You Want To Be Offended, Don't You?

Am I really supposed to be upset or outraged that President Barry made an ill-advised, off the cuff remark during his chat with Jay Leno? I really hope I'm not because I don't think that I can really muster up enough outrage to be convincing and to make it worthwhile. That's because it's just another fake controversy (or fakeroversy) that's been contrived (a contrivroversy), mainly by the media (way to go, CNN), over something that I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who is actually enraged by this and not just people who think that they should be enraged. You shouldn't.

Here's the scoop: President Barry can't bowl. During the campaign he infamously bowled a whopping 37. And of course, almost a year later, the media still leaves out the part that it was not a full game!! He only bowled five or seven frames. That doesn't change the suckiness of the score, but at least it makes it sound like it's explainable. (Yeah, right. As if there is any explanation for an adult with all of his major limbs and organs in functional order who could only bowl a 37. The only explanation for that is 'you are the world's worst bowler'.) So Jay Leno was asking him if he had already ripped the bowling alley out of the White House and was surprised to hear that President Barry had not removed the bowling lanes and had been practicing to the point where he managed to bowl a 129!

That's when Jay started giving him crap about his 37 game and they were both laughing and that's when, in the midst of the laughter, President Barry said, "It was like the Special Olympics or something."

QUICK! Alert the press! Call in the media! Outrage! Bring your fake outrage! Pretend to be really angry! Offended! We need offense! Sound the alarms! Ring the sirens! Bang a drum! (Do we have drums? We do? Then bang them, for cryin' out loud! Didn't you hear what he just said?!?! At least, that's how I picture things right before a media frenzy begins.

OK, look, was it a bonehead thing to say? Sure. Should he have said it? Of course not. Do I think that because he said that it means that President Barry hates disabled people? No. Do I think he said that out of malice? No. Do I think that he has anything at all against anyone because of their disability? No. Of course not. And anyone who does needs to have their soft, soft head that is made out of cheese examined.

Now there's the "outcry" by those claiming to be "offended". To my knowledge, none of those who are "crying out" are either a) Special Olympians or b) disabled. Some of those weighing in on the non-issue were Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, herself the mother of a child with Down syndrome. She said that the comment was “degrading...especially since it was...coming from the most powerful position in the world." "These athletes overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will," she said, her words obviously directed to the black President. And still not content to hop off her soap box, she voiced these words of hope: "I hope President Obama’s comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community."

Oh, for God's sake, woman, did you lose the election and your mind at the same time?! You "hope" he doesn't really feel that way? Do you mean that you think there's a possibility, given all that you know about him, given all that you've seen of him, that he does feel that way? I can't imagine that you really think he might feel that way as opposed to just having said something stupid. You know what it's like to say something stupid that you later really regretted, don't you, Mrs. Palin? Think hard! I'm sure you can come up with a time or two (October and November, perhaps?) when you may have said things that, in hindsight, were not the most well-thought out statements. You keep thinking. I'll get back to you. Or I'll have Katie Couric give you a call.

Who else wants to throw in their inflammatory remarks of fake offense taken after the President's comment? How about Special Olympics Chairman Timothy Shriver? He said, "I think it’s important to see that words hurt, and words do matter." And I totally agree with the guy. But I have yet to hear from the those who were "hurt" by the "words." “And these words that in some respect can be seen as humiliating or a put-down to people with special needs do cause pain, and they do result in stereotypes.” They can be seen that way, yes. Were they in this instance? I don't think so. It wasn't a mean or malicious statement. And he certainly wasn't trying to "humiliate" anyone! That is just ridiculous to even insinuate at. (And fortunately, not all of those involved with Special Olympics in a managerial sense feel the same way as Mr. Shriver, as Lori Arnold, the head of the Special Olympics in MIchigan stated, "We appreciate that the president "wasn't attempting to humiliate the Special Olympics." Finally! Sanity.) But let's see what a Special Olympian's reaction to this was.

Meet Kolan McConiughey, one of the nation's top Special Olympics bowlers with an average of 212 and a total of 5 perfect games. Holy crap, he's good! According to the AJC “He bowled a 129. I bowl a 300. I could beat that score easily." Yeah, he could! President Barry only bowled a 129 once! Kolan would also like to bowl against President Barry and show him a thing or two about bowling. “I’d tell him to get a new bowling ball, new shoes and bring him down to the lane. Keep his body straight, his arm straight and keep his steps straight. He has to practice every single day.” Good advice. Anyone else?

Then there's a one 21-year old Daniel Fletcher of Brentwood. His reaction? "I am willing to get a team to challenge him. I'd challenge him myself." Huh. Doesn't sound bothered. What about his dad, Warren? What did he think? "A little off-key, but he really didn't mean anything negative." Huh.

Actually, his father Warren puts how he feels about what President Barry said into words that are damn near eloquent. The video of him speaking is below and I can only hope that some of those who are trying to stir up something that isn't there would watch it and listen to this guy. They know what he meant. So if something that is supposed to be offensive to a certain person or group is not offensive to that person or group, is it still "offensive"? I don't know. I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, it can still be a stupid thing to say, but I don't think it has to be offensive.

