Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Case of the Criminal Half-fro

I don't know if this goes into the category of "Dumbest Criminals" or "Best Mugshot Ever". There might need to be a new category created. Perhaps something along the lines of "Best Mugshots of the Dumbest Criminals." Or should that be "Worst Mugshots of the Dumbest Criminals"? Whatever it's called, right now, it has one inductee. Marcus T. Bailey, come on down! Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? And what happened?! So, SO many questions. (Oh, crap! This isn't some new trend I haven't heard about yet, is it? Like the damned sagging pants thing? Please tell me that I'm not going to have to stare at that whenever I leave my walled off compound and venture out into public. Because if it is, that's just going to reinforce all of my reasons for having the walled off compound.) Fortunately, there are answers to all of them. Meet Marcus T. Bailey. a 25-year old Evanston, Indiana man who is quite dedicated to running his own business. Now, his business is selling crack cocaine, but he seems very dedicated to the craft.

It would seem that Mr. Bailey had gone to a barbershop on the south side of Evansville to have (wait for it) his hair braided. I guess that when you're Mister Big Time Crack Dealer, you can afford to have a south side barbershop worker braid your hair for you. I'll admit to not knowing a whole lot about this kind of hair braiding, but I know even less about barbershops on the south side of towns in Indiana. Since when did barbers get into the hair braiding business? Is this new?

New or not, he was there and it would seem that the process had just begun when a couple of his clients arrived and needed to hold an impromptu meeting in the boardroom. That being in a car out in front of the barbershop. Being as how I'm unfamiliar with Indiana, I had this need to know exactly how stupid of a move this was, holding your business meetings in front of a barbershop. Stupid, yes. But how stupid was my question. Thanks to those Google Boys and all of their maps, I have concluded that it was very stupid. Behold! Said barbershop.

Yeah, there's not a whole lot around there that leaves any room for obstructing the vision of anyone who may or may not be intentionally watching what's going on. (Hey, Indiana! How about some trees?) And when you're hanging out in a car with a couple of other folks, it's pretty easy for the cops to see what's going on. And they're going to be paying attention to what's going on when they are actively seeking you out because you had a warrant for your arrest for some sort of parole violation. You know, the parole that you were on from the last time that you went to prison for dealing drugs. It was similar to those other times that you went to prison for things like being convicted of "...cocaine possession, carrying a handgun without a license, criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement." Yeah, it was just like that. What a maroon.

Bailey's customers, a one Demorrio Lawrence and a one Tamarra Blue, had been told that he'd be at the barbershop and if they needed some crack, that's where to find him! Wow, he's a really good business man. Always keeping the clients well informed about the day-to-day operations. That boy's going to go far. Far, far away! (Why would you name your kid Tamarra Blue? Were you hoping that one day she'd fulfill that destiny of being either a stripper or a hooker? Because that's who would have a name like Tamarra Blue - strippers and hookers.).

Clearly, when Mr. Bailey stepped outside and into his "office" to conduct business, he had not yet finished his prior business, that being all the braiding of all of the hair. It's when he was outside an in his "office" with his clients that "Law enforcement arrived on scene at this time and placed Bailey into custody prior to the completion of the transaction." That according to the folks over there at the Evansville Courier & Press. I know it only looks like it's about a quarter of the way finished, but I'm still going to call that look the "half-fro". It's catchy. I think it'll stick.

But get this: After all of the arresting goes down, those two "...were cited for possession of narcotics paraphernalia and released" while our hero there gets arrested and charged with a class A felony count of dealing cocaine. I guess I was thinking that they would all get arrested, but that's not the case. Do you want to know why? It's because "...Blue and Lawrence had physical signs of being crack-cocaine addicts, suggesting they were buying the drug. Bailey did not have any such physical signs." That according to the affidavit. Wait. What?! They were cited but not arrested because they were crack addicts? How does THAT work? That makes little to NO sense to me. (Don't tell me it's because of 'jail overcrowding'. They're in Indiana!) I'm finding the not getting arrested because you're a drug addict part of this story a bit troubling. It doesn't seem like there'd be a huge incentive to NOT be a drug addict or, at the very least, to NOT get caught. Maybe they're just trying to deter people from moving up from user to dealer or something. I don't know, but I'm thinking a few hours in jail can't hurt!

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about Mr. Bailey's duo of customers, I found Ms. Blue's MySpace page and with neither permission nor malice, borrowed these photos to use as a visual aid. Also, you can see how close she looks to what you were picturing her to look like in your head. Ready? A crack customer! Behold!

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How'd you do? Of course you did! I had faith. This one wasn't too hard to noodle through and come up with a mental image.

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