That Was Quick

Remember how yesterday I told you about how a bunch of paparazzi mistook the delightful 66-year old Deborah Harry for the allegedly 25-year old Lindsay Lohan? Well, in a startling development, Lindsay was seen today sporting red hair once again. Behold!

I guess having a 66-year old woman mistaken for you is enough to mix up the ol' physical appearance just a bit, eh? It's awesome, just awesome, that she did this so soon. Man, if only she had done things differently in regard to her legal troubles with as much efficiency as changing her hair color. Things might have gone a little bit easier for ol' LiLo. Who am I kidding? She's a train wreck no matter what color her hair is.

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That's A Stabbin'

Have you ever gotten so angry at someone that you can't even finish what it is that you're doing because it's much more important for you to jump up and stab that person right that very second? Yes? No? Well, if your answer was no, then you are clearly not David Davis of Stamford, Connecticut. He chose stabbing over finishing his haircut. And for more reasons that one, he should have just continued with the haircut and then commenced with all of the stabbing.

Here's the story: The aforementioned Mr. Davis was having his hair cut at an apartment. Now, that's not the typical place one goes for a haircut (if one is older than five, that is), so I guess I shouldn't be overly surprised that not a lot of typical stuff went on during this haircut. The Huffington Post tells us that midway through his haircut, he felt the need to jump up, grab a pair of scissors (which I'm assuming were being used by his 'barber') and stab another man in the back. I would really like to know what was so enraging to Mr. Davis that he just couldn't sit there any longer and felt the need to really get a-stabbin' immediately.

At some point, the police showed up after Mr. Davis had impaled and fled. No problem, though. The police dog found him hiding in a nearby apartment and he was arrested. Yeah, it's a shame that he didn't get to finish his haircut before his mugshot. If you're going to commit a crime, try to make sure that you won't look like a complete freakazoid when you eventually get arrested and photographed. Behold!

Good Lord. Granted, he looks like a complete fool in that photo, but judging from the size of that 'fro, he wasn't exactly overly dapper to begin with. And according to him, the fracas got started when he was approached by the stabee the victim in what he described as "an aggressive manner." That's why he picked up the scissors. It was self-defense. It is hard to imagine how much defending himself he had to do when you consider that the victim was stabbed in the back. Usually, when people have their back to me, I'm not really feeling all that threatened by them. I certainly don't feel the need to arm myself with a pair of scissors. But then again, I have no idea what goes down in the haircutting hoods of Stamford.

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Hairy, Nipple-less Models in Berlin

I've never understood fashion shows. It's mainly because the stuff that they're showcasing always seems so unfashionable to me. Hats that are four feet wide. Space boots with a 9-inch stiletto heel. Men wearing plaid skorts. I always look at the stuff and can never think of anyone who would wear it, nor any situation in which it could be worn. Things were a little different this time at Berlin Fashion Week, but not in a way that helped me warm up to any of the ensembles that were displayed.

This time, a one Patrick Mohr came up with outfits that I found to be something that someone might actually wear in real life. It's just unfortunate that he chose to have them go down the catwalk being clad on someone who I don't even think exists in real life. At least, I pray that they don't exist in real life. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? Yeah, it's kind of hard for me to say, exactly. It appears to be a slightly anorexic albino woman who has misplaced her nipples. She also seems to be in desperate need of a Schick razor. A hat wouldn't hurt. I doubt it would help much, but it certainly couldn't hurt. I'm not sure what look he was going for, but he did it for all of his items at this particular show. Behold!

Hmmm. I see a trend. Still rather anorexic looking. Definitely still bald. Obviously still sporting feline-like whiskers for some reason. But again, wearing something that could be worn by a regular person. Which further asks the question as to why he felt the need to have such an irregular person wearing the items. Are there more? Of course there are! Did you really think I'd stop after only two? Behold!

Yes, yes, it seems fairly clear that this is definitely a look that he is going for. The baldness. The overgrown facial hair. The presumably absent nipples. It's very clear that it's intentional. What isn't so clear is why it's intentional.

It's inexplicable. (Completely without splick!) In the one below, he seems to have added a skull cap...and part of a skull! It's like the he-she is from another planet. One that appears to be warm and requires a nice airy tank top in order to stay cool.

But do you see what I'm saying about the clothing being pretty normal? Usually, the clothing at these types of shows are anything but normal. And don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm saying that the models that these shows are usually normal. Because we all know that they're not. But at least they have hair! And at least they also appear to have shaved sometime during the past twelve months. Unless the he-she below who appears to have sprouted a full grown beard, sideburns and a moustache to compliment the abnormally long, cat-like whiskers. I don't know what the message is that Patrick is trying to send, but it I wish he'd send it with a little more hair on the top of the head and a little less hair on the sides of the head. And while he's at it, could he put their nipples back? That would help. Because the way that he has these models looking is a little unnerving is what it is.

