Friday, September 28, 2012

Many Other Ways To Get Drunk

Apparently, there's a new trend that has been hitting college campuses.  Well, at least one college campus.  But one is enough, really.  Look, this goes out to all young college students out there.  If you're thinking about getting drunk, just go ahead and do it the regular way.  If at any time getting drunk involves you shoving a hose up your butt and having your friends pour alcohol in said aforementioned hose, please shy away from that sort of activity.  It's not necessary to give yourself an alcohol enema if you want to catch a little buzz.  I swear.  

According to CNN a fraternity in Tennessee has been suspended after it was discovered that the way that a student ended up with a 0.40 blood alcohol content was when "...members of the fraternity were using rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the bloodstream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver."  So they were basically doing a beer bong in their ass.  Brilliant.  And not normal. 

As I've previously mentioned, there are plenty of ways to get really drunk, really fast.  All of them that I may or may not have participated in when I was in college involved just the drinking  of the alcohol.  No one shoved anything up anyone's ass.  No one's butt had alcohol poured into it.  No, the alcohol was just consumed the old fashioned way via putting the liquid in the mouth of the individual who was desirous of a nice alcohol stupor.  It was a little repetitive, lifting the can or glass to one's mouth over and over, but it got the job done.  The most important part?  Nothing in the butt. 

Seriously, there are lots of great ways to get drunk.  I mean, Jello shots are just fun as can be. (Just stick with all the same color.  Otherwise, later on when you're puking them out, it's like someone is exorcising a clown from your stomach.)  Anything that doesn't involve anal insertion of any sort will work.  That's just not necessary.  Nor sophisticated.  It's "out only" down there.  And don't you forget it!


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