Saturday, April 25, 2009

Stop Saying That

OK, media folks. It's time to pipe down. It's not like there isn't anything out there to write about. But for some reason, if something is mildly interesting or intriguing once, the media interprets that to mean that the public wants 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, wall to wall, blanket coverage of the topic.

Quite frankly, we don't. It's not so much that we don't want to know about whatever it is. We do. Well, we did. We don't now. Some things become so overhyped and sensationalized that you can't read or listen to anything at all without hearing about it. That's when you get to the stage that I'm at. That would be the "STFU" stage, also known as the "If I have to listen to one more person talk about (blank) one more time, I might just have to punch that person in the face." And that very thought, quite literally, goes through my mind these days whenever I hear any of the following:

~ Twitter

~ Facebook

~ Somali Pirates

~ Torture (This can sometimes include waterboarding, but I just heard that Keith Olbermann offered Sean Hannity $1,000 for every second that he can stand being waterboarded. Now THAT I want to hear about because if there's anyone that deserves to be waterboarded, if for nothing other than just being annoying, it's Sean Hannity.)

~ Susan Boyle

Seriously, pipe down. I'm also quite over a few catch phrases which have worn out their welcome (if we ever welcomed them at all). Those would include:

~ "These troubled economic times."

~ Any comparison to the Great Depression

~ Homes that are "under water". (Since when wereneighborhoods turning into the lost city of Atlantis? Under water? I believe the term is "upside down". Morons.)

~ "It's the economy."

~ "From Wall Street to Main Street." (AAuuggghhh!!! I HATE that saying. And people are STILL saying it. Can you folks not think of anything else? They ARE paying you for that job, correct?

Actually, I'm SO over these catch phrases that I cringe and become nauseous when I hear a newscaster try out a new cliche that they are just hoping will catch on so that they can say it twenty seven times in each story. The one I recently heard uttered on NBC Nightly News? Econocide. Translation: Suicide because of the economy. I believe the reporter (translation: Hot chick with a low cut top and a smokin' hot rack) used it in the following manner: "Some therapists are calling it 'econocide'." No they aren't. They're not. Trust me. They didn't say that. Show me. Show me ONE therapist who calls killing yourself (because you're too big of a puss to tough out a recession) 'econocide'. I cannot imagine they could show me one, let alone one who would admit to it.

Back to the topics that need to be dropped from all news coverage immediately, the coverage of Twitter is out of control. I'm expecting it to start popping up on food labels any day now. ("Doritos! Now with Twitter!" "Frosted Flakes! They're not as GGGRRRRRREEEAT as Twitter!") The amusing part is that the majority of the articles about Twitter center on how people don't know what it is and don't know what to do with it. My question is: If that many people DON'T get it, is it really THAT popular? But what is amazing is how so many people are so narcissistic that they send Tweets about the mundane aspects of their existence with the authentic (mis)assumption that people they don't even know on the other side of the world are just thrilled that they just woke up from a nap and are going to have a Pop-Tart. When Oprah joined Twitter (and send out her first tweet in large, shout-y CAPS), that is the precise moment whenTwitter jumped the shark.

Facebook. Facebook is just a fancy Twitter. (Or maybe it's that Twitter is a plain Facebook. It's one of those.) Facebook has it's own jargon which I find just too damn cutesy to actually use. Oh, I'll use it mockingly when I'm not on Facebook (it helps to have a friend with as much disdain for some of this crap as you have. Then you can mock it together.), but I am unlikely to type on Facebook "Keep in FB touch!" Facebook is highly overrated and highly overpromoted. Facebook claims to have 200,000,000 'users'. And it well might have that many. But how many 'users' actually 'use' Facebook daily? I'm guessing it's no where near the 200,000,000 who have registered with Facebook. After all, only 650,000 voted for or against the new 'Terms of Service'. That's right around 3.25 percent of Facebookers (Facebookians? Facists?) cared enough to vote. Facebook's actual popularity is far below what everyone seems to make it out to be, so pipe down.

