Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fake News About Real People


It is amazing how people will take any little thing that they can dig up about a candidate running for any sort of public office and make it sound like it's the biggest deal since Watergate. It's as if something is reported enough times by enough media sources and with each source including just a touch of indignation with their report that something that is not news suddenly becomes news. And not just news. A lot of the time, these incidents get twisted to the degree that they are soon labeled as a "controversy" or a "scandal". But in reality, the alleged "scandal" is barely even a "story", but the public has been scammed into thinking that it's a bid deal. That's right, it's a scam-dal.

The latest scamdal involving the getting hotter by the day candidate for Vice President Sarah Palin is that shortly after she was elected Governor of Alaska she had a tanning bed installed in the governor's mansion. Can you believe it? A tanning bed! Wait. A freaking what? Tanning bed? Well, who the hell cares?

OH, wait a minute! I think I might know where the real scandal is! The hook has to be that she paid for it with taxpayer money, right? Or with money that was from some kickback from the oil companies? That must be it, right? What? She paid for it with her own money? Well, then who gives a crap? Are you freaking kidding me?!

Why are people freaking out about this? I find it amazing that she paid for it with her own money and not taxpayer dollars and that isn't the big story. No, instead it's that she had a tanning bed put in there in the first place. She's in Alaska for cryin' out loud and she's trying to be hot so that she can get elected things like governor!! Priorities! Besides, isn't the sun only visible in Alaska like three months out of the year and the rest of the time they're just in total darkness? Yeah, I think that sounds right. She'd be frightening if she was all pale like the other 10 women who live in Alaska. I see nothing wrong with this. It could be worse.

The governor's mansion in Alabama has a pool that is shaped like Alabama. Back in 2007, it was leaking and cost taxpayers $75,375 to have it repaired, even though it's only used a handful of times every year. Apparently just filling it in and getting rid of it was not an option, but no one says why.

WBIR.com tells us that in 2007, the governor's mansion in Tennessee was undergoing renovations which included an underground banquet hall. Total cost for the renovations was $19.2 million with $11.1 million being footed by the taxpayers.

Renovations on the Texas governor's mansion will cost around $10 million this year.

Sarah Palin put a freaking tanning bed in the governor's mansion and paid for it with her own money. What is the big deal? You'd rather have her spending money like the aforementioned states above? I didn't think so.

I don't care what she does in her own home as long as it isn't illegal and as long as it doesn't involve fornicating with any moose, caribou or any other animal that may or may not be native to Alaska, Canada and/or Russia. We've all seen pictures of Sarah Palin and she doesn't seem to be suffering from the dreaded condition known (by me) as OTOS, Over-Tanned Orange Syndrome. You know what I mean. You've seen the people who are in the tanning bed way too much and stop looking tan and start taking on a sort of orange hue. Kind of like a carrot. It's not normal. She looks fine. (Good God, she looks more than fine. Why are people bitching about this?!)

Over there at something called The Dish Rag by Elizabeth Snead, at the end of the interpretation of this scamdal it tries to imply that there is "irony" in Sarah Palin having her own tanning bed because "... Palin declared May 2007 to be Skin Cancer Awareness Month in Alaska. In the press release, it read, "Skin cancer is caused, overwhelmingly, by over-exposure to ultraviolet radiation from the sun and from tanning beds.” And? Do you know if she is over-using her tanning bed and thus receiving an "over-exposure to ultraviolet radiation?" No, you don't and there's no indication that she is over-using her own tanning bed. (Yo, Liz! Do you go out in the sun? Oh, the irony!! Someone writing about the irony of Sarah Palin and her tanning bed and that author goes out in the sun and is exposed to ultraviolet rays just like Sarah Palin is in her tanning bed! Oh, the irony again!! See, I'd be a jackass if I thought that, right? Uh-huh. Think about it, Liz. You'll see it.)

The same article I just mentioned also managed to seek out and find someone who would provide the most inflammatory commentary about the subject when they asked the opinion of a one Erin Weise who is (surprisingly) the manager of a Color Me Tan (tanning salon, I'm assuming) that is based in Alaska. She seems to think that "tanning beds can cost up to $35,000 to install in a home -- not including parts. I don't think it's normal for people to have a tanning bed in their house. It's expensive." First of all, if you're paying $35,000 to have a tanning bed installed in your house, you're an idiot. That is the most extreme case ever. Look on eBay right now for tanning beds. Average price? Between $3,500 and $5,000. And it was important for us to know that the manager of a tanning salon doesn't think that having a tanning bed in your own home is normal...why? Why are we asking the manager of the tanning salon for her opinion on normal? (I'm not really sure that I'd call managing a tanning salon "normal" (I definitely wouldn't call it "desirable", so I guess it's all relative.) Next time, just ask someone who has been in the sun in the past hour their opinion. I'm sure it will be equally as informational.

Do you people that have a problem with this really think it's a good idea to start deciding that people can and can't do with their own money in their own home? Because that's what you're doing. I don't think that's a good idea at all. I think it's a horrible idea. And trust me, if people knew about that one thing you have. You know the one. Over there. Behind the....right! That thing. If people knew that you had that in your home, do you think they would think that was normal?! Of course not. You don't even think it's normal and it's your house! So lay off Sarah Palin. She's hot and she's tan. Two qualities that are highly desirable in a Vice President if you're asking me.

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