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Bowling - The Newest Contact Sport

There are plenty of reasons to get into a fight. You run into cattle rustlers rustling your cattle. There's a big tub of Jell-O and a bunch of girls in bikinis. Someone gets their chocolate in your peanut butter. The possibilities are endless, really. But more than there are reasons to get into a fight, are many, many reasons to not get into a fight. A disagreement over bowling etiquette would be one of the latter reasons.

Correct. Bowling. The game where the object is to roll a large ball made of....of....hey. What is a bowling made out of? There's a variety of a colors and they're usually swirly. (That's probably because it makes the ball look cool when you're forced to watch someone else bowl and it was the only way to keep the spectators from turning to wood.) I guess I'm unfamiliar with the swirly element which composes the bowl for which to bowl. Huh. Cement? No, that wouldn't work. Marble? No, it's too big for a marble. Marbles are little. Cork? I'm never going to get it. I give. Where was I?

Oh, yeah! Bowling. The point is that there's not much to the game. It's apparently the etiquette, however, that became an item of discontent for a one Ryan Scott David during a bowling outing at the Rocklin AMF Lanes in Rocklin, CA.

According to the barely adequate reporting from MSNBC.com, "...a professional bowler from Vacaville, was upset because a group bowling next to him did not wait for their turn to bowl." That non-waiting group would be the one RSD was in. If you're not familiar with this rule, it works like this. If there are people bowling in adjacent lanes and they each approach to bowl, basically whoever gets to the approach (starting) dots first goes....? First! How'd you guess? The point of the rule is that it's easy to lose your concentration if you see someone out of the corner of your eye as your doing your bowling thing. And if someone is continually doing this, then it becomes even harder to keep your concentration and all the while keep muttering, "You stupid m-f'er" under your breath.)

So whenever this guy is getting ready to bowl, rather than just letting him take his turn before RSD and those in his group would bowl, they just didn't give a fat rat's ass and would walk right on up and bowl away. Not cool. What's wrong with you, RSD? Why can't you wait your turn? It's not that hard. You should have been learning all about waiting and taking turns since you were in elementary school. Probably didn't care then either, did you, loser?

(Side note: While not disputing that this did occur, I am a bit skeptical about the "pro bowler" actually being a "pro bowler". Have you ever bowled in a public bowling alley? It'd be similar to a pro golfer playing on a city course. That is to say, not likely to happen I wouldn't think. I suppose it could. I'm just not real sure how accurate that is. Hell, three or four beers in, if I'm bowling and you ask me if I'm a pro bowler, I'll tell you YES! And that is not just me!)

Pro bowler guy finally had enough and said something to the group. RSD didn't take to kindly to being told....well...probably anything, really. That's when the brawling began. That's correct. The brawling. Over who bowls first. ....Jesus. Don't you people have jobs to go to or some other way to expend your energy?

"During the brawl, 24-year-old Ryan Scott David allegedly tried to use a bowling ball to settle the dispute, knocking the victim's front tooth out in one piece -- root and all." Holy crap! He hit him in the face with the swirly ball of an unknown substance! Those swirly balls are heavy! I can't believe the tooth popped out in one piece! That's either a hell of a shot or a hell of a tooth, I don't know which one, but I'm feeling a little guilty that I kinda would have liked to have seen that happen (but only if it didn't involve someone getting their head bashed in by a lunatic wielding a bowling ball). And ol' Ryan Scott David? He looks about like you'd expect. Behold!

A quick-thinking EMT saved the tooth in a glass of milk to preserve it as they transported the victim to the hospital, where they reattached it." Of course. Because EMTs are always carrying around a glass of milk when assisting victims of bowling alley fights stemming from a disagreement over "I'm first! No, I'm first!"

"Doctors at Sutter Roseville Medical Center were able to replace the tooth with the hope that it will be able to re-attach itself." Re-attach itself? They're hoping for that? The doctors? They're the ones doing all of the hoping? You know, I tend to expect a bit more than "hope" from my physicians, but maybe this is what works for them. A whole lot of "hoping". (As in, "I hope I don't find myself at that hospital.")

"The victim suffered other injuries to his face from the impact of the bowling ball." Really? After being hit in the face with a bowling ball there were other injuries? Huh. Yeah, go figure.

And in another not-so-shocking move, RSD was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. (And again I ask, isn't anything and everything a deadly weapon if you're using it to bash someone else with? I think it is.) His father, a one Vernon David said, "He was just protecting himself. The other guy swung first. It was self-defense." Um, "self-defense" is when the other guy swings at you and you swing back without a bowling ball in your hand! It's called "assault" when you pummel the guy in the face with a bowling ball because you didn't want to wait your turn. (Psst! It's also called "being a dumbass" when you try and defend your son like that.)

But he then added, "He made a bad decision." There's a whole lot of bad decision making that goes on with members of your family, isn't there, sir? Your son made a bad decision to act like a feral child having a tantrum and you made a bad decision to try to say it was in self-defense. Hmmm. Apple. Tree. Got it.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I'm noticing trends in behavior that are not encouraging and it's due to either one of two things. It's either that there are more dumbasses in the world or that there is just more access (ie, the Internet) to the dumbasses and their antics. And I really don't know which one would be better, but I do know that people need to stop acting like they are the only one on the planet that matters.

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