Can't She Do That Later?

Look, I'm a big fan of good personal hygiene. Big fan! You know what I'm an even bigger fan of? Privacy, that is correct. Put those two together and you have really got something going for yourself. But if you try to do one of those without the other, do you know what you have? Problems. See, if you make sure you have privacy but you forget about the personal hygiene, then you're all by yourself, but you're smelly. That's not good for you. But what's even worse is if you decide to take care of the personal hygiene, but you do not have the privacy. And by "taking care of personal hygiene" I mean washing your privates with a jug of water. Oh, and by "you do not have the privacy" I mean that you're on a subway train. That's right. What we have here is a woman on a subway train sans pants and washing herself with the aforementioned jug of water. There are so many degrees of wrong to this that I pretty much don't know where to start. Maybe you'll know after you watch it. (And by the way, I realize that this video says that it is Part 1 of 3. I don't find that parts 2 and 3 are really necessary. It can only get worse, don't you think?) If the video below doesn't load, please click here.

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The World's Biggest Sink

When I have to start things out like, "Doesn't this sound familiar?" or "Here we go again" you know it can't be good. No, in fact, you pretty much know that, once again, a product of some mutated gene pool has fulfilled their destiny. And this case is not exception.

Remember the moron (aka Timothy Tackett) that took a bath in the Burger King sink? It was his birthday and, for some unknown reason, he felt that the most appropriate way to celebrate his birthday was to strip down to nothing and hop in the utility sink and utilize it that way. Not good. Not my expectation of "having it my way" if ever I were to lend my patronage to a Burger King.

With that vivid image fresh in our minds, let's make our way over to Anderson, CA. Anderson, population 11,000, is about 10 miles south of Redding, CA in northern California. I don't know a lot about Redding thus, I know even less about Anderson. But I know that a town with a population of 11,000 is no place that I'd turn for a day of excitement, I'll tell you that. I'm guessing that it was that factor coupled with a slightly less than average intelligence quotient of two, make that three, three teenage girls who decided to take a bath in the sink at a KFC. Then, taking a page straight from the glorious conveyor of stupidity, the Internet, they posted the photos where? On MySpace, that is correct! (Hey, you're getting good at this!) Oh, how I bet their parents were just beaming with pride!

Rub-a-dub-dub, three dips in a tub! Behold!

"A KFC manager said the young woman who quit expressed an interest in taking a bath in the sink, but the manager told her not to do it." Well, might I just start off with give that manager a raise! She told her not to do it! Congratulations! Funny, but really, I would have expected nothing less than her telling her not to do it. I actually would have expected a little bit more, perhaps something along the lines of, "Are you effing nuts?" But I'm glad that the manager told her not to. That's definitely a step in the right direction.

Next, um, "Expressed an interest in taking a bath in the sink?" OK, first of all, why would that interest someone? "You know, I've been working here for quite some time. I'm very familiar with all of the various parts of a chicken, which ones are tasty, which ones not so much. I've concluded that parts are parts. But all of my knowledge of the delicious flightless fowl aside, you know what has really started to interest me during my time with the Colonel? That sink over there! I'm really interested in bathing in it! Who do I talk to? Who's in charge of things like that?" Good Lord....Aim high, sweetie. Aim high.

But, second of all, why would you express that interest to anyone at all? I'm sure that there are plenty of us (Translation: All of us) who have an interest in "something" that is, say, not mainstream. Whether it be grape jelly on your cottage cheese or goat lovin', everyone has a quirk or two. And that's the great thing about being human. We can realize that these quirks are just that...quirks! And we can keep them to ourselves once we realize that, hey, if someone finds out about this, I could be mocked and ridiculed for at least a good hour and a half. (It's the Internet age. Nothing lasts forever. The whole world is ADHD now. An hour and a half is at least a lifetime for someone.) So why you would ever mention that your interested in public restaurant sink bathing is beyond me. Unless you're a moron. Oh, I get it. OK. That makes sense. Onward...

You know how when you're in a job interview and they ask you the question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I'm going to make a public plea to those young, budding morons and beg them to not go with, "Well, my goals are really....heyyyyy! That's a nice sink you have there! Five years from now? I'd definitely like to be bathing in that puppy there!" Please. Don't. It is not a good goal to have, nor is it a good goal to express an interest in having.

