Friday, January 9, 2009

Things To Be Learned During The Day

I've learned several things today. All of which I could have done without learning for quite some time. At the very least, could I not have learned them during a time when I shouldn't have been sleeping?

One, I've learned to not believe everything on the Internet. Except for porn. Porn's real. Porn really happens that way. The next time I order a pizza, I fully expect wild sex to erupt and the pizza to be forgotten until it's over. Porn's real. (Isn't it?) Everything else? Who the hell knows?

Two, I've learned that if you're going to order something from Canada, America's Hat, and it says that it is "simple" to install, it isn't. Actually, if you order anything from anywhere that claims to be "simple" to install, it isn't. You'll be lucky if you get any sleep. Ever again.

Three, when the company says that they don't have written instructions on how to install their product, but that there is a fine video on YouTube that, again, is not of their product per se, but does show you what to do in order to install their product, that should be a sign that things may not go as well as you'd like.





Four, if your purchase without instructions (but with a URL to go to and watch a video on YouTube) arrives six days later when you paid for Express Overnight Delivery, that is, again, just a sign of things to come.

Five, if your purchase involves taking your friend's beloved Blackberry apart so that you can put a spiffy new case on it, take care not to strip those teeny tiny little screws that are in there. They're important. And if you do strip them, try to not do it when you have it put together incorrectly so that you are then left to figure out how to remove said stripped screws.

Six, when you figure out that you need some pliers and it's 11 o'clock at night and you have your friend's Blackberry in about 27 different pieces, try and not have that happen if she doesn't own any pliers and you're at her place. Because that's when you realize that you have to drive the 20-ish miles through the treacherous canyon back to your place to get the pliers, fix the Blackberry, put it back together (now with spiffy new case!) and then drive the 20-ish miles back to your friend's place to drop it off and then drive the 20-ish miles back home again in time to write something witty for your blog.

Seven, if as your leaving your friend's house with the multi-pieced Blackberry in hand on your quest to find pliers, and she happens to tell you that she has total confidence in you that you can take care of it and all will be good by morning (and that she wouldn't have that confidence in anyone else but you), don't screw it up. (That is why I prefer that people have extremely low expectations of me. I want people to think that I can't do squat. That way they're always pleasantly surprised when anything I do, no matter how insignificant it is, actually occurs. Having these expectations of "I know you can do it" is just a nerve wracking experience. I don't know how any of you achievers (not "over", just "achievers") do it.

Eight, when you get back home after all of the above, realize why you did it and then bask in the fact that you have a friend that's totally worth doing all of that for. Because for that ordeal, they're one heckuva friend and you'd better be thankful that you have someone like that around.

And now I'm just going to hope like crazy that the damn thing still works when she flips it on in the morning. And if it does, hall-e-freaking-lu-yah. But not just because she'll be happy, but because it's kinda nice to be the hero. And after that? Write yourself a strongly worded email to those Canucks in America's Hat and tell them what you think of their easy to install, five days late, without instructions product.

Yeah, that should just about do it.

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2 comments:

La Belle Canadienne formerly America's Hat Not Underwear said...

Darlin' the blackberry cover was probably made where everything else in Canada is made....CHINA!

But hey, we Canadians have invented some pretty nifty things...check out this link:

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/418928

Just think Mare it could have been worse...u could have had 2 call INDIA for instructions! LOL!

Besides this was a chance to impress ur gal pal...so just as well it came with no instructions that were probably initially written in Chinese...Try our poutine...it's 2 die 4... :)

Mare said...

HA! You're probably right! It probably WAS made in China (right next to all of the melamine-y pet food)!

All right, all right. I'll give America's Hat a pass on this one, but just this once! Anything else without instructions that keeps me up half of the night and driving all over the place and they will be dead to me!

And that's quite a list of Canadian inventors there! My favorite? The retractable beer carton handle! YES! Long live America's Hat!