Mother of the Year Frontrunner

You just never know when you're going to bump into one of those unfortunate individuals who is facetiously referred to as World's Greatest (Fill in the Ironic Blank Here). You know, like when Daniel Allen Everett of Clarkston, Michigan was arrested in a child sex abuse sting operation for arranging to meet a 14-year old girl (that he had met online) for sex. He did so while he was wearing a "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirt. Behold! Either the World's Biggest Typo or the World's Biggest A-Hole!

Asshat. But I digress. (Actually, I just like seizing the opportunity to put the a-hole's picture up so all to see. You know, just so we're all aware of who he is and what he's done. That way, if we ever bump into him in public, we'll know to kick him in the groin as hard as we can.) There's now a candidate for Mother of the Year. Our nominee hails from down under in Australia. She's nineteen years old and the mother of a 4-month old baby boy. She enjoys spending time with her son, breastfeeding, driving drunk, pulling in front of police cars and subsequently getting arrested. All at the same time. Wait. What?

Correct. The 19-year old female, who is not named for some reason unbeknownst to myself, from Alice Springs (that's in Australia) was leaving the Gap View Hotel when she pulled onto Gap Road (they're not very creative with their naming down under, apparently. Either that or they're huge into uniformity.) and did so right in front of a cop. Not good. But in her defense, I'm sure she wouldn't have done that had she not been extremely drunk. And breastfeeding her son at the time. (Hit head here. Continue hitting until head is numb or you are unconscious. Repeat if numbness wears off or consciousness is regained.)

Now, according to NineMSN.com, the woman "...was unable to provide a breath sample to police at the scene when asked to do so." And said a spokeswoman for the Northern Territory police, "She failed to blow into the breathalyser, which shows you how drunk she was." I'm not overly familiar with breathalyzers, other than it should be spelled with a 'z'. But from what I've seen on TV in the US, the cops give you this little straw to put your mouth and when they say "Blow!" you what? Blow, that is correct! So this chick was so hammered she couldn't even puff into a straw. Yep, that's drunk, all right.

I guess in Australia "failing to provide a breath sample" is a charge that is a serious offense which automatically assumes that you had a high blood-alcohol level in your system. And they don't need anymore evidence than that to say that you did. I'd imagine something that like would be difficult to defend yourself against in court. If they don't even need any proof of what your blood-alcohol level actually was, what are you going to say about it to change their mind? I'm thinking that there isn't anything you can say because why would someone change their mind? It's like if you could tell someone that they had to give you $1,000 and didn't have to give them any proof that they owed you that money, why would you listen to anyone's reasoning as to why they don't have to pay you if whatever you say can go without your providing any evidence? You wouldn't change your mind. You'd take your thousand bucks and high tail it over to the next person you think owes you money. Heckuva way to make a living, that's for sure.

So Super Mom was charge with failing to provide a breath sample and a host of other offenses. She was also slapped with (and just should have been plain ol' slapped):

• Driving while disqualified
• Driving an unregistered and uninsured motor vehicle
• Failing to give way
• Driving with a child under 12 months old who was unrestrained

"Driving while disqualified." I like the way that sounds. Hell, that could refer to me for a variety of different circumstances, only in my case it would be called "Doing while disqualified." I can attest that there are plenty of things that I am either disqualified for or definitely should be disqualified for. But I digress, too.

She might be able to get out of the driving with an unrestrained child charge. She was breastfeeding at the time. If that kid had a good enough suction going on, I'd say he was fully restrained and wasn't going anywhere!

Look, all kidding aside, this woman is a Class A Moron who absolutely shouldn't be on the road, probably shouldn't be in a bar, and definitely needs to have her parenting abilities assessed, lest the next time she pulls a stunt like this and gets in an accident and her child becomes the Human Air Bag. Asshattery at it's finest.

The NT Police Superintendent, a one Jamie Chalker, found the incident to be "horrendous" and then issued a statement which had me wondering if he had been drinking. He said: "It is unimaginable that a mother could be so callous in her disregard for the safety of her child.

"As if it weren't bad enough to be so drunk behind the wheel that you almost run into a police car, it defies belief that she had no concept that her actions could have killed her child.

"I find it increasingly frustrating that people show so little responsibility for their actions, but this is without a doubt one of the most stupid and reckless actions I've come across.

"People must take responsibility for their loved ones when they are clearly unable to make rational decisions for their own safety, the safety of others and the risk they pose to the general public."

I really don't know what he meant by that last statement. I don't know if he meant that the people who were not able to make rational decisions that effected the safety of others were the ones that needed to take responsibility, or if he meant that if someone is unable to rationally make decisions effecting other's safety, that a loved on should step in and take responsibility for them. Regardless of which one he meant, neither one of those things are going to happen. If you can't make a rational decision because you're plowed, that's not changing anytime soon (at least, not until the booze wears off). And as far as loved ones stepping in? That sounds a bit enabling to me. Just because they're a "loved one" doesn't mean they're always loved. Nope, quite the contrary in most cases. My "loved ones" bug the crap outta me. Don't get me wrong, I'd give them a ride if they were all drunk and breastfeeding and all, but they'd have to comp me for the gas. What?! They're drunk and lactating in my vehicle?? I get gas money. End of story.


This chick has court on April 23rd (they're quite speedy in turning the wheels of justice down under). Hopefully she'll have sobered up a bit by then and won't come stumbling into the courtroom with a suckling child attached to her bosom.

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