circus called and they'd like their ringmaster uniforms back.

Uh, I think the Harry Potter movie auditions are down the hall and to the left, ma'am.

And finally, we have a one Sheryl Crow to which I will say what I think we're all thinking: Wow. Who knew?

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La Belle Canadienne said...

The artists that attend the Grammys are usually poorly sorry I meant to say "strangely" dressed and this year appears to be no exception.

I'm not sure which is worse...Abdul's wannabe-an Egyptian via C3PO (lmao at that comparison cuz it's true) or the prego's bizarre outfit with the horrid sneakers...WTF was she thinking?...but u 4got 2 include her black and white polka dot bikini dress ensemble...ensemble..a word I use cautiously in reference to that outfit..if u can call it an outfit. Panty hose fabric stretched across a bikini top and strip of fabric that strategically covers her magic garden.

I agree with u..I'm sick 2 death of seeing women's a-holes (sorry 4 the vulgarity but they r vulgar) and their other lips...skirts that barely cover their anything with thongs..which are just dental floss up the butt with a bit of dental tape across the front...who wears these icky things?...besides women who want strips of thread and patches of fabric rubbing up and across the private parts? Again no doubt invented by skinny male designers that are attracted 2 other skinny male designers...sigh

Other day I got an email with Japanese women's's retarded beyond belief...I'd send it 2 u if I still have it...but it was really meant for the trash...what is this world coming 2

But at least there was Sheryl Crow...a rose amidst a garden full weeds and dandelions...

monalisa said...

You donno who is Dan Balan??
I can tell ya: he's that same guy who composed the original Numa Numa song some 5 years ago which has now become T.I.'s and Rihanna's another catchy hit!
He's pretty well-known in Europe, and those glasses are the latest Milan fashion, you dumbass!:DDD

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! Some of those people look ridiculous..but not Dan Balan!! I guess somebody doesnt know fashion...that would be you :)
His glasses are actually pretty cool, they perfectly match his outfit and they are part of Crazy Loop!!! Europeans are #1 as far as fashion goes...and Americans are just jealous :P

Mare said...

Hey, Monalisa, I STILL have no idea who Dan Balan is (though I'd still be hard pressed to say that makes me a dumbass). I am familiar with the Numa Numa song. I am also, unfortunately familiar with the latest Milan fashions and if that's all you've got to defend the glasses, it's not going to cut it. They're ridiculous and while very well might be quite cute, I can't tell because all I can see are his wannabe 3-D specs that cover up half of his possibly cute face.

And yes, Anonymous, if there is one person who does not know fashion, it's ME! Hands down, ME! You got that right! Nice job! And if that's what qualifies for "fashion" in Europe (I'm huge in Europe, by the way) then I guess that's why Europe is over there and we're over here. ;)

How come no one ever just sports a witty message T-shirt and some $400 jeans? That would work. Why must they show up dressed like a chicken or half naked or even a half naked chicken or whatever else? Is it possible to have the Grammys not be a half naked freak show? Maybe once? You know, just to try it out and see how it goes. =)

Actually, without the freak show, what would I have to write about? The ups and downs of life as a dumbass, I guess. That doesn't sound interesting (nor something I'd know about) at all.

As for Paula's outfit, Paula looked a, hazy, let's say. It's like she got dressed in the dark and did so with meticulous hair.

monalisa said...

Ok Mare I forgive you for not knowing Dan Balan yet:D though I’m sure you ARE GONNA hear about him in future cause the guy has what I call a potential. Honestly, there’s hardly any other musician/composer so creative and versatile like him. To just introduce him briefly, he was the leading member of the Romanian group O-zone who got famous all over the Europe (and also Japan) with their song Dragostea Din Tei aka Numa Numa song. He then started some more projects including pop-rock band and lately turned back to dance music as Crazy Loop. That’s his newest project.
And those glasses are Crazy Loop’s trademark, he just has to wear them!:D It would not be him without them, you know. I agree they are hmmm... a lil bit weird though...:D But they fit him really well don’t they;)))

And you're so right that without all these people trying hard to entertain us it'd be quite boring, no? Why not be thankful to them for that:P