Sunday, August 31, 2008

Humor Me

It was only a matter of time before the Sarah Palin jokes started circulating. I'm just glad that they're at least amusing. (Nice job, late night guys.) And naturally, I must share.

From Bill Maher, "John McCain's VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she's ever seen." (Well, she's in for quite a shock then, if she's heading down to New Orleans in the next few days like it's rumored she is.)

  • Also from Bill Maher, "This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The Maverick and the MILF'." (So, if they win, she'll be a VPILF? We need a better acronym for that, we really do. I'm on it.)

  • Jimmy Kimmel has us reliving the early memories of MTV with, "She's not bad looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska." (And I am for drilling also! Wait. What? OIL? I thought he meant....oh, never mind.)

    • In response to FOX News Channel's Steve Doocy attempting to sound like he knows something relevant when he said, "She does know about international relations because she is right up there in Alaska, right next door to Russia." Jon Stewart remarked, "When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa."

    • Jay Leno didn't fare quite as well as some of the others, but he did manage to come up with, "Alaska Governor Sarah Pallin is John McCain's choice. Here's what we know about her: her name is Sarah Palin." (But at least we know a little more about her now, right? Right?)

    Of course, along with the Sarah Palin jokes, there were the John McCain jokes that, again, I must share.
    • From Bill Maher (a guy who is seeming a little more funny than I remember him to be), "McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR...someone who is ready take over on day two."

    • Finally, Conan O'Brien manages to get one right with, "Earlier today, John McCain released 1,200 pages of his medical records. Or, as his doctor calls it, Chapter One." (Seriously, Conan, that was good, but you have to step it up a bit. You're getting that Tonight Show gig next year after they drag Jay kicking and screaming from the studio. You're going to need to be prepared.)

    • I don't know when Conan said this, but I haven't found anything he's said lately to be overly amusing, so it's a good thing he came up with these when he did. "This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land."

    And top honors go to David Letterman who has come up with a slew of "He looks like the guy who..." jokes (reminiscent of the "Yo mama's so fat..." jokes of yore....only funny).

    • He looks like a guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart.

    • John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house.

    • John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings.

    • He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox.

    • He looks like the guy who should be co-hosting with Kelly Ripa.

    • He's the guy who is always early for the early bird special.

    • He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher.

    • He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys.

    Finally, just remember that, thanks to the wonder that is the Internet, you're going to see a lot of pictorial political pieces of "humor" (otherwise known as "pieces of S" in some circles). The ones below are just a very small sample of what's out there. So be careful.

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