Sunday, April 12, 2009

You Don't Know Bo. Yet.

The dog! The dog is coming! The dog is coming! For cryin' out loud, how is it that getting a dog when you're the President of the United States becomes such a big freaking deal? I'm not holding my breath this time either. I've been hearing about this damn dog for months now, and what do we have? No dog, that's correct. So now is supposed to be different than the other times we've heard this story? Apparently so.

The Puppy Rumor Mill has it that the First Dog will be making a public appearance on Tuesday, April 14. No word on why Tuesday as opposed to Monday or, I don't know, say...NOW. But according to the AP, it will be on Tuesday. Then again, the AP led the story about the dog with "THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information." The dog is a "breaking news update"? You know, I'm going to disagree. I don't think it is. But I might be the only one with that viewpoint. When President Barry was in France last week and held a town hall style meeting, a French high school student asked asked him this question: "Do you think that the economic crisis is an opportunity to restructure our industries in an ecological and sustainable way? And also was wondering whether the dog was already in the White House or not." Good Lord. (For the record, President Barry responded with: "The -- we -- we are getting a dog. This is a very important question in the United States, what kind of dog we're getting and when we're getting it. It should be there soon." Yep, that's what us dumb Americans are concerned about. Never mind the economy, unemployment, pirates abroad, none of that. We just want to know about the dog. Thanks for that, President Barry.

Want to know more about the First Pup? First Pooch? First Member of Obama's Family to Pee on the Presidential Carpet? (I'm assuming, of course. Who knows? Maybe someone got really excited on inauguration night, but I think we would have heard about that somehow. I envision a blazing headline that proclaims "Obama Cannot Contain Himself After Victory - Wets Self in Oval Office." You know we would have read that.) According to the story, the canine will be a "black-and-white Portuguese Water Dog on Tuesday from the same lineage as Sen. Ted Kennedy's pets." Um, wait. What?

Along the same lineage as Ted Kennedy's pets? How drunk are these dogs? And what about size because I'm picturing them being quite large. That could be a problem. They'll get stuck in the Presidential Doggie Door! But those things aside, why is this important? Aw, crap, does this mean we're gonna have to watch the Zapruder film again? That thing gets trotted out and played at the mere whiff of the Kennedy name.

A Portuguese water dog, eh? I suppose it has paperwork or red tape or something. I guess that would make it a legal immigrant if it's originally from Portugal, correct? In these tough economic times, shouldn't he be giving precedence to American dogs? Oh, wait. Or is being the Presidential Dog one of the jobs that American dogs won't do? That must be it.

The dog is currently 6-months old and goes by the name of Charlie. (As In Brown?) The word is, however, that the dog will be renamed when he arrives at the White House. Renamed? He's six months old! He knows his name already. He's Charlie the Dog! He's not going into the witness protection program, he's going to live with President Barry and the fam! Do they have a better name than Charlie? That's hard to say, but I'm sure it will shock you to learn that there are rumors about what the dog's name will be. Yeah, that's shocking all right.

Michelle Obama had previously stated that the girls, Sasha and Malia, had suggested named like "Frank" and "Moose". Both are excellent choices in the genre of dog names. However, Michelle didn't particularly care for those names (another shocker!) and has been trying to steer the girls away from "Frank" and "Moose" and the likes thereof. But the Washington Post reports that they have settled on the name "Bo", supposedly because Michelle's Dad's nickname was Diddley. (No, the story does not delve into why the man was called Diddley. Yes, unfortunate. I agree.) And while that could be, is it just a coincidence that President Barry's initials are B.O.? Huh? I think not. They named after him. I'm sure of it. You heard it here first.

The Post has the picture below with a caption that reads: "The Obamas' new pet is a 6-month old Portuguese Water Dog, which Malia and Sasha have named Bo." Huh. Apparently, Bo is part Hawaiian. Behold!

OK, look, I really wanted to mock the crap out of this one, but that dog is just too dang cute. Fine! He's freaking adorable. Nice lei! Here is the lei'ed half Hawaiian Bo meeting the family. Still dang cute. Behold!


Now mind you, all of this is still just at the rumor stage. Tuesday is apparently the day when all will be revealed to the nation and the rest of the world. That's when we can all let out a collective sigh of relief that the Obama's finally have their dog. Or we can just go about our lives as if it doesn't matter to us....which it doesn't. But since things are still in the rumor stage, there's still plenty of time for a little wagering. On the dog's name, of course.


A while back, Gambling911 published a list of potential dog names and the odds that went along with each name. Even money was on Hope. Hope? (My money is on the oddsmakers being morons with an even money pick like Hope.) Sam and Lucky both received 3:1 odds. Max, Molly, Maggie and Sadie all received 4:1 odds. For some reason, Flo Rida was in a 20:1, which is also the same odds given to the First Family naming the dog Oprah or Tina Fey. Go figure. I found it amusing that Spot had the same odds at 100:1 as did the name Ahmadinejad (I'm a Dinner Jacket).

Now, since the dog was sort of set up by Ted Kennedy, don't we have to add other names to the list of prospects. I think we do. And I think that they would probably end up right around the same range of probability as where Ahmedinejad is at 100:1. So let's make sure that we don't forget possibilities such as:

  • Chappaquiddick
  • Koepechne
  • Scotch
  • Love Child
  • Behemouth

All at 100:1. Book 'em while you can. And pay attention on Tuesday to see if Bo ends up at the White House and whether or not Bo knows diddley or whether Bo goes diddley.

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2 comments:

grannyann said...

I like you will certainly be glad when everyone (almost) can finally put this to rest and get on with something important!!!

grannyann said...

well ABC news announced just now 5:25 CDT that Bo is the new dog.