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Today I learned that it is cheap, very cheap, we're talking dirt cheap, to get a hooker in London. London whores? Extremely inexpensive. I also learned that there are many, many, many brothels in London at which to find and pay for the cheap ass whores. Who knew? I'm guessing the Londoners, but other than them? Well, not me.
There's a group called the POPPY Project in Southwark and their purpose and mission is to "provide education about prostitution and to help victims of sex trafficking." That according to the fine chaps across the pond at BBC News. Therefore, to fulfill that mission, they had their researchers pose as "potential punters" ("Punters"? Is that British for "john"? They have to have their little names for everything, don't they?) and call some brothels that they found advertising in newspapers. Wow. Whorehouses in the newspaper. While that's interesting, it's not exactly the most shocking part of this aspect of the story. No, that aspect would be that those whorehouses that they called? Yeah, there were 921 of them.
921 brothels in London?! 921 whorehouses?! What's the average number of whores per house in London? I don't know either, but let's assume it's 5. (I realize that's a low estimate, but the number is going to seem huge as it is. I see no need to get carried away.) That would mean that there are 4605 whores in London. That's approximately 28 whorehouses for each of London's 33 boroughs. (A borough is basically like a town or a city. There they go again with their fancy little names. What's wrong with just "town", London?) Holy whorehouse, now THAT'S a lot of whores.
(Say, is there a correct term for when more than one hooker gathers in the same location at the same time? Like a gaggle? A flock? A herd? A pride? (Oh, it most certainly is not called a "pride of hookers". The term "hooker" itself automatically implies that it is devoid of any "pride" in the first place.) I'm just going to go with "handful". A handful of hookers. Catchy, no?)
So, the sneaky, punter posing researchers learned that some of the brothels charge as low as £15.
Now, over there in the UK, they don't use the Euro. No, as we've already learned, the UK needs to be all fancy, so their unit of currency is pounds sterling. (Pounds sterling? Rather pretentious sounding, don't you think?) Pounds sterling is represented by the " £ " sign, which is yet another pretentious UK personalization. To convert pounds sterling to US dollars, every £1 is the equivalent of approximately $1.772 USD. Thus, £15 would convert to $26.58. For a hooker!
Look, I know the economy is rough and all, but less than thirty bucks for a whore? And while she is a whore and all, even thirty bucks seems low for a whore. The article does say that if you want unprotected sex, that can run you another £10 or $17.72 USD. (Me, personally, I'd be wanting to pay extra for super-duper, over protected sex. She IS a hooker, remember?) That's $44.30 for unprotected sex with a hooker in London. You can't go on a date with a non-hooker for less than $50! Holy canoli! And the article doesn't mention a coupon or frequent flyer program or anything like that, so I can only assume it's just the regular going rate.
By the way, if you're the sort of person who this sort of thing appeals to, well, thanks for reading. But aside from that, if you're going to partake in such an activity, might I suggest that you don't actually count out the change for the hooker? Think of it as a tip, perhaps? But don't be asking her if she has a penny or anything like that. Just fork over the cash and get down to it. (I'm sure that information is available on a brochure at the Chamber of Commerce there in London, but his way, you'll already be prepared.)
With prices like those, how profitable are these brothels anyway? Good question. The answer will shock you (especially when you factor in the $26.58 per whore price tag). The researchers estimated that "the brothels generated between £50m to £130m a year." Here's a bit of foreshadowing: That little "m" after the 50 and the 130? Yeah, that's stands for "millions". And after I do the math, you will know that turns out to between $88,600,000 and $230,100,000! WTF?!?!
OK, something is wrong with their math! There is no way in hooker hell or hooker heaven (depending upon your perspective) that those slut sanctuaries are generating millions and millions of dollars or pounds sterling or whatever the hell unit of currency you horny bastards are forking over to them hand over fist (innuendo so implied!). NO way! Oh, wait a minute. I forgot that there were 921 of them, for cryin' out loud! Geez. You just don't think of someplace like London having 921 brothels, you just don't! So then that comes out to approximately $249,837 per brothel in London per year. And some of these chicks are doing it for less than fifty bucks per punter! (See? I can be uppity and British too!)
Actually, according to these researchers, the "average price for full sex was about £62." That's a little over $108 USD. And while that's more reasonable for the person getting paid for all of the sex, it's still an abomination. I'll bet that even if Wal-Mart had hookers, they'd get paid more than that! But what is "full sex"? After you've eaten? The article doesn't say.
And here comes the scientific conclusion that the researchers arrived at: "This research shows the disturbing prevalence of the sex industry in every corner of London - fuelled by the demand for prostitution services." First of all, what in the hell else would it be fuelled by if not the "demand for prostitution services"? And second, why is what is being focused on the "prevalence of the sex industry on every corner in London"? Personally, I'd be more concerned about the seemingly insatiable "demand for prostitution services" in London. I mean, shouldn't you want to know why those uppity Brits are so damned
horny randy all the time that they need a brothel on every corner like they were 7-11s? The brothels are just meeting a need. Don't blame the brothel!
So what have we learned today? More than any of us wanted to, that is correct. But let's review anyway.
You can get a hooker in London just about anywhere you go for very, very cheap. It has been estimated (by me) that there are thousands of whores working the many, many brothels in London for a mere pittance paid in pounds sterling every time they jump in the sack with a punter. (And not the kind of punter that you'll find in the NFL, either. Well, not always that kind of punter.) We also learned that the whorehouses make a boatload of money every year. And finally, we learned that sometimes, when they feel it's necessary, scientists/researchers can be very, very sneaky in conducting their little experiments and gathering all of their data. But probably only the British ones are like that. I'm sure that the scientists and researchers in this country (even the ones working for the Federal Government) aren't sneaky hardly at all.