Monday, January 12, 2009

Oh Say Can You Ski

I've had vacations go awry before. Oh, nothing too serious. (I've never been arrested more than once on any given venture!) I've even had some mishaps while on ski trips. (That of course was before I realized that I suck at skiing and should not do it anymore. Ever.) But none of my mishaps on any of my vacations, including those that involved skiing and snow and the occasional chairlift or two, none of them compared to the incredible misfortune of a man who was skiing at Vail last week.

(Side note: This post contains images which could be considered NSFW. I guess it all depends on where you W. But if your W has issues with photos of the scantily clad nature, then this post is NSF your W. Just so you know. No one likes that kind of a surprise.)

Here's what happened: A guy gets on the chairlift at Blue Sky Basin in Vail. The chairlift seat didn't get put all the way down. (Perhaps due to a lazy/incompetent/inattentive lift operator, who knows? But it wasn't down. That much is clear. Oh, and so much more becomes clear shortly thereafter.) So when the guy gets on the lift, he somehow slips through the opening (which wouldn't have been there if the seat had been down) while he was boarding the chairlift. It is either a good thing or not that he had skis on and he didn't fall all the way to the ground (which wasn't all that far; he would have been fine if he had fallen all the way through. Annoyed, but fine.) On the one hand, he didn't fall. On the other hand, he didn't fall.

When the ski got stuck, somehow, the guy's ski pants got stuck also. So as he fell, the ski stayed and the pants stayed. And he did not. Behold!

PASS! We said show us your ski PASS, sir!! PASS!!

Yes. (Or NO!) Yes, the man dangled that way for approximately 15-20 minutes before he was rescued/removed from the chairlift. 15-20 minutes with no pants, upside down, on a chairlift, at Vail. There must have been some serious shrinkage going on during that escapade. Probably afterwards as well.

But that's not really what I consider to be the most amazing part. The most amazing part is that so far the man has not been identified. That's correct. In this day of everybody knowing everything about everyone, no one knows who this guy is. Thank God for that. The closest thing to any sort of identification (other than he WAS male) was that he is 48 years old. That's it. No name. No hometown. Nothing. Just a regular ol' 48 year old, pantsless male, skiing at Vail. Good enough.

The fact that it's reported that the guy is 48 tells me that someone knows who he is. And sir or ma'am, you are my hero. Way to go for keeping that to yourself. It isn't necessary to be absolutely humiliated through no fault of your own by having pictures of your frozen, white ass broadcast all over the Internet with your name attached to them. No face and no name? I'm OK with that. And again, major kudos to those of you keeping the guy's name under wraps.

I'll be interested to see if it can stay this way. I'm sure that plenty of publications out there are offering a sum (translation: huge wad) of money for the guy's name. And if it somehow manages to stay under wraps, more power to everyone involved in that effort. Because money isn't everything. Vail Blue Sky Basin ski pass: $95. New ski pants: $75. Hanging upside down from the chairlift without said ski pants: Priceless.

See? There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's the Internet.

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