The MySpace phenomenon amazes me. I just don't get it. And judging from the pictures, it seems rather clear to me that these young, clueless lasses are trying to be sexy. (Utter the following in a dull monotone voice for the full effect of how "sexy" others may interpret this stunt as: Oh, baby, how hot. You are in a sink used to wash off greasy chicken dishes. I'd sure like to get me a piece o' dat!) I can think of very few things that are much more less sexy than three sturdily built, shielded from the sun teenagers in the dish sink at a KFC. (And from the looks of it, that's a really big sink! Where does one get a sink that big? It's obviously industrial, which could have been another adjective used to describe the bathers, but you could wash a Volkswagen in there it would appear. Forget about the pictures of them in the sink. Someone call Guinness! World's Biggest Sink! World's Biggest Sink!)

According to the folks over there at the Redding Record-Searchlight, "One of the girls bathing in the sink at the Anderson Kentucky Fried Chicken posted the photos on the Internet and after management learned of them, all three were suspended today, said Cheri, assistant manager at the restaurant. She declined to give her last name." Declined to give her last name? You're in a town with a population of 11,000 that the rest of the world has never heard of. I'm pretty sure that anyone who you're worried about knowing who you are, already knows Cheri, the assistant manager over there at the Kentucky Colonel's.

“The girls are being reprimanded for it,” Cheri said. Well, I should hope so! What else would happen? Would they just be given a strongly worded lecture? Wait a minute. Reprimanded?! Fired!! FIRED!! I want the Chicken Sink Bathing Trio of Anderson FIRED!!! Not reprimanded!

After immediately posting their photos on MySpace (for the entire world to engage in the ol' gawk n' mock), "The photos had been filed under a gallery called “KFC moments.” Well, it does appear it was a moment. Not exactly a moment of inspiration, but a moment. ::::sigh::::: Idiots. We're surrounded by idiots and now they're in our sinks.

A KFC spokesman, a one Rick Maynard wrote an email as a response to this incident, which read, in part, “KFC has zero tolerance for violations of our operating standards, and our franchisee has taken immediate action by terminating the employees who were involved." Apparently, someone felt the need to ask Rick if "...there had been similar situations at other KFCs. He replied, “Of course not.” " What in the hell kind of a question is that? "Do you frequently have employees bathing in utility sinks at your restaurants?" "Oh, all the time! We can't keep 'em out of there!" Seriously! Have you heard about this happening in other KFCs? Because if this incident is any indication, you would have!! Who asks that kind of a question?

Perhaps someone like a one Fern Hastings, a "...senior environmental health specialist for Shasta County’s Environmental Health." "Looking at the pictures, she said the girls are violating state Health Code 113971 — which details that restaurant workers are required to wear clean clothes." Wait! It gets better! She said, "Obviously they are not wearing clean outer clothing." Um, ma'am? They're not wearing any outer clothing! But this woman is master of the obvious. You can tell when she says, "You just don’t think someone is going to get in there....it’s definitely not made for humans.” Well, of course it isn't! It's a sink used for dishes! Hence the term, dishes! What is wrong with people?

But here's how this way too long, sad, sad, saga comes to a close. Whichever one of the Sinkettes had the MySpace page where the photos were posted, has since set her page settings to "Private". And while you can no longer view her pictures on her MySpace page (and why would you need to, as they're all over the Internet), she did leave a little message for....I guess maybe the media? It's hard to say. It's odd, though. It reads (and I am not correcting grammar, etc.), "Its a sad world when one has to stoop low enough to go through ones dirty laundry....one womans trash is anothers treasure! —Thanks alot for having good respect how can you live knowing the little bit of money you made was made hurting someone!”

