Tuesday, February 17, 2009

But Dogs Don't Need Clothes

Can you believe it's that time of year for the Carnival of Animals already?! OK, look, I didn't really know there was a time of year for such a thing and now that I do, I've gotta say, I'm not thrilled. People tend to do this mostly with dogs and I really have an aversion to folks putting little outfits on their canines to make them look like something other than a dog. I don't particularly like dogs wearing clothes because...well...see, it's because they're dogs. They don't need clothes! They're dogs! But that doesn't stop people. God no. Nothing does, really. I should know that by now.

Down there at the Copacabana (Her name was Lola...) beach down in Rio de Janeiro, they do this thing every year. And as the Times of Malta tells us, this animal freak show is a precursor to the much larger, much more appropriate Rio carnival which kicks off February 22. I'm still not clear on why it is that a bunch of animals dressed as humans is the correct or accepted or expected way to kick off a carnival for humans that are not dressed like animals. I'm just chalking it up to they're just quirky down there in Rio.

I suppose it could have been worse. I'm pretty sure I've seen worse. But it's for a good cause, so I can't complain too much. It's to promote the welfare of animals. Although I find it odd that in order to promote their welfare they must be dressed up in clothes that they shouldn't be wearing which makes it appear as if we don't care about their welfare (and care even less about their fashion sense). But the people down there really do care and I guess that the animals know it as no one got bit or eaten or anything tragic like that. So let's see who got all dressed up and trotted out for this shindig, shall we?

First off, these are some of the people who are the type of people who dress up their dogs. Yep, that's about what I was expecting. Yep.

Here we have the always hilarious, always lovable Dog Wearing Motorcycle Goggles. These dogs always have their tongue hanging out of their mouth. Always. Even when they're on the motorcycle, that tongue is hanging all the way out. and they just look like they're having a great time. Which is why I don't understand how come if you blow in their face they freak out on you? Dude, you were just on the back of a bike going 75 down the freeway and you're going to yelp and whimper because I went "Poof!" in your snout there? What gives?

This appears to be the somewhat perplexing Dog as an Impromptu Viking. A Viking at Carnival. Huh. Diverse.

At first, I thought this was Crazed Ballerina Dog. Turns out, it's Halloween Bat Dog With a Tutu. You can kind of see the wings there. It's odd.

Here we have Escape From Alcatraz Dog. Looks frightened. Can't say that I blame him.

THIS is Crazed Ballerina Dog! Or should I say, this is Crazed Sunflower Ballerina Dog?! How could I have mistaken Halloween Bat Dog for THIS? Behold!

Not all of the wrongly dressed creatures were dogs. Here is a wrongly dressed cat. I'll call this guy Wizard or Witch Cat (it's hard to tell). Actually, I think I'll call him Angry and Annoyed Wizard or Witch Cat. He does not look happy. Cats, in general, are smarter than dogs when it comes to interpreting their surroundings. Sure, dogs can fetch and sit and stay and do all of that stuff, but they also act like morons half of the time. Cats are fully aware of what is moronic and what is not (and if you're asking a cat, cats are not moronic), which is why AAWWC does not look thrilled.

And here is a little sad looking Chihuahua with a day-glo pink pillbox hat and matching outfit. Oh, the humanity.

Animals dressed as humans. Not my favorite. How come we never see animals dressed up like other animals? That might just confuse the hell out of all of them, wouldn't it? Dogs dressed like cats, cats dressed like dogs, it'd be mayhem in the streets! Dogs chasing after dogs that they thought were cats (Oh, Spot! Is that you? Sorry!), cats snickering to themselves (as they always do over in a corner somewhere). And while I realize that they're animals and they probably don't know that they look ridiculous, I think that they do know that they're not supposed to be wearing clothes. They've never had them on before, they don't have them on most of the time, I think they're onto that. Isn't there some other way to promote the welfare of animals that doesn't involve dressing them like humans? There has to be. How about just have them wear sandwich boards with your message on them? It'd be direct!

To recap, they're dogs. They don't need clothes. Why? Because they're dogs.

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