Monday, January 19, 2009

Plenty of Balls

Change is coming! I distinctly remember someone saying that they distinctly remember being promised change. And that change is almost here! Or so they say. ::::sigh::::: There's going to be some changes all right, but I don't know if they're the ones that a lot of people seem to think that they're going to be. I think the 'change' is going to be in people's overly optimistic attitudes from 'Yay!' to "WTF?" I'm sure there will be change, but it certainly won't be overnight. I wish I could remember where Barry was when he gave a speech which contained the line, "We are the ones we've been waiting for." Huh. Um, Barry? Yeah, do you happen to know what took us so long? Did we just wake up late? Long weekend? Where've we been?

Actually, it's probably a good thing that change won't be coming overnight because there's no way that Barry would be able to oversee it. After all of the swearing in (which, incidentally, usually contains almost no swear words) it is strangely customary for the newly elected President and his newly appointed (by default) First Lady to attend a number of Inaugural Balls. Now, why on earth there needs to be more than one ball, I have no idea, but the whole Inaugural Ball tradition has been going on since James Madison was elected in 1809 and there doesn't seem to be any sign that it's going to let up any time soon.

But things were easier back in 1809 as opposed to 2009. Back then, James Madison had to attend A Inaugural Ball. Singular. One. Barry, on the other hand, will not be so fortunate. No, him and Michelle will be making their way to not one, not two, but ten, yes ten, TEN freaking Inaugural Balls. And those are just the official Inaugural Balls. There are, of course, several other unofficial balls. Why anyone would want to attend a ball of any sort is beyond me. Inaugural balls would be no exception to that sentiment. I've read accounts of them being hot, loud and very crowded (which is kind of how I'd describe my trip to the grocery store this evening. Why would I need an Inaugural Ball to accomplish that when I have Safeway!?).

With all of the "change" that Changey McOptimism there has promised us, is it really a good plan for him to go to so many balls? He'll be plum tuckered out the next day I would imagine. And it's hard to whip up a bunch of change when you're exhausted. Never mind if he spends some of his evening turning water into wine or parting large bodies of water as well. He'd have to sleep for a week to recover from all of that in one evening, wouldn't you think?

I can't imagine that Barry or Michelle are looking forward to the ball hopping on Tuesday. They just don't seem like the ball hopping type of folks. And here's what they don't have to look forward to...Behold! A list of the Official Inaugural Balls:

  • Neighborhood Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Obama Home States (Illinois and Hawaii) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Biden Home States (Pennsylvania and Delaware) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Midwest Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Mid-Atlantic Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Western Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.
  • Commander in Chief’s Ball at the National Building Museum.
  • Southern Inaugural Ball at the National Guard Armory.
  • Eastern Inaugural Ball at Union Station.
  • Youth Inaugural Ball at the Washington Hilton.

Again, those are the official Inaugural Balls. Behold! A list of the really silly sounding unofficial Inaugural Balls:

  • Congressional Black Caucus Inaugural Ball at the Capitol Hilton.
  • Creative Coalition Inaugural Ball at the Harman Center for the Arts.
  • Recording Industry Association of America’s ball for Feeding America.
  • BET’s Inaugural Ball at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
  • Africa on the Potomac inaugural celebration at Crystal Gateway Marriott in Arlington, Va.
  • American Music Inaugural Ball at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel.
  • Inaugural Purple Ball at the Fairmont Hotel.
  • Human Rights Campaign’s Equality Ball at the Renaissance Mayflower Hotel.
  • Inaugural Peace Ball at the Smithsonian National Postal Museum.
  • Impact Film Fund ball.

Um, what the hell are those? Africa on the Potomac?? Um, no it isn't! At first, I thought that the Inaugural Purple Ball was being hosted by Prince. But, as it turns out, it seems to be help out the UNCF (UNCF stands for "United African-American College Fund". Why there hasn't been a name change over there, I couldn't fathom a guess.) and to honor veterans and troops. Tickets ran from $5,000, $2,000, $1,000 and $500 and all of those are sold out. (It's nice to know that in the middle of this great economic crisis that there's still plenty of cash flowing around out there somewhere, isn't it?)

The Impact Film Fund ball was a bit trickier to pin down on what it's cause was (other than celebrating the arrival of the new Messiah), but I can tell you that Kanye West is 99.9% certain to perform at it! How's that for exciting, eh?!

The Inaugural Peace Ball being held at the Smithsonian National Postal Museum sounds like a little get together that's sure to bring down the house, doesn't it? Yeah, not quite. A ball at a postal museum. I think I'd probably rather have a root canal.

