Well, folks, if you were hoping to get your hands on Elvis Presley's personal bible (for the low, low price of only $94,600), I'm sorry to say that you're out of luck as it has already been sold at an auction that took place over the weekend. But if you're still in the market for, say, a pair of the King's soiled underwear, you're in luck! Wait. What was that?
You read me right. For some reason, someone thought that it would be a good idea to auction off the slightly stained tightie whities that used to belong to and be worn by Elvis Presley. They were apparently worn underneath his jumpsuit during a 1977 concert. So, they were worn by fat Elvis. This is the same fat Elvis who died on the toilet whilst straining at stool. Thus, it's probably no wonder that they're slightly tainted. Who would want these? Would you?! Behold!
Yipes. No thanks. And not to get too graphic, but since we can all see them, I guess I'll just mention that they're stained in the front. What in the world was he doing in there? Apparently, there was a reserve price on Elvis' undies of around $11,000, but bidding only reached $8,000 so they didn't sell. Didn't sell?! For eight grand?! Look, if you have stained underwear on the auction block and someone out there is willing to give you eight thousand dollars for said stained underwear (which, let's face it, may or may not actually have been worn and soiled by Elvis), you know what you do if the top amount doesn't meet your reserve price? You take it! That's what you do! You realize that you're getting eight thousand dollars for a pair of grossly soiled underwear that may or may not have actually been worn by fat Elvis and you take the money! Who is out there holding out for the extra three grand? Why do they have fat Elvis' underwear in the first place? Why are they soiled? So, SO many questions. And none of them overly interesting, really. But I still think that holding out for more money when you're selling soiled underwear (regardless as to who may or may not have owned them) is a bad plan. Bad, bad plan.