Friday, March 20, 2009

Bowling - The Newest Contact Sport

There are plenty of reasons to get into a fight. You run into cattle rustlers rustling your cattle. There's a big tub of Jell-O and a bunch of girls in bikinis. Someone gets their chocolate in your peanut butter. The possibilities are endless, really. But more than there are reasons to get into a fight, are many, many reasons to not get into a fight. A disagreement over bowling etiquette would be one of the latter reasons.

Correct. Bowling. The game where the object is to roll a large ball made of....of....hey. What is a bowling made out of? There's a variety of a colors and they're usually swirly. (That's probably because it makes the ball look cool when you're forced to watch someone else bowl and it was the only way to keep the spectators from turning to wood.) I guess I'm unfamiliar with the swirly element which composes the bowl for which to bowl. Huh. Cement? No, that wouldn't work. Marble? No, it's too big for a marble. Marbles are little. Cork? I'm never going to get it. I give. Where was I?

Oh, yeah! Bowling. The point is that there's not much to the game. It's apparently the etiquette, however, that became an item of discontent for a one Ryan Scott David during a bowling outing at the Rocklin AMF Lanes in Rocklin, CA.

According to the barely adequate reporting from, "...a professional bowler from Vacaville, was upset because a group bowling next to him did not wait for their turn to bowl." That non-waiting group would be the one RSD was in. If you're not familiar with this rule, it works like this. If there are people bowling in adjacent lanes and they each approach to bowl, basically whoever gets to the approach (starting) dots first goes....? First! How'd you guess? The point of the rule is that it's easy to lose your concentration if you see someone out of the corner of your eye as your doing your bowling thing. And if someone is continually doing this, then it becomes even harder to keep your concentration and all the while keep muttering, "You stupid m-f'er" under your breath.)

So whenever this guy is getting ready to bowl, rather than just letting him take his turn before RSD and those in his group would bowl, they just didn't give a fat rat's ass and would walk right on up and bowl away. Not cool. What's wrong with you, RSD? Why can't you wait your turn? It's not that hard. You should have been learning all about waiting and taking turns since you were in elementary school. Probably didn't care then either, did you, loser?

(Side note: While not disputing that this did occur, I am a bit skeptical about the "pro bowler" actually being a "pro bowler". Have you ever bowled in a public bowling alley? It'd be similar to a pro golfer playing on a city course. That is to say, not likely to happen I wouldn't think. I suppose it could. I'm just not real sure how accurate that is. Hell, three or four beers in, if I'm bowling and you ask me if I'm a pro bowler, I'll tell you YES! And that is not just me!)

Pro bowler guy finally had enough and said something to the group. RSD didn't take to kindly to being told....well...probably anything, really. That's when the brawling began. That's correct. The brawling. Over who bowls first. ....Jesus. Don't you people have jobs to go to or some other way to expend your energy?

"During the brawl, 24-year-old Ryan Scott David allegedly tried to use a bowling ball to settle the dispute, knocking the victim's front tooth out in one piece -- root and all." Holy crap! He hit him in the face with the swirly ball of an unknown substance! Those swirly balls are heavy! I can't believe the tooth popped out in one piece! That's either a hell of a shot or a hell of a tooth, I don't know which one, but I'm feeling a little guilty that I kinda would have liked to have seen that happen (but only if it didn't involve someone getting their head bashed in by a lunatic wielding a bowling ball). And ol' Ryan Scott David? He looks about like you'd expect. Behold!

A quick-thinking EMT saved the tooth in a glass of milk to preserve it as they transported the victim to the hospital, where they reattached it." Of course. Because EMTs are always carrying around a glass of milk when assisting victims of bowling alley fights stemming from a disagreement over "I'm first! No, I'm first!"

"Doctors at Sutter Roseville Medical Center were able to replace the tooth with the hope that it will be able to re-attach itself." Re-attach itself? They're hoping for that? The doctors? They're the ones doing all of the hoping? You know, I tend to expect a bit more than "hope" from my physicians, but maybe this is what works for them. A whole lot of "hoping". (As in, "I hope I don't find myself at that hospital.")

"The victim suffered other injuries to his face from the impact of the bowling ball." Really? After being hit in the face with a bowling ball there were other injuries? Huh. Yeah, go figure.

And in another not-so-shocking move, RSD was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. (And again I ask, isn't anything and everything a deadly weapon if you're using it to bash someone else with? I think it is.) His father, a one Vernon David said, "He was just protecting himself. The other guy swung first. It was self-defense." Um, "self-defense" is when the other guy swings at you and you swing back without a bowling ball in your hand! It's called "assault" when you pummel the guy in the face with a bowling ball because you didn't want to wait your turn. (Psst! It's also called "being a dumbass" when you try and defend your son like that.)

But he then added, "He made a bad decision." There's a whole lot of bad decision making that goes on with members of your family, isn't there, sir? Your son made a bad decision to act like a feral child having a tantrum and you made a bad decision to try to say it was in self-defense. Hmmm. Apple. Tree. Got it.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I'm noticing trends in behavior that are not encouraging and it's due to either one of two things. It's either that there are more dumbasses in the world or that there is just more access (ie, the Internet) to the dumbasses and their antics. And I really don't know which one would be better, but I do know that people need to stop acting like they are the only one on the planet that matters.

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1 comment:

grannyann said...

This was supposed to have happened here at a local hospital:

Here's how the story goes: It seems as though a male anesthesiologist at a local hospital became irritated by a male nurse anesthetist. After a brief disagreement the doctor punched, and knocked out, the other male. A third male entered the situation and was headbutted by the doctor. According to rumor, the police were called and the patients that had been waiting for services were told to leave and return at a later date.