Congratulations, Europe! You're still leading the world (surprisingly enough) in the overprotective actions that only encourage coddling children so that they will inevitably grow up to be "adults" who cannot make a decision on their own and have no idea what mistakes or pain involve. Please form a single file line to receive a helmet to put over your buttery soft cranium for your own protection. 
Kinder surprise egg. First of all, I'm not overly thrilled about any food that has the word "surprise" in it. I prefer my food to be surprise-free. It works out better that way for me. A surprise egg, from what I can tell, is a chocolate egg that is hollow and has a little plastic toy in the middle. You eat the chocolate, you play with the toy, what's not to love? Well, according to a parliamentary health commission, plenty. They say that "it is dangerous to combine food and toys in one product." And I think it's dangerous to combine idiots with legislative matters, but I don't see that changing anytime soon. 
Looks tasty and fun, doesn't it? Now, who knows if the little imbecile is going to be able to figure out NOT to eat the foil! (You know, I had a dog that ate a whole basket of those little foil wrapped eggs at Easter time once. But the key to that story is that she was a DOG! She was also crapping little multi-colored tin things for weeks.) They probably shouldn't come wrapped in anything AT ALL! You know, "just in case". But I digress. So, that's the Kinder Surprise Egg before it's unwrapped. Now, here is the Kinder Surprise Egg, unwrapped and cut in half with the toy inside. I'm going to make the picture really big so you can try to tell the difference between the "toy" and the "food". It's very subtle and you, like the idiot children running amok around Germany, might not be able to differentiate between the two and just gulp the whole damn thing down at one time because you just couldn't figure it out. I'm just trying to give you a head start here. Ready? Behold!
So you can see why she's concerned, right? NO!! Of course not! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!
This woman is worried that children can't tell the difference IN THAT PICTURE between which is the TOY and which is the FOOD?? Since WHEN?! Oh, wait. That's right. Since NEVER! And this woman knows that, as she followed up that moronic statement with, "We just want to prevent a worst-case 
scenario wherein a child could choke on a toy out of a combination product like this one." I see. So because something MIGHT happen, let's just make sure that it never does and BAN whatever it is that has a scintilla of potential to be dangerous? That seems rather extreme. How about this instead? How about you just teach your child the difference between food and toys and call it a day? OR better yet, assume that if your child does bite down on the hard, yellow, encapsulated toy, that he or she will think, "Why, hey....this doesn't taste like chocolate. I think it might not be food after all! I do not think I will continue trying to eat this. Oooh! But it does appear to open up into a little toy that looks like loads of fun! I shall play with it instead and eat the yummy chocolate shell that it came in."
I'd assume that the commission might think about that novel idea (you know, the one about actually teaching your child something or allowing some Darwinian principles to do their thing, instead of just removing the scenario in which danger may rear it's ugly head) but they're pretty busy these days. See, they're also looking into at mandating that children wear bicycle helmets (ironic, considering the commission members themselves are the ones that need helmets.) and, brace yourself, making schoolbooks lighter so children don't injure themselves or tire themselves out carrying them around all day. Oh. My. God.
and overprotective. If you want to wear a helmet, fine. But don't treat those who don't like they're spawns of Satan who have taken up Nazism. (Or at least stop treating me like that. Did you wear a bike helmet around the neighborhood when you rode your bike as a kid? Of course you didn't. And you turned out OK. Not great, but OK.)But the book thing? Are you freaking kidding me? First of all, how many books are these German kids carrying around all the live long day? I mean, I know it's Germany and all, but I'm kind of under the impression that the "bad Germany" days are far behind them. Injure themselves? Are these kids so stupid that they don't know how to carry a book? How do you injure yourself carrying a book? And where exactly are they going all day long that they're carrying these books around to? And if your kids are tiring themselves out by carrying their freaking school books, your precious little snowflake needs a little bit more exercise. Or, at the very least, another introduction into the real world. What are they thinking? 
ow how many times your kid is going to try to eat the toy inside of the chocolate egg? (OK, if you guessed 'zero' because your child isn't a freaking moron, that counts as being correct.) At the most? ONCE. Then it's over and they move on. They will stop trying to eat the little plastic toys once they realize that they're more fun to play with and that the chocolate tastes better. And do you also know how many times your child is going to injure himself with a schoolbook? (If you guessed 'zero' because your child is the same child who didn't eat the plastic toy, that again will be counted as correct.) At the most? ONCE. Pain is a VERY good teacher. Very effective. Deterrents? Nearly as good as rewards. Sometimes better. I swear. 
there that they're NOT going to feel too stupid to deal with? Probably not. And you're also going to end up with a bunch of parents/adults who spend all of their time running around and sterilizing the world we live in until they feel as if they have sufficiently controlled the universe so that there is nothing left to think about because they've gotten rid of it all. So just knock it off. 
Sphere: Related Content
No comments:
Post a Comment