Saturday, August 23, 2008

Taken Out Of Con-Text

Figures. It figures. It totally figures. Barry Obama was supposed to announce who he had picked to be his Vice Presidential running mate sometime before Saturday. Those who wanted to find out about it first could sign up on his website to receive a text message when Barry finally decided to let everyone know who he had chosen to run alongside himself, the original Chosen One. How well do you think this plan worked?

OK, so I signed up because I wanted to see how much longer I knew who Barry has chosen before the rest of the world/media knew it. Personally, I didn't and don't give a fat rat's ass who he had decided would be his little sidekick. I was, however, apparently the only one who didn't care (as is often the case with things like this. Common sense is hard to find with a falsely induced media hype topic such as the speculation of a Vice Presidential candidate. Why would I care to speculate? Why can't I just wait? Oh, that's right. I CAN wait.). But as I went around not caring, the rest of the media went around trying to convince people that it was extremely important that a lot, I mean a lot of time be spent on guessing. It's a process otherwise known (by me) as SWAG - Speculate Wildly And Guess. SWAG is common during any election year. And that is because to SWAG requires very little knowledge of any subject and no matter what your reasoning is for your guess, you're not held accountable even if you're wrong because it's only a guess. Since most of the people in the live reporting media genre are morons (or have a chest the size of North Dakota), SWAG works well for them and allows them to keep their cushy job for another day.

First of all, what is with this secretive stuff? Why do the candidates do this? They decide who they should ask to be Vice President and then they ask that person in private. Presumably, the person accepts (and why wouldn't you? Talk about a do nothing job. If your guy wins, you're set.) and then instead of informing the country of people who you'd like to vote for you, you keep it to yourself for three or four days and run around all but chanting, "I've got a secret! I've got a secret!" But I don't understand WHY they do that. Look, personally, I don't want a lot of "suspense" in my politics. Leave suspense for things like who's going to win American Idol and "Are we sure Janet Reno wasn't really a man?" Because really, if you're going to keep something so stupid a secret from us, what else might you be keeping secret if you're elected?

But I digress. Back to the text message announcement of the Veep running mate selection. I thought I would have received the text message before Saturday. But midnight came and midnight went and no text from Barry and Co. Then, at 12:59am PST, the ol' cell phone starts vibrating in my pocket and I read this message from 62262 (that spells out OBAMA on the keypad, by the way): "Barack has chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the first Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on Spread the word! " Whoop-de-yip. Now I know. Then it was just a matter of time before everyone else knew, right? Um, not so much.

See, it's too bad the ol' cell phone didn't start vibrating at 11:53pm EST or 8:53pm PST, as that is when the AP story hit the Internet that Barry had chosen Joe Biden. Um, that's about four hours before I became not one of the first, but one of the LAST people to find out who he had chosen. Now remember, this isn't about my caring about who Barry chose. This is about the ability to follow through with something that he said was going to happen.

Here's the thing: When I signed up to receive this text, I had to give them all of the basics about me. Name, address, gender, birthday, blood type, number of prosthetic limbs, last tetanus shot, DMV license renewal test score, elementary school attended, make and model of the first car I bought and least favorite food. Once they had all of that entered into their voter-loyalty generating machine, they had no problem at all with immediately sending me emails. They were flung directly into my Inbox within seconds of hitting Send on that form. All emails come with an easy to spot, oh-so-convenient "Donate" link embedded within, as well as information that Camp Barry has deemed necessary. THAT they can manage. Sending a text message like they said they were going to? Not so much.

Barry, don't be rolling out little dealios that you can't follow through on. I know, I know, the announcement itself isn't a big deal. I still could not possibly care any less. But don't say you're going to do something if that something might only be able to be done on a half ass basis. We have enough of that as it is with our current administration and lawmakers. Why would we want to elect someone else who not only does the same, but demonstrates the ability to do the same DURING the campaign?! Seriously, FOUR hours? You couldn't have got that text to me in less than FOUR hours? What? Do you think I live under a rock and wouldn't hear about it otherwise? FOUR hours? Again, if that seems like a reasonable amount of time to you, Barry, (when put in perspective with what the task at hand was) then you need to get your folks to think about doing things different in the future. I don't know how you remedy this one, as I think you only pick your running mate once during the campaign. And, well, you've used your pick and there aren't any do-overs. So it'll have to be something else. Something else that you say you're going to do "for the people" and then actually do it when you say you will. That's not too much to ask, is it Barry?

Barry? Hello? Um, Joe, is it? Joe Biden? Welcome, Joe. Good luck, I guess. What do you know about texting?

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