(Well, she shouldn't have been doing her laundry in the sink, either.) Spare me. What did she think was going to happen after she posted those photos? You can't tell me that she had not heard about the guy in the Burger King sink before her and her cohorts pulled their little stunt. Maybe she was hoping for a sitcom? Wow. Welcome to the real world, honey! That's the world where, when you do dumb things, people make fun of you! Most people know a dumb thing when they see one and they treat it as such. They do not think you're cool, no matter how much you'd like to think that you are. They think you're a moron in the sink of a KFC. (By the way, just a tip, you probably shouldn't be getting too riled up at others for not "having good respect" when your "respect" wasn't all that "good" when you climbed in the sink at the Kentucky Colonel's. Not so much. "Hello, Kettle? This is the Pot. You're black!") But for now, since you've been fired and won't be working, might I suggest an English class? Perhaps English Composition 101? Or even just a basic English Grammar 101? That little paragraph of yours there is horrendous.

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This Isn't My Way

OK, so, because of various news stories about oddities (and perverts) in foreign lands, I now have a list of places I just don't want to go to. Ever. There's enough local weirdness, I don't need to travel outside of the US to experience it. But now, I can start a list of places within the US that I don't ever want to go to as well. And first on my list? The Burger King in Xenia, OH. Actually, I could probably include all of Xenia to my list with no problem. (Possibly all of Ohio, but the Pro Football Hall of Fame is there, so I could see that one sliding by, but just barely.) And I could be overreacting, but when a dude takes a bubble bath in the sink at the Burger King so he can post it on MySpace, I want to stay as far away from that sort of activity as I possibly can. Wait. What?

Meet Mr. Unstable:

Fitting name, no? Mr. Unstable was an employee at the Burger King on Orange Street (just in case you're traveling at the moment) in Xenia, Ohio. Yes, I too, am shocked he even had a job. For some unknown and unfathomable reason (other than his name), Mr. Unstable decided it would be a good idea to take a bubble bath in the sink at the Burger King. For another unknown and more unfathomable reason, he also thought it would be a good idea to video himself doing this. And, completing the unknown and unfathomable trifecta, we have several other employees and a store manager who thought it would be a good idea to stand around and watch. I think I speak for everyone (who has never, and is not currently, bathing in a fast food restaurant's utility sink) when I say WTF?!

The folks over there at WDTN-2 in Dayton report that "A four-minute video posted on MySpace captured the employee, self-described as Mr. Unstable, bathing nude in a large stainless steel sink as several other employees and a store manager looked on." That was my first indication that something had gone horribly awry in the Burger King. I will give a hand to Mark McDonnell, the Greene County Health Commissioner, for stating that when he first saw the video, "My first thought was oh my God." Well said, sir. Well said.

McDonnell sent his staff to the BK immediately after viewing the sudsy Mr. Unstable's 4-minute bathing ritual in the utility sink. They were to "investigate the numerous health code violations." I'm not sure what that means. "Investigate?" Um, the dude is taking a freaking bath in the sink! Investigation over! What else IS there?! He went on to say that "the restaurant was aware of the incident and had already taken steps to clean up, including disposing of all the utensils and sanitizing the sink twice." Twice?! That's it?? TWICE?! I don't think that there is anything short of replacing the tub sink that would be sufficient. NOTHING. Do you really want your produce washed in a receptacle that had recently been housing Mr. Unstable's nether regions? My point.

Fortunately, there was some common sense involved in this incident (although not a lot). According to the apathetic news source, the AP, "Two of the employees involved in the incident were fired and another one quit." Well, I should hope so. Yes, ANYONE who saw Mr. Unstable NAKED and in the restaurant's SINK and pulled up a chair to watch or handed him a rubber ducky and a back scrubber should definitely be fired. Forever. From everywhere. But what disturbs me is that Burger King spokeswoman Denise Wilson "declined to identify the employees or say whether the man who took the bath quit or was fired." That sort of a statement about this sort of an incident leads me to believe that Mr. Unstable was NOT fired. Because, really, why would you not want to assure potential diners that the naked guy who was in the restaurant's sink taking a bath has been fired? As if I needed another reason to never go there.

And you know you can't have a story like this without some ingenious insight and commentary which can only be obtained through man-on-the-street interviews. Take one Crystal Dodge, who said that she used to eat at the Burger N' Bath there all the time. She said, "That's just, it's wrong it's a place where families come to eat and them taking a bath in the sink that's just not work ethic." Not work ethic?! Sweetheart, what the hell? WORK ethic?! So, if Mr. Unstable was at, say, his grandmother's house and hopped in her utility sink and started taking a bath, THAT would be OK because it doesn't involve WORK?! What in the hell does work ethic have to do with it?! What about common sense that says you don't bathe in the sink at the Burger King?! What about the unspoken rules of humankind that say you don't bathe in the sink at the Burger King?! What about sanity which dictates that you don't bathe in the sink at the Burger King?! Ethic, smethic, you just don't do it!