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There are some things out there that are just so idiotic, I have a hard time blaming the folks who create them. I mean, if there is a niche market to sell things to the moronic, then shouldn't it be taken advantage of by some conniving capitalist? A fool and his money...? You know, stuff like that. And let me tell you, I've heard a lot of really stupid ideas. I've read about a lot of really stupid ideas. But I think I've come across one that might be an all time winner. I mean, after all, if you're going to make a jam that allegedly contains the human hair of a deceased former member of royalty and then use that ingredient as the main selling point, you deserve some sort of prize. Nothing monetary, of course. I don't want to encourage this sort of behavior. But maybe just a medal or a trophy that isn't too shiny.

What's that? Oh, right! The hair jam. Did I not mention? Let's see.....idiots...fools...money...hair...no. No, it looks like I did not mention it. My apologies. Here's the scoop: See, there's a guy who claims that he has made some jam (yes, the delicious condiment and accompaniment of things like toast and PB&J sandwiches) which contains the hair of Princess Diana. That's right. Her hair. IN the jam. Um, if I find hair in my jam, I want nothing more than to remove it. This guy is making the jam with the hair in it on purpose! What the what?

According to the folks over there at CBS News, a one Sam Bompas (aka, the con man masquerading as an artist) has created a jam called "occult jam". And according to The Huffington Post, said jam is made by "...infusing a tiny speck of the late princess of Wales' hair with gin, which is then combined with milk and sugar to create a product with a taste resembling condensed milk." Wait. What? Milk? Sugar? Condensed milk? And GIN?? Let's just put the issue of the hair aside for a moment here and talk about the jam itself. Since when is something resembling condensed milk considered to be a jam? I thought jam was made out of fruit. Lots and lots of fruit! There's no milk in my jam! Is this a British thing? Or an alcoholic thing? What's with the gin?

Whatever it is, we're going to have to revisit the hair issue eventually, so we might as well do it now. According to The Huffington Post, "The hair was bought on eBay for $10 from a U.S. dealer who collects what he says is celebrity hair and sells it in extremely tiny parts." Uh-huh. Sure it is. It's her hair. Uh-huh. Yeah. OK. (Why couldn't I have thought of that scam first? Why?!) A hair dealer. Man, I'll give that guy some credit. That's as brilliant as it is asinine.

But why put it in jam? That still isn't all that clear to me. Obviously, it's a gimmick. The jam sells for $7.60 a jar (no word on how big the jar is), but I have no idea how many of these jars of jam with fake Princess hair in them are available. Not that it would matter, I'm just saying. I guess maybe I'm wondering what the monetary opportunity is going to be for ol' Bompas. I'm hoping that there's only like one or two jars available. I'd hate to think that there are throngs of folks out there just clamoring for this sort of thing. That would make me sad. And suicidal.

As far as why he decided to make the fake Princess hair jam, "Bompas said he decided to make the bizarre product to provoke people into thinking about food marketing and how language enhances the everyday eating experience". The only way that this makes me think about food marketing is to the effect of "I really hope I don't find hair in any of my food today." And as for language enhancing some sort of experience? Perhaps. "Holy s***! There's hair in this jam?! Get outta here! Princess Diana's! What moron came up with that?" Huh. He was right. That did enhance this whole experience.

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The Case of the Criminal Half-fro

I don't know if this goes into the category of "Dumbest Criminals" or "Best Mugshot Ever". There might need to be a new category created. Perhaps something along the lines of "Best Mugshots of the Dumbest Criminals." Or should that be "Worst Mugshots of the Dumbest Criminals"? Whatever it's called, right now, it has one inductee. Marcus T. Bailey, come on down! Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? And what happened?! So, SO many questions. (Oh, crap! This isn't some new trend I haven't heard about yet, is it? Like the damned sagging pants thing? Please tell me that I'm not going to have to stare at that whenever I leave my walled off compound and venture out into public. Because if it is, that's just going to reinforce all of my reasons for having the walled off compound.) Fortunately, there are answers to all of them. Meet Marcus T. Bailey. a 25-year old Evanston, Indiana man who is quite dedicated to running his own business. Now, his business is selling crack cocaine, but he seems very dedicated to the craft.

It would seem that Mr. Bailey had gone to a barbershop on the south side of Evansville to have (wait for it) his hair braided. I guess that when you're Mister Big Time Crack Dealer, you can afford to have a south side barbershop worker braid your hair for you. I'll admit to not knowing a whole lot about this kind of hair braiding, but I know even less about barbershops on the south side of towns in Indiana. Since when did barbers get into the hair braiding business? Is this new?