The Creative Coalition Inaugural Ball is sponsored by Pepsi and seems to cater to the famous for acting crowd. Some ticket packages for that event went for $100,000. That got you 50 VIP admissions to the Inaugural Ball and 20 admissions to the pre-Ball VIP dinner. So, wait. Fifty of you get to go to the ball, but only twenty of you get to eat? For one hundred thousand dollars? Now that's some change! For a hundred grand, I could not only feed all fifty of my guests, but continue to do so every day for the next ten years! I don't know how I'd feel if I received an invite that said "Ball ONLY" on it. I probably wouldn't feel too badly about it...until I learned that it was $100,000 and then I'd be pissed that I wasn't getting fed for some reason.

But that is clearly a rip off because if you buy the next package down (The Gold Package) from that one (The Platinum Package) you get 16 VIP admissions to the Inaugural Ball and only 4 admissions to the pre-Ball chow line. And that will still end up running you $50,000. So you're paying half the price of the Platinum Package, but you're getting far less than half of what they got. This isn't a McDonald's Value Meal we're talking about, so I'm thinking that things should be pretty much proportionate across the board. But they're not. (See? That's not change! The one's with more money get more! Re-dis-trib-ute! Re-dis-trib-ute!) With the Platinum deal, 40% of the folks get to eat, but in the Gold deal, only 25% get to eat. That's not the socialist economy I remember hearing promised to us!

How are the four of you that are getting fed going to explain that to the other twelve who aren't? "Uh, well, we didn't realize that not everyone would be able to go. But I brought you this roll! It's warm, 'cause it's been in my pocket for the last half hour! Where are you going? Don't leave! It's a PRESIDENTIAL roll!!"

Basically, all of the unofficial balls are put on by the entertainment industry and a bunch of other Hollywood tools. The official balls are put on by the political industry and a bunch of other Washington, DC tools. Either way, it sounds like a self-important tool fest. Barry will be sworn in at noon, EST. Afterwards, he will give a speech that you will hear endlessly repeated and or quoted until he is up for re-election in 2012. People will weep. Dogs will bark. I don't know when the Presidential bedtime is, but Barry will have from, let's say 1pm onward to attend ten Inaugural Balls. Doesn't that sound like how you'd want to spend your first day on the job? Who's watching the country while he's off boogie-ing with Michelle? (Don't tell me it's that Biden guy. I haven't seen him in months. Is he still alive?)

Good lucky, Barry. I don't know if I'm going to recognize the change right away, but if that's how your life is going to be, you will! Good luck with that.

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La Belle Canadienne said...

I had the misfortune of flipping the channel and accidentally landing on that corporation known as Opie or Oprah. I think this woman is happier than Barry and his wife with the results of the election. While it's great 2 c a person of color run the great ol' US of A since most of the world is not white...Opie is acting like Barry is Jesus himself...give me a break already.

Heck if I didn't know better I'd say she won the election. I'm waiting for her to orgasm in public when he is sworn in...oh sorry she is the professional "crier in public". Some1 get her some kleenex.

I am also amazed at how people think this dude is going 2 change the world and give it hope and fix the mess that the Bushman left behind. Come on...who voted Bushman in in the first place. Did you check out the pre-inaugural extravaganza on sunday...a whose who of music and film stars.

Poor Barry has nowhere 2 go but down. Charismatic speaker or not, unemployed Americans will forget that he said it won't be fixed overnight and start to lose patience soon and fast.I liked your comparison to the Messiah. Maybe he is really Santa Claus. I don't know.

I hope he survives the 4 yrs but really what can he do to make it all better. The country will still be bankrupt in 4 years and the Middle East peace process will still be elusive and imaginary. Iraq will be a chaotic mess once the troops leave and Afghanistan will still be a center for drug harvesting and sales.

Mr. American Messiah better enjoy all of those balls (esp. the purple the invite) cuz it may be the last time he has fun again for the next 4 yrs.

La Belle Canadienne said...

This is what I mean:

"I feel like I am better because of his being elected," Winfrey said. "And I think that the country is going to be better. I feel like it is a beautiful thing, and we all start to see ourselves differently, the possibility."

Winfrey ended the show by singing along with the musicians to the chorus of "America's Song," written by Foster and at Oprah's request. She said the performance came together in a week and is available for free download on for 24 hours after the show's airing.

Where oh where is my barf bag. I wonder if he will get a show like Dr. Phil did? Hmmmm

Mare said...

OH, boy. Are you going to LOVE my post for Tuesday (you know, the day of the Second Coming). Not only do I address the delusional (WITH audio AND video!), I also point out that lately Barry has been slipping into his talks that "everyone is going to need to work hard and sacrifice" in order for things to be fixed. I don't think that's the kind of "change" people had in mind. But some distinctly remember being promised "change", and "change" they WILL get. They're just going to be really surprised with what KIND of change it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and watch Oprah cry. Thanks for the tip! ~M