Saturday, March 7, 2009

Wacko's Backo

If it has to do with Michael Jackson, you're assured one thing: It's going to be odd. If it's Michael himself who's doing whatever the "thing" is, you're assured it's going to be very odd. And his press conference in London on Thursday did not stray from either of those assertions.

Michael must be pretty darned broke because he's going to give 10 concert performances in London beginning in July. He showed up to make the announcement an hour and a half late (is there anyone who didn't think he'd be late? Come on, anyone?) and spoke for a grand total of three minutes if that. And I swear to you, I listened to it and I'd swear it was shorter than that, so three minutes is definitely being generous.

First, his speech/announcement. Um, wasn't the Gettysburg Address, I'll tell you that much. It's a good thing he won't be ad-libbing his songs that he performs because the concert would be very, very short and an unmitigated disaster. (And I'm not saying that because he won't be ad-libbing it won't be an unmitigated disaster, because the odds on that are probably about 50-50, wouldn't you say?) Yeah, he might be (or have been) one of the world's most talented singers, but he is definitely not the world's best public speaker. Or speaker. Behold!

"I love you so much.
This will be it. When I say this is it, it really means this is it."
I'll be performing the songs my fans want to hear. This is the final curtain call."

These will be my final show performances in London.
This will be....This is it and when I say this is it, it means this is it. Because, um,
I'll be...! I'll be performing the songs my fans want to hear.
This is it. I mean, this is it. This is the final, this is the final, the final curtain call. OK?
And, um, I'll see you.
In July! And....
I love you. I really do. You have to know that. I love you so much. From the bottom of my heart.
This is it. And see you in July."

Think I'm kidding about that? Video below. Be sure to pay attention at the end and not miss the poorly executed, "should-have-thought-that-through-longer" dance move he attempts to do in a less than commendable attempt to have folks believe that he's the same Michael that he was when Thriller was released. (Spoiler alert: He's not.)

Man, instead of the "This Is It" tour, he should consider naming it "The Strange Ranger Rides Again". What the hell was that?! Apparently, before he took the stage, he leaned into the presenter, a one Dermot O'Leary, and said something to him. When asked what was said, O'Leary replied, "He just asked me 'Is there an autocue?' " OK, so that might explain a bit of the repetiveness at the beginning. And the end. And that little part there in the middle. He couldn't remember what in the heck he was supposed to say. Good luck with your song lyrics there, Jacko. "Billie Jean is not my...not my....she's not something.....friend, no.....hairstylist, no....that's not....Billie Jean is not my.....not....Billie Jean....Billie Jean...." Oh, the humanity.

He didn't look too bad for someone who doesn't have a human head. But I can chalk his being an hour and a half late to him needing extra time to put on a face that won't send children and adults alike running away as they scream for their mothers. Let's look at some close-up photos of MJ, just to see what someone who is truly sad on the inside looks like on the outside.

Here we have a close-up of Michael where it is evident how most of his lips are just painted on. That cleft in his chin seems extraordinarily deep.

Just for the sake of comparison, I Photoshopped away the parts of the lips that were just painted on. Granted, I'm not the best Photoshopper, but I'm adequate. And when you zoom in to those lips, it gets tough to see where they actually begin and where they actually end. In fact, on the right hand side of the photo (which would be his left), he looks like he's missing quite a bit of lip. It almost looks as if he's covering up a huge scar, but that's just pure speculation on my part. Look for yourself.

Yikes. It's like when you first see someone without their mustache. It doesn't look real. But I'm not so sure that there's any part of his face that is real. I'm betting there's Super Glue involved in one way or another.

Here's a slight side view. His face looks like it is all putty and just plastered on with a putty knife. But look at the tip of his nose. That coloring around the nostrils and the tip is not a shadow. That's what color it is. Does he have to attach his nose before he goes out? He might. It was definitely disappearing there for a while.

In the photo below, I thought, "What's up with his hand? It's like a man-hand." Hey, I just wouldn't have expected Michael Jackson to have man-hands, all right? But then I saw this picture of his other hand and I thought, "Where's his freaking thumb?!" Behold!

That's not a normal hand. That's like a prosthesis gone bad. Look at both of his hands together in the pic below.

Yeah, those are the hands of two different people, neither of whom are Michael Jackson. What's the deal, seriously?

