The Presidential helicopter is called Marine One. They're not real creative with the names of the Presidential transport vehicles over there. (They're kinda like how Robert Palmer would do all of his music videos in the 80s the same. Couldn't think of anything else, eh, Robert?) Oh, but the President and his family all get Secret Service code names that are just all over the place. Names like Renegade, Renaissance, TwitterBerry, Love Muffin, Stud Cannon (Clinton, of course), Insufferable Shrew (Hillary), etc. But the vehicles are just One and Two. There's no Obamamobile, Obamacopter, Barrycycle. None of that. Marine One's little trick up it's sleeve is that it "...is capable of firing flares to divert heat-seeking missiles." And again, I say, Holy crap! Can't they demonstrate that for the public just once? Well, OK, once a year! Like on the Fourth of July! It'd be patriotic. It'd also be cool as hell to see a helicopter shoot out flares that whack a missile out of the sky. It'd be hard not to refer to your country as the "Home of the Brave" with something like that in the pack pocket of your helicopter. So to speak.
Then there's The Beast. No, not Hillary. The Presidential limo. President Barry's wheels has "...a tear gas cannon, a night-vision camera and oxygen tanks." A cannon?! That shoots tear gas?! Awesome! Put that on the Fourth of July lineup right after Marine One flares out some rockets! Cool. Wait, what are the oxygen tanks for? "It is capable of withstanding a chemical attack." It's hermetically sealed so they'll be able to breathe in there if the chemical attackers do their things. And I'm not saying I want that to happen, I just want to see how it works. How about if instead of doing the chemically attacks, they just drive that thing around the pig farms in Iowa (where the stench is rumored to be so horrendous that it justifies receiving the $1.8 million earmark included in the last bazillion dollar spending bill) and have it do it's thing there?
The Beast is also equipped with "...rocket-propelled grenades and pump-action shotguns." Right on! A cannon AND a grenade launcher. Most excellent! Something this cool really should not be kept hidden. They should be showing this puppy off whenever they get the chance. How often does President Barry use The Beast anyway? Oh, right. Everywhere. They even bring it on Air Force One when he travels, reinforcing the impression that it is indeed at BFP.
After riding around in The Beast for a little while, I'll bet that President Barry starts to wish that he was a little more superhero-ish. If you have access to a car (that's legal for cryin' out loud!) that can shoot grenades, launch missiles, and provide you with your own air, you're going to feel a little more nerdy than usual in your coat and tie sitting in there. You're going to want a utility belt and maybe some shiny, plastic, knee high boots. Oooh! And a cape! You have to have a cape in a car like that. Totally.
With all of the stuff that he's had on his plate since he took office, I'll bet that there are days when he just doesn't want to get out of that thing. He probably figures he has air in there, he's totally protected and no one will bother him. And even if they did bother him, he could just launch a grenade at their bothersome ass. I'd stay in there too. Just me and my cape.