Saturday, January 3, 2009

An Obscenity-Laden Welcome to 2009

You've gotta love Kathy Griffin, don't you? You do. Trust me, you do. Even if you don't , you know you do. She's awesome. What's not to love? She tells it like it is with language saltier than that of the saltiest sailor, she's pretty damn funny, she titles her albums things like 'Strong Black Woman' (and if you have seen Kathy Griffin ever you know that about the one thing that she is not is a strong, black woman), and she has built her career around her own shortcomings. Oh, if we could all only be so fortunate as to figure out how to do such a thing and be successful at it. (Sure, I've tried, but one of my shortcomings is shortcoming. It's sort of a conundrum wrapped in an enigma or a blanket or something. Either way, it ain't happenin' any time soon for me like that!) Oh, and Kathy Griffin is also the heir apparent to the Fag Hag Throne whenever it's vacated by Cher. She'll do just fine (only without the singing, the long black hair and that short little guy. Oh, wait. Cher doesn't have him either. Never mind.) She's great. Please, give her more events to host. Or to win. Soon!

You may or may not be aware of Kathy's mark that she has made at the Emmy awards in the past couple of years. Aside from asking stars on the red carpet for their opinions about 12-year old Dakota Fanning being in rehab (she wasn't, but how funny is that?!), or causing a "scene" (which she had planned out ahead of time if she lost) when her Emmy nominated show (My Life on the D-List) lost to Extreme Home Makeover or some tear-jerking/feel good reality show like that, it's even better when she wins! When her show did win for Best Reality Series and she accepted the award, her speech went something like this: "A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it were up to him, Cesar Milan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is "Suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now!" If you're interested in the real thing, the video clip is below. I highly recommend it, as it's quite funny. Of course, I was one of the ten or so people that actually thought so, apparently.

I mean, can you imagine? People being offended? Go figure. Naturally, those words were cut from the telecast (but, mind you, a video called "Dick in a Box" can WIN an Emmy and that seems to be just fine because apparently things are rather bass-ackwards in the censorship department at the Emmys) because they might "offend" people. When asked about that possibility Kathy Griffin replied, "I hope I offended some people. I didn't want to win the Emmy for nothing." You're starting to like her more, aren't you? I told you so! Oh, and according to Reuters, naturally a "...Roman Catholic group, the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, which condemned Griffin's remarks as "obscene and blasphemous." Of course they did. It wouldn't be a controversy if some group didn't have to pipe up and be offended all over the place. Spare me. "Griffin's reaction to the imbroglio, according to a statement issued by her publicist: "Am I the only Catholic left with a sense of humor?" " Most excellent. Rock on, funny woman. Rock on! So she did.

Somehow she ended up hosting the New Year's Eve Ball Drop in New York City with a one Anderson Cooper (whose mother is....? Gloria Vanderbilt, that is correct. Who knew? Just a little bit of trivia that you won't find in other blog posts about Kathy Griffin. Keep it in mind. You might need it someday.). Now, her show might be called "My Life on the D-List" but the "D" is just a "D". It's not supposed to stand for anything! It's not supposed to be her signature letter or anything! She might have forgotten that part. Or, at the very least, she might have forgotten that she had TV cameras pointed at her in the middle of the night, outside, in a very, very cold New York as she hosted this Ball Drop thing.

OK, so there she is with Anderson Cooper and they're just chatting it up right before they go to a commercial and some observer who had been...well, observing was giving her a hard time. So as the picture fades to the live aerial shot as they go to commercial, Kathy must have thought her mike was off. That could explain why she chose then to go off on the guy. Then again, just being Kathy Griffin could explain why she chose then to go off on the guy. Regardless as to the reason, the retort was priceless. It was also the first live, on-air, "swearing" of 2009. Ring it in, Griffin!

She said, "Shut up!! Do you know what? Screw you! I'm working! Why don't you get a job, buddy!? I don't go to your job and knock the d**ks out of your mouth." Welcome, 2009!! Quick! Check out the video clip of it below before the FCC has their obligatory heart attack over something like this and pulls it!

I will say that I would have been a little disappointed if that was all that she said that was controversial during the entire time she was on Anderson Cooper's show. But I'm not disappointed because that wasn't all she said! Oh, no! That's right! There's more! She apparently said that she wanted to "get a pap smear from Dr. Sanjay Gupta (the CNN medical reporter)." And she also referred to Glenn Beck (who used to host a show on CNN) as a "heroin addict Mormon." Excellent.

On her website,, there's really not much of a mention that she said "d*ck", "pap smear" and "heroin addict Mormon". Probably because it's just another day in the life of Kathy Griffin, not "controversial news" like some media outlets would like everyone to believe (because they believe it). And news or not, just keep putting her in front of the cameras. She has bills to pay just like everyone else, you know. And who doesn't need entertainment? Crass, foul-mouthed entertainment. We all do! Just go easy on her, FCC guys. Just because she said "d*ck" and it wasn't followed by "in a box" doesn't mean that you need to make a big deal about it. Should she put it to music next time? Would that help? I thought so. Excellent.

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