And I've read quite a few articles about this 'press conference' and a fair number of them seem to reference his outfit as a "military style jacket". In what the hell kind of military are they wearing this?

The comeback concert seems to be working well for a one Britney Spears. I can only hope that it goes as well for Jacko. Psst! If you're not an hour and a half late, people will like your concert better! Just a thought.

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grannyann said...

What a mess this guy is. How old is he now anyway. He should be getting up there. I looked it up. He is 51 or should be in August. He needs to stop acting like a teenager. It is time he retired with all his medical problems. Neat post.

Mare said...

He can't retire. He has massive debt and he still has his three children to raise, little Blanket and his siblings, Pillowcase and Dust Ruffle.

Anonymous said...

MJ is now gone forever, are you guys happy now??! Stop judging people by their looks, I don't see beauty outside gives u perfection, they're fake! I salute u MJ, you have owned kindness and pure idol. We love you so much Michael.. may you R.I.P.

Anonymous said...

this psot was stupid b4 and after he died....i wonder how u look....anyone can be gorgeous behind a computer screen

Anonymous said...


Mare said...

Look, Anonymous, I don't know if you're the same one from before, but you seem to be missing the point. The man had serious mental issues. They were probably due to his being beaten and teased by his father when he was a child. The constant teasing by his father caused him to hate the way he looked. He hated it so much that he had his face carved up so much that his nose was practically non existent and he did not look human. You can't deny that the man didn't look human.

It's unfortunate that it seems that NO ONE in his life had the guts or the morals to say to him, "Hey, Mike. What's up with your face? What's up with the sparkly jacket? What's up with the chimpanzee?" All Michael Jackson wanted was to be accepted, but because of his own issues he distanced himself from nearly everyone in the world sans his children.

This post absolutely makes fun of how he conducted himself. I don't deny that for a minute. And as for am I happy that the man died a premature death due to an overdose of a tranquilizer that he seemed to be consuming in elephantine amounts? Of course not.

It's not about whether or not he's beautiful on the outside or not. His looks are his OWN DOING! He CHOSE to look like that and I find it sad. And to fool yourself to think that it's just fine and dandy that he looks like that is sad as well. However, I find it more sad for his children who will grow up fatherless, perhaps because no one was willing to step up and tackle the issue head on.

Stop and think once in awhile about why people do things. This whole idea of people shouldn't "judge" others is so backwards. The word "judge" has gotten a bad rap. People "judge" things every day. There's nothing wrong with a little judgment. Perhaps if more people who were close to Michael had "judged" him a little more seriously, they might have realized that he needed help. Anyone who needs the number and the amount of medications that he was taking just to SLEEP every night needs some HELP. Anyone who carves their face up to the degree that he did needs some HELP. And everyone who just ignored those facts because they didn't want to "judge" him, needs to seriously check themselves.

As for what I looks like, no plastic surgery, have my own hair, don't own a chimpanzee, and am willing to listen to criticism and respond to it. How about you?

Mare said...

I almost forgot...and thanks for reading, Anonymous! I appreciate it.

~ Mare

Anonymous said...

eiI think you're the one who's mentally unstable. Why else would you devote so much hate to someone who wouldn't even fart in your face even if you begged him too? You never knew him, personally nor he you. & Yet you ranted about someone that you didn't even know like the spoiled pathetic little git that you are.

At least this guy, donated millions upon millions of dollars, visited the ill, the sick & the dying... not just children's hospitals & orphanages, but also for adults & the elderly. All he ever wanted was to entertain us, love us, & put smiles on our faces. He was only different from illness & from being dissatisfied w/ himself, & for that he was punished for it, by misunderstanding, greedy, evil people.

As for you, I have learned that those who prejudge w/ their "so called" mocking words are only mad @ themselves. They have been mocked, put down & beaten upon SO MUCH that they put up a wall of defenses to prove that they are better than that. But the only 1 that they prove it to is themselves, because in the end no 1 will listen to them. Why? Because they are week, petty, small & most of all not worth listening to.

I guess you can tell by now that I didn't even go past your 1st paragraph & on your response. I can only assume that the only reason why you HAD to add a such a LONG WINDED & BORING response to yourself because not only did the respondent sting you w/ the proverbial salt in the wound, but because you also like to hear yourself talk since you're the only 1. You are the only friend that you have. Sad.

Now go open up your Snickers bar, hang your head in shame & sit in the corner w/ your massive butt hurt like you got some sense.