Thursday, December 11, 2008

The World's Biggest Sink

When I have to start things out like, "Doesn't this sound familiar?" or "Here we go again" you know it can't be good. No, in fact, you pretty much know that, once again, a product of some mutated gene pool has fulfilled their destiny. And this case is not exception.

Remember the moron (aka Timothy Tackett) that took a bath in the Burger King sink? It was his birthday and, for some unknown reason, he felt that the most appropriate way to celebrate his birthday was to strip down to nothing and hop in the utility sink and utilize it that way. Not good. Not my expectation of "having it my way" if ever I were to lend my patronage to a Burger King.

With that vivid image fresh in our minds, let's make our way over to Anderson, CA. Anderson, population 11,000, is about 10 miles south of Redding, CA in northern California. I don't know a lot about Redding thus, I know even less about Anderson. But I know that a town with a population of 11,000 is no place that I'd turn for a day of excitement, I'll tell you that. I'm guessing that it was that factor coupled with a slightly less than average intelligence quotient of two, make that three, three teenage girls who decided to take a bath in the sink at a KFC. Then, taking a page straight from the glorious conveyor of stupidity, the Internet, they posted the photos where? On MySpace, that is correct! (Hey, you're getting good at this!) Oh, how I bet their parents were just beaming with pride!
Rub-a-dub-dub, three dips in a tub! Behold!

"A KFC manager said the young woman who quit expressed an interest in taking a bath in the sink, but the manager told her not to do it." Well, might I just start off with give that manager a raise! She told her not to do it! Congratulations! Funny, but really, I would have expected nothing less than her telling her not to do it. I actually would have expected a little bit more, perhaps something along the lines of, "Are you effing nuts?" But I'm glad that the manager told her not to. That's definitely a step in the right direction.

Next, um, "Expressed an interest in taking a bath in the sink?" OK, first of all, why would that interest someone? "You know, I've been working here for quite some time. I'm very familiar with all of the various parts of a chicken, which ones are tasty, which ones not so much. I've concluded that parts are parts. But all of my knowledge of the delicious flightless fowl aside, you know what has really started to interest me during my time with the Colonel? That sink over there! I'm really interested in bathing in it! Who do I talk to? Who's in charge of things like that?" Good Lord....Aim high, sweetie. Aim high.

But, second of all, why would you express that interest to anyone at all? I'm sure that there are plenty of us (Translation: All of us) who have an interest in "something" that is, say, not mainstream. Whether it be grape jelly on your cottage cheese or goat lovin', everyone has a quirk or two. And that's the great thing about being human. We can realize that these quirks are just that...quirks! And we can keep them to ourselves once we realize that, hey, if someone finds out about this, I could be mocked and ridiculed for at least a good hour and a half. (It's the Internet age. Nothing lasts forever. The whole world is ADHD now. An hour and a half is at least a lifetime for someone.) So why you would ever mention that your interested in public restaurant sink bathing is beyond me. Unless you're a moron. Oh, I get it. OK. That makes sense. Onward...

You know how when you're in a job interview and they ask you the question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I'm going to make a public plea to those young, budding morons and beg them to not go with, "Well, my goals are really....heyyyyy! That's a nice sink you have there! Five years from now? I'd definitely like to be bathing in that puppy there!" Please. Don't. It is not a good goal to have, nor is it a good goal to express an interest in having.

The MySpace phenomenon amazes me. I just don't get it. And judging from the pictures, it seems rather clear to me that these young, clueless lasses are trying to be sexy. (Utter the following in a dull monotone voice for the full effect of how "sexy" others may interpret this stunt as: Oh, baby, how hot. You are in a sink used to wash off greasy chicken dishes. I'd sure like to get me a piece o' dat!) I can think of very few things that are much more less sexy than three sturdily built, shielded from the sun teenagers in the dish sink at a KFC. (And from the looks of it, that's a really big sink! Where does one get a sink that big? It's obviously industrial, which could have been another adjective used to describe the bathers, but you could wash a Volkswagen in there it would appear. Forget about the pictures of them in the sink. Someone call Guinness! World's Biggest Sink! World's Biggest Sink!)