Naturally, there's the corporate statement regarding the Burger Bather which read: "Burger King Corp. was just notified of this incident and is cooperating fully with the health department. We have sanitized the sink and have disposed of all other kitchen tools and utensils that were used during the incident.
We have also taken appropriate corrective action on the employees that were involved in this video. Additionally, the remaining staff at this restaurant is being retrained in health and sanitation procedures."

Well, thank God. Thank God that the "remaining staff" will be retrained to hammer home the point that you do not cleanse your body via a soak in the utility sink at your place of employment. Yeah, I could see how that might have been missed by some on the first go round. The part that kills me is "at this restaurant". It's kind of like Burger King's way of saying, "All of our employees are not moronic idiots. We do not need to have an "anti-bathing in the work sink" seminar for every individual who is employed by us. We will provide training at this restaurant because it has been clearly demonstrated and proven that this particular location employs those with the IQ of a Junior Whopper."

Mr. Unstable's name is Timothy Tackett. In the video (video goodness below, of course) he says things like, "It was my birthday. I was feeling a little frisky. Figured I'd get a little clean. Get all spiced up for you guys" So he figured that he'd get his frisky little self all clean and spiced up in the BK Tub? Interesting. I wonder if a, oh, I don't know, a shower ever crossed his mind? Apparently not, as there he is in the Burger King sink. :::sigh::::

About halfway through the 4-minute bath, Mr. Unstable sends the videographer (the girl with the camera phone) to find the manager. As if this whole ordeal hasn't left me boggled to begin with, this portion was extremely perplexing. I expected the "manager" to be about 20 and look like they were 12. I expected a dude who clearly thought that he was more important than he was (as do most managers of fast-food restaurants). Instead, we see the manager is a 40-something woman. She is counting money when the camera girl says, "Hey, he's in the sink. Is that OK?" Oh, my God. The manager just looks at the guy, seems a bit surprised and then just shakes her head and goes back to counting money. The relentless camera girl, trying to gather a crowd, I suppose, says, "Do you want to come see? It's pretty funny." I don't get it. Clearly, getting fired either never crossed this person's mind or didn't matter to her. Again, in case I wasn't clear, her co-worker is taking a bath in the sink at work and they go to get the manager because "it's pretty funny". Good Lord, what else?

As a feeble attempt at making the scene of Mr. Unstable in the sink/tub seem more inviting, the camera girl says, "You can't see his penis or nothin'. " Well! That IS good news! Because if you could see his penis, well, that would make it wrong. Too bad the only response that the manager had was, "Well, I hope not." Not exactly the response I would have hoped for (that response would have been "WTF?!" But alas, it was not.

"You should come check it out. Tell him Happy Birthday." Well, she's persistent, I'll give her that. She should work in sales. Or someplace where there are no sinks. Especially sinks with naked employees in them celebrating their birthday. She continues her pitch with, "Tell everybody to come grab some breakfast. The dishes are real clean." Why am I having difficulty believing the "dishes are real clean" part when there is a full-grown, naked human being taking a bath in the sink? It's just not convincing for some reason. "I think he's going to wait for Newman to show up. Think of Newman." Screw Newman! Think of you're bathing in the SINK at Burger King!

As he continues his unconventional bathing ritual, he pours water over himself from the "Sanitizing Solution" bucket (again, still not reassuring at all) and squirts himself with the sprayer. He seems quite happy, sitting there in his sudsy tub, with his empty head sporting a mangled mohawk. This is someone who really should have had some clearer goals as a child.



Congratulations, Burger King Bather Bonehead. You now have your claim to fame and can beam with pride for the rest of your unguided existence. And here's one more thing just to boost your ego just a little bit more. That sink in which you soaked your grundle along with the rest of yourself? It's suggested use was explained as, "The sink is used to clean large pieces of equipment." Enjoy it while you can dude.

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