Monday, June 1, 2009

Please Think Twice Before Using That Knife

You know how when little kids don't get their way they'll throw a tantrum or hold their breath? All in the hopes that you'll change your mind or that they'll get their way somehow? It never works. (At least, it should never work!) But they'll keep doing it until they figure out that a) throwing a tantrum does not get you what you want, and/or b) you can only hold your breath for just so long before you either give up or pass out. But until they figure out that these tactics of theirs are not going to work, there's really no harm done. Even the holding the breath thing doesn't hurt them. Eventually, they'll breathe! It's how it works. It's a marvelous system that way, the respiratory system is.

But there are some tantrums that COULD be harmful. Such as the 'tantrum' that a 25-year old labor worker in Egypt threw after being denied permission to marry the girl of his choice (instead of having his marriage arranged for him to someone that he possibly didn't know and likely didn't love). When this guy threw a tantrum, he did it by way of lopping off his manhood with a hot knife. Ay, Cairo-umba!

Correct. According to up there in Edmonton in America's Hat, the man "...cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family." Now that's some spite! Holy crap! Every time I hear one of these 'missing manhood' stories, I always cringe even though I don't even have one! But doing to to yourself?! Zoiks!

This man (and I use that term loosely at this point as he was taken to a hospital but "...doctors were unable to reattach the severed member") is not going to be happy with himself when he realizes what he has done. Or undone. Whichever. Bottom line is the guy has no one thing. He has nothing.

It would seem that the man (again, used loosely) had been trying to marry this girl that he loved for the past two years, but his father wouldn't have it. I guess you can only be denied permission to marry the person that you love for just so long before you start mutilating your reproductive organs, eh? (I am SO praying that this sort of behavior doesn't catch on here in California after the courts upheld the ban on gay marriage. This state has enough problems without a bunch of guys hacking off their units. I mean, holy cow, could you imagine? Say, in San Francisco? If that were to occur, they'd be assemble to assemble a choral unit that could rival the Vienna Boys Choir!) Personally, before I took a knife to my nether regions, it would be a hell of a lot longer than two years, that much I do know!

The article says that he "heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ." Well, that's something you're not going to be able to reproduce, that's for sure! Interesting that he heated it up first. I don't know what their living quarters situation is there in Egypt, so I don't know what options the lad had. I don't know if it was possible for him to keep a blow torch in his room where he could heat up the improvisational scalpel in private or if he had to venture into the family living areas and heat his knife over a fire pit in the commons area or what. That could have been awkward though. ("Whatcha doin' with that big knife in the fire pit there, son?" "He won't talk to you, Dad. He's holding his breath again." "Does this have something to do with my not letting you marry Jeannie?" "Dad, it's not Jeannie. Jeannie isn't even Egyptian." "But she has the little hat!" "I know. But she's white and it's called a fez, Dad. It doesn't mean she's Egyptian.")

This is where all of the trouble came from: The guy was "...from a prominent And in a twisted bit of irony, the ruins of Luxor are rather in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt's poorest and most conservative areas that is also home to the famed ancient Egyptian ruins of Luxor." Again, why we need to know which Egyptian ruins are in his neighborhood is beyond me. But now we know. And the reason it was a problem for him, a prominent fellow, to be carnally mixing with a commoner is that "Traditionally, marriages in these conservative part of southern Egypt are between similar social classes and often within the same extended families - and are rarely for love." Aww.

While I can understand his frustration, I still think he was being a bit drastic in the schlong severing. Perhaps he was seeing it as a noble deed, but I don't know that many others are going to see it quite that way. And really, even if the object of his affection did see it as noble, would she even want to marry him after an incident like that? Pretty much, he's proven himself to be a tad bit on the unstable side, not to mention a large bit on the don't-have-a-penis-anymore side. Crazy is not a character trait that many women look for in a potential mate. I'm just saying.

Maybe he hoped it would cure his lustful desires for the girl. I don't think it works that way, though. Oh, sure, I would have thought it worked that way earlier in my life. But somehow, I've come to realize that it's not just about all of the fornicating, enjoyable as it is! His loins might not be burning with love anymore (they'll be burning with antiseptic for a while, though), but his head will still be in love with her. And unless he wants to cut that off as well, he's still going to feel the same way. Only this time, he'll feel that way without a penis.

Huh. Yeah, there really was no way to spin this so that it had a jovial ending. He's screwed. Not literally, of course. That's impossible at this point.

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1 comment:

grannyann said...

oops, that was not a funny post.