Monday, September 29, 2008

She's Witch-Free!

You know, sometimes people will hear something about someone, (let's just say, for hypothetical purposes, like a political candidate for Vice President who happens to be the hottest thing fifty miles east of Russia) that is a little bit strange or different and they will neglect to see the positive in it. Instead, all they can focus on is the strangeness and the weirdness. The positive aspects, in some ways, could be the most valuable and yet they're being completely overshadowed by the bizarre. Here's what I mean...

From the folks over there at the Associated Press, we learn that "A video on her (Sarah Palin's) hometown church Web site shows her being blessed three years ago by a Kenyan pastor who prayed for her protection from "witchcraft" as she prepared to seek higher office." She was subsequently deemed to be free from witchcraft and free from witches. I see. Wait. What?

Now, the video was unearthed by the National Enquirer. (I'm not saying that diminishes any sort of validity that the video may have. After all, it was the National Enquirer who kept saying for months that the weasel of all slimy weasels, John Edwards, had cheated on his cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth with some floozie videographer. And the National Enquirer was right. So they do have some credibility. Not a lot, but a little bit more than before the John Edwards thing.) The video "shows Palin standing before Bishop Thomas Muthee in the pulpit of the Wasilla Assembly of God church, holding her hands open as he asked Jesus Christ to keep her safe from "every form of witchcraft." " The Associated Press also reports that "Palin does not say anything on the video and keeps her head bowed throughout the blessing." Huh. OK, then.

Granted, I find this odd. And by odd I mean really freaking strange. What the hell is she doing with some voodoo doctor who might as well be dancing around in a grass skirt, speaking in tongue and waving a chicken bone in the air?! That can't be good for anyone (let alone the chicken).

So, as you can imagine, a lot of people are freaking out about this. I was freaking out about this at first also. But then, that's when I thought that this really isn't that bad. In fact, it's kind of good. She's free from witches. Well, that's GREAT! I don't want a Vice President that is NOT free from witches! I can't have someone in the White House all witch-y and stuff. She's witch-free! And that's how I like most things in my life to be - without witches! See? It's not so bad!

Ah, the media. Always looking for the negative. But here I managed to take the most whack-a-doodle of whack-a-doodle and, by some miracle, find that silky, silvery lining that makes everything just fine. No witches is good in my book! Spread the word!

Do we know if Joe Biden is free of witches? I don't think we do! He may not be! And do you really want to take that chance? That's the question only you can answer. (I certainly can't answer it because after that load of crap I just spewed out, I'm not going to be taken seriously for at least another hour and a half.)

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