The Somali pirate story. It's 2009, right? Argh. And we're talking about pirates on the high seas? (What IS a high sea anyway? Is there a low sea?) Argh! How did this happen? Oh, right. The pirates are from Somali where their quality of life is comparable to that of 250 years ago when pirates were in their glory days. Argh! Actually, you didn't hear much about all of the pirating going on until the US became involve through taking a captain of a shipping vessel hostage. THEN it became a story. And it was pretty cool that the snipers were able to totally take out all three pirates holding the hostage with just three bullets. One for each. Of course then we had to hear from all of the people who thought that the US used unnecessary force and that we should have done something differently. The only comfort I have when I hear statements like that is that perhaps, if those sniper guys need some targets to practice on, they'll have plenty! So yo-ho-ho! Enough with the pirates, matey.

Does the US torture? Nope. Does the US do things to enemy combatants that are not the most pleasant? Yep. But that's not good enough for all of the softheads out there that keep wanting to make 'torture' an issue. Now, in what may be the most glaring instance of irony in the past 100 years, in order to help appease these softheads, the CIA is going to be 'more transparent'. :::blink::: :::blink::: Huh. OK. What could possibly go wrong? We might not torture, but we are certainly not going to not impose uncomfortable measures or circumstances for people that have information that we need. That's how it works. There are a lot of unpleasant things about war and the public is really better off not knowing about them in most instances. It's not because they're hiding anything, it's just because military life and the workings of the military is SO different from civilian life and it's workings that it's very difficult for people to completely wrap their head around the reasons why certain things are done. And it's the softheaded civilians who, because they don't understand the ways of the military, deem that it's torturous and that we're evil. It's not and neither are we. But just know this: The tactics and practices that are currently used in order to coerce information out of prisoners will continue to be used in the future...regardless as to what we're told. Just enjoy your safety and get on with things, will ya?

Susan Boyle. If I have to hear "I dreamed a dream from something gone something...." one more time, I'm going to go all van Gogh on myself and cut off my ears. What I'm totally and completely over is the Monday morning analysis of this woman and people's reaction to her ability to sing like a bushy eyebrowed angel. Nearly all of the conclusions from dissecting this event point toward the public being a superficial, narcissistic bully. Why else would people assume that, just because Susan Boyle wasn't an uberstunning, Victoria's Secret model, that she couldn't sing? I'll tell you why. It's because she was being showcased on 'Britain's Got Talent', that's why. When the tryouts for shows such as that one, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, etc., are aired, what do we see 9 times out of 10? We see the whack jobs who think that they can sing. We see the disheveled, the mentally ill, the questionably functional, all inexplicably overconfident that they are going to be the next American Idol. Yet they're dressed as a chicken and holding a trumpet which then intend to play (thus rendering it incredibly difficult to sing, I would imagine). It's not that we are innately against the plain looking. It's that we've been conditioned to expect disaster during the tryout phases of these shows where the only requirement to try out is that you walk upright 75% of the time.

The Twitter and Facebook stories will be around for a while longer until either Twitter gets sold or Facebook goes public with stock. The pirates and the torture stories will die down soon enough, although the torture topic will come up when a bunch of pictures of said torture are released next month. (That will also do wonders for the moral of the country during these tough economic times!) But just when I though the Susan Boyle phenomenon was waning a bit, what happens? She goes off and gets a bloody makeover! Now I'm going to have to hear about what kind of clothes she was wearing for the next week and a half. Oh, right. Behold! Susan Boyle all made over! Yeah, that's nice and all. It's a definite improvement from before, but it isn't going to make her sing better or worse. It is going to make me get tired of the story rather quickly. Oh, look! I'm over it. Yep. Right then. Done.

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1 comment:

grannyann said...

You are right about everyone going overboard when they hit on something to report about. They are still doing the 9-11 bit, if I hear Obama say that things are going to be bad for awhile I will scream, etc, etc. (probably because he has a flying thing and spends so much on jet fuel)
and to top it off is the Miss (runnerup) USA question thing. I feel for the real Miss USA. Oh well.