According to the folks over there at the Redding Record-Searchlight, "One of the girls bathing in the sink at the Anderson Kentucky Fried Chicken posted the photos on the Internet and after management learned of them, all three were suspended today, said Cheri, assistant manager at the restaurant. She declined to give her last name." Declined to give her last name? You're in a town with a population of 11,000 that the rest of the world has never heard of. I'm pretty sure that anyone who you're worried about knowing who you are, already knows Cheri, the assistant manager over there at the Kentucky Colonel's.

“The girls are being reprimanded for it,” Cheri said. Well, I should hope so! What else would happen? Would they just be given a strongly worded lecture? Wait a minute. Reprimanded?! Fired!! FIRED!! I want the Chicken Sink Bathing Trio of Anderson FIRED!!! Not reprimanded!

After immediately posting their photos on MySpace (for the entire world to engage in the ol' gawk n' mock), "The photos had been filed under a gallery called “KFC moments.” Well, it does appear it was a moment. Not exactly a moment of inspiration, but a moment. ::::sigh::::: Idiots. We're surrounded by idiots and now they're in our sinks.

A KFC spokesman, a one Rick Maynard wrote an email as a response to this incident, which read, in part, “KFC has zero tolerance for violations of our operating standards, and our franchisee has taken immediate action by terminating the employees who were involved." Apparently, someone felt the need to ask Rick if "...there had been similar situations at other KFCs. He replied, “Of course not.” " What in the hell kind of a question is that? "Do you frequently have employees bathing in utility sinks at your restaurants?" "Oh, all the time! We can't keep 'em out of there!" Seriously! Have you heard about this happening in other KFCs? Because if this incident is any indication, you would have!! Who asks that kind of a question?

Perhaps someone like a one Fern Hastings, a "...senior environmental health specialist for Shasta County’s Environmental Health." "Looking at the pictures, she said the girls are violating state Health Code 113971 — which details that restaurant workers are required to wear clean clothes." Wait! It gets better! She said, "Obviously they are not wearing clean outer clothing." Um, ma'am? They're not wearing any outer clothing! But this woman is master of the obvious. You can tell when she says, "You just don’t think someone is going to get in’s definitely not made for humans.” Well, of course it isn't! It's a sink used for dishes! Hence the term, dishes! What is wrong with people?

But here's how this way too long, sad, sad, saga comes to a close. Whichever one of the Sinkettes had the MySpace page where the photos were posted, has since set her page settings to "Private". And while you can no longer view her pictures on her MySpace page (and why would you need to, as they're all over the Internet), she did leave a little message for....I guess maybe the media? It's hard to say. It's odd, though. It reads (and I am not correcting grammar, etc.), "Its a sad world when one has to stoop low enough to go through ones dirty womans trash is anothers treasure! —Thanks alot for having good respect how can you live knowing the little bit of money you made was made hurting someone!”

(Well, she shouldn't have been doing her laundry in the sink, either.) Spare me. What did she think was going to happen after she posted those photos? You can't tell me that she had not heard about the guy in the Burger King sink before her and her cohorts pulled their little stunt. Maybe she was hoping for a sitcom? Wow. Welcome to the real world, honey! That's the world where, when you do dumb things, people make fun of you! Most people know a dumb thing when they see one and they treat it as such. They do not think you're cool, no matter how much you'd like to think that you are. They think you're a moron in the sink of a KFC. (By the way, just a tip, you probably shouldn't be getting too riled up at others for not "having good respect" when your "respect" wasn't all that "good" when you climbed in the sink at the Kentucky Colonel's. Not so much. "Hello, Kettle? This is the Pot. You're black!") But for now, since you've been fired and won't be working, might I suggest an English class? Perhaps English Composition 101? Or even just a basic English Grammar 101? That little paragraph of yours there is horrendous.

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