The Facebook Is Flawless

Do you know who Karl Lagerfeld is? Me neither. Well, I didn't until I read this little piece over at something called Styleite. That's where I learned that Mr. Lagerfeld is some sort of German fashion designer. It's also where I learned that he doesn't know squat about technology. I'm not saying that the guy needs to know about technology. After all, he designs fashion. Does he need to know about technology? I'm not saying that he does, but he might want to be aware of what certain aspects of technology are. You know. Just in case he's asked about it or something. At least then he won't sound like he's on the brink of dementia. (By the way, Mr. Lagerfeld is pictured below. Is he from the future?)

He gave an interview to The Luxury Channel. (In other news, there's a Luxury Channel.) He was "... asked to describe technology he finds "amazing". He gave a rather long and extremely odd response. He answered, "Facebook is a flawless object. It’s for me like a Brancusi. As I told you, I got one as a gift in gold — in white gold. And the BlackBerry too, and the iPod. I have all those from a gift, I wouldn’t buy it. But somebody gave me all those things in white gold. They are beautiful objects on the table — they are stunning. I don’t use them because I don’t have to use them." Wait a minute. What now?

That statement begs more questions than it answers. He finds Facebook to be "a flawless object"? Um, dude, I'm not so sure that I'd classify Facebook as an object. Maybe you're thinking of something else. In fact, I'm going to have to assume that you're thinking of something else, as I don't know how you would receive a Facebook in white gold. (By the way, in case you were wondering, Brancusi is an artist. Thus, "a Brancusi" would be one of his works. Yeah, I'm definitely thinking that this guy is confused.)

Next up, the BlackBerry and the iPod. I guess I didn't realize that you could get either one of those in white gold, but I guess that it doesn't surprise me. Anyone can make a case out of anything these days. The folks over at Engadget have some pictures of a BlackBerry 8700 encased in 18k white gold. Behold!

Yeah, I don't know if I'd consider that "stunning" the way that Mr. Lagerfeld does. It's a bit garish for my tastes. Maybe they've improved since the 8700, though. AllTechnoBlog reports on a white gold iPod 4G. It's definitely more slick than the BlackBerry, but it still seems like a mugging waiting to happen. Behold!

But I digress. Back to his statement. Sooooo...he doesn't actually use these things? They just sit around looking all pretty and sparkly to him? Look, if he's not going to actually USE stuff, I don't know that he should be asked his opinion on it. If someone wants to know about the aesthetic properties of a certain piece of technology, then I think he would be the perfect person to consult about that. But the guy thinks that Facebook is a tangible object. On top of that, he thinks it's flawless. Clearly, he's never used Facebook. And I'm guessing that, until someone explains it to him in a little more detail, he never will.

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Things To Be Learned During The Day

I've learned several things today. All of which I could have done without learning for quite some time. At the very least, could I not have learned them during a time when I shouldn't have been sleeping?

One, I've learned to not believe everything on the Internet. Except for porn. Porn's real. Porn really happens that way. The next time I order a pizza, I fully expect wild sex to erupt and the pizza to be forgotten until it's over. Porn's real. (Isn't it?) Everything else? Who the hell knows?

Two, I've learned that if you're going to order something from Canada, America's Hat, and it says that it is "simple" to install, it isn't. Actually, if you order anything from anywhere that claims to be "simple" to install, it isn't. You'll be lucky if you get any sleep. Ever again.

Three, when the company says that they don't have written instructions on how to install their product, but that there is a fine video on YouTube that, again, is not of their product per se, but does show you what to do in order to install their product, that should be a sign that things may not go as well as you'd like.

Four, if your purchase without instructions (but with a URL to go to and watch a video on YouTube) arrives six days later when you paid for Express Overnight Delivery, that is, again, just a sign of things to come.

Five, if your purchase involves taking your friend's beloved Blackberry apart so that you can put a spiffy new case on it, take care not to strip those teeny tiny little screws that are in there. They're important. And if you do strip them, try to not do it when you have it put together incorrectly so that you are then left to figure out how to remove said stripped screws.

Six, when you figure out that you need some pliers and it's 11 o'clock at night and you have your friend's Blackberry in about 27 different pieces, try and not have that happen if she doesn't own any pliers and you're at her place. Because that's when you realize that you have to drive the 20-ish miles through the treacherous canyon back to your place to get the pliers, fix the Blackberry, put it back together (now with spiffy new case!) and then drive the 20-ish miles back to your friend's place to drop it off and then drive the 20-ish miles back home again in time to write something witty for your blog.

Seven, if as your leaving your friend's house with the multi-pieced Blackberry in hand on your quest to find pliers, and she happens to tell you that she has total confidence in you that you can take care of it and all will be good by morning (and that she wouldn't have that confidence in anyone else but you), don't screw it up. (That is why I prefer that people have extremely low expectations of me. I want people to think that I can't do squat. That way they're always pleasantly surprised when anything I do, no matter how insignificant it is, actually occurs. Having these expectations of "I know you can do it" is just a nerve wracking experience. I don't know how any of you achievers (not "over", just "achievers") do it.

Eight, when you get back home after all of the above, realize why you did it and then bask in the fact that you have a friend that's totally worth doing all of that for. Because for that ordeal, they're one heckuva friend and you'd better be thankful that you have someone like that around.

And now I'm just going to hope like crazy that the damn thing still works when she flips it on in the morning. And if it does, hall-e-freaking-lu-yah. But not just because she'll be happy, but because it's kinda nice to be the hero. And after that? Write yourself a strongly worded email to those Canucks in America's Hat and tell them what you think of their easy to install, five days late, without instructions product.

Yeah, that should just about do it.

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