- The highest bonus was $6.4 million
- 6 other employees received more than $4 million
- Another 15 people received more than $2 million
- Another 51 people received $1 million to $2 million
Holy crap. What?
- The top ten bonus recipients received a combined total of $42 million
- 22 individuals received $2 million or more.
- Those 22 combined received more than $72 million
- 73 received more than $1 million
How's that dry shaving feel? Burn yet? Ass chafed enough? No? Not quite? Perhaps this shall do it:
- 11 of those who received $1 million or more are no longer working at A.I.G.
- That includes one who received $4.6 million.
Wait a minute! 11 are no longer working at the company?! But....according to AIG, they were "the best and the brightest"! According to AIG, they had to get that kind of money in order to stay at the company.
Hey, how is this even possible? They received that money on Sunday! SUNDAY! It's Wednesday! That article in The New York Times was wrote on Tuesday! They quit before Tuesday?! I don't think they did.
You folks are clearly not one of "the best and the brightest" liars out there. That was a poor attempt at lying at best, really. :::: sigh :::: What to do? What to do? Oh, well! Here's a million dollars anyway! Nice try! Can't win 'em all! See ya Monday! Or not! Whatever! Here's your money! (Hey, that's how it goes at AIG. Are they hiring?)
And the reason the Mr. Cuomo is not naming the folks who received their undeserved bonus is because AIG won't tell him. Shocking, I know. Another thing that you may or may not find shocking is that when AIG said that they had to pay the bonuses because they were contractually obligated to do so and that they had consulted with lawyers who told them that, they only consulted with their own lawyers. Not outside counsel, not the Treasury, their own lawyers. Then they told Tim Geithner that and he basically said, "Bummer."
Until we get the names of the other heads, I'm perfectly OK with Tim's for now. Tim, you just took what they said about the legality of it all at face value? You didn't have someone else, someone who, perhaps, didn't work for AIG look at things? Where are you and your outrage? Why is Andrew Cuomo suddenly the guy leading the charge? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that Andrew Cuomo is on top of this one. That's the most sensible thing I've heard that's being done about this whole mess probably in the past year. But Tim, you're Secretary of the Treasury!! Well, for now. Who knows? Anyway....
So now what? You're not going to believe me when I tell you, so I don't know if it matters. But please, try to think of the irony in the next step. Please try to see the humor (as if it were not actually happening in real life). Because if you can do those two things, it might prevent you from hanging yourself. Might. I make no promises. Here's what the article says: "....the White House said on Monday that the Treasury would write new requirements about the bonus money in the next $30 billion that it provides to the insurance giant."
Oh. My. God.
The NEXT $30 BILLION?!?!?! Are you effing kidding me?!!? That we GIVE them?!?! AGAIN?!?! MORE??!?!?! And what's with the writing of "new requirements?!" From what I can tell, there weren't any old requirements! From what I can tell there weren't any requirements at all! Shouldn't that read "would write requirements about the bonus money"??
I can't believe that is their solution! To give them more money! What in the hell do these brainstorming sessions with the White House folks sound like?? I'm picturing Tim Geithner at the head of a large table, glistening from a sound buffing with a gallon of Pledge, surrounded by people who are trying to look like they're paying attention, but they're really checking their Blackberries, updating their Facebook page, watching a water skiing squirrel on YouTube and sending obscene Twitter tweets. They don't care what Tim is saying, but I think it has to be something along the lines of:
"Boy, they sure got us this time, didn't they? Well, let's just see them try that with the next round of money we give them. What's the score? AIG: 3; White House: 0 ? We'll get 'em. Somehow. What are we doing different this time? Is there a strongly worded memo? I think we should try a strongly worded memo. Oh! And have Barack give that speech about how he'll be disappointed if they do this again! Yeah, we'll shame them into not screwing us. And "or else"! There has to be an "or else!" in there somewhere. What's that? Oh. No, I don't really know "or else" what? But it doesn't matter. That'll scare them so bad that they wouldn't dare do that again! We won't even have to think about "or else" because it'll be fine. OK, so we have the strongly worded memo, the "or else!" and the disappointment speech made with a stern look with just a touch of finger pointing. That should do 'er. Whew! I'm beat. Who's up for beer pong?"
Andrew Cuomo sent a letter to Barney Frank, the Chairman of the House Committee of Financial Services which detailed what his office has uncovered in the workings of AIG and encouraged them to address the issue. My question is: What in the hell does the House Committee of Financial Services do? Because from what I can tell, none of these House Committees do anything until after something has fallen apart and even then all they do is bark irrelevant questions at them during some faux hearing for the purposes of appearing outraged. If they were truly outraged, they would start implementing some preventative procedures instead of always showing up for loss assessment.
You know, at the beginning of all of this, before AIG received any money at all, we were told by Henry Paulson, et al, that we had to bail them out and we had to do it soon otherwise it would be an utter disaster. He stressed repeatedly that it had to be done immediately lest we face our imminent doom. About 6 weeks later, they got their money. To my knowledge and recollection, there was not "imminent doom" in the interim. My point is, what's the hurry? Slow down there, cowboy. There needs to be a little bit of time invested into figuring out what could generate the least amount of waste. There also needs to be not a little, but a lot of effort invested as well. Sometimes things take way too long, but it's only because people are effing around. Effort. The folks who are doling out this cash need to act like they give a flying F about it, because they don't. And the Obama administration needs to get over themselves and start walking their walk because I'm tired of hearing them talk their talk. Pipe down and whip out some of that 'change' that we distinctly remember being promised. Because all of this seems like the same incompetence that we've grown sadly accustomed to.