New or not, he was there and it would seem that the process had just begun when a couple of his clients arrived and needed to hold an impromptu meeting in the boardroom. That being in a car out in front of the barbershop. Being as how I'm unfamiliar with Indiana, I had this need to know exactly how stupid of a move this was, holding your business meetings in front of a barbershop. Stupid, yes. But how stupid was my question. Thanks to those Google Boys and all of their maps, I have concluded that it was very stupid. Behold! Said barbershop.

Yeah, there's not a whole lot around there that leaves any room for obstructing the vision of anyone who may or may not be intentionally watching what's going on. (Hey, Indiana! How about some trees?) And when you're hanging out in a car with a couple of other folks, it's pretty easy for the cops to see what's going on. And they're going to be paying attention to what's going on when they are actively seeking you out because you had a warrant for your arrest for some sort of parole violation. You know, the parole that you were on from the last time that you went to prison for dealing drugs. It was similar to those other times that you went to prison for things like being convicted of "...cocaine possession, carrying a handgun without a license, criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement." Yeah, it was just like that. What a maroon.

Bailey's customers, a one Demorrio Lawrence and a one Tamarra Blue, had been told that he'd be at the barbershop and if they needed some crack, that's where to find him! Wow, he's a really good business man. Always keeping the clients well informed about the day-to-day operations. That boy's going to go far. Far, far away! (Why would you name your kid Tamarra Blue? Were you hoping that one day she'd fulfill that destiny of being either a stripper or a hooker? Because that's who would have a name like Tamarra Blue - strippers and hookers.).

Clearly, when Mr. Bailey stepped outside and into his "office" to conduct business, he had not yet finished his prior business, that being all the braiding of all of the hair. It's when he was outside an in his "office" with his clients that "Law enforcement arrived on scene at this time and placed Bailey into custody prior to the completion of the transaction." That according to the folks over there at the Evansville Courier & Press. I know it only looks like it's about a quarter of the way finished, but I'm still going to call that look the "half-fro". It's catchy. I think it'll stick.

But get this: After all of the arresting goes down, those two "...were cited for possession of narcotics paraphernalia and released" while our hero there gets arrested and charged with a class A felony count of dealing cocaine. I guess I was thinking that they would all get arrested, but that's not the case. Do you want to know why? It's because "...Blue and Lawrence had physical signs of being crack-cocaine addicts, suggesting they were buying the drug. Bailey did not have any such physical signs." That according to the affidavit. Wait. What?! They were cited but not arrested because they were crack addicts? How does THAT work? That makes little to NO sense to me. (Don't tell me it's because of 'jail overcrowding'. They're in Indiana!) I'm finding the not getting arrested because you're a drug addict part of this story a bit troubling. It doesn't seem like there'd be a huge incentive to NOT be a drug addict or, at the very least, to NOT get caught. Maybe they're just trying to deter people from moving up from user to dealer or something. I don't know, but I'm thinking a few hours in jail can't hurt!

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about Mr. Bailey's duo of customers, I found Ms. Blue's MySpace page and with neither permission nor malice, borrowed these photos to use as a visual aid. Also, you can see how close she looks to what you were picturing her to look like in your head. Ready? A crack customer! Behold!

How'd you do? Of course you did! I had faith. This one wasn't too hard to noodle through and come up with a mental image.

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The Latest Hair-Raising Photos of Phil Spector

You remember Phil Spector, right? No? You know, the music producer guy who was found guilty of murdering a one Lana Clarkson? Not yet? Come on, the guy who developed the 'Wall of Sound' technique? Still no? He's the dude who had his hair all funky when he went to court. Yes! Him! Good! Now you're with me. Please continue.

Phil Spector had some odd behavior throughout the trial. Mostly with the wigs. Now, I suppose I could have assumed that they were all wigs. But I think of a wig as something that one dons in order to improve their look. I can't really say that the wigs of Phil Specter's choosing were of the image-improving variety, so maybe I thought that they were his own hair. No, I couldn't have thought that. I'm not a complete moron. But I don't understand why someone would choose wigs that looks as his did. Need an example? Behold! His odd wig choice!

Come on, seriously! Who would choose that. Look at it! It's HUGE! I have plenty of questions for someone who makes their hair look like that on purpose, but I have many more questions for someone who pays to have that hair placed on their head! Again, on purpose! It's inexplicable. He could store stuff in that hair! Oh, wait. I think he just did. Behold!

As far as his other looks, they are noticeably bizarre-o as well. We have The Manilow:

The Marcia Clark:

The Marcia Clark 2: The Blonde Years

The Peter Noone:

The Worried Moe:
The Andy Dick:

Now, I'll give him that it's quite the variety, but none of it is anything that I'd be paying for, that's for sure. However, now that he's in jail (likely soon heading off to prison) he won't have to worry about his wigs anymore. That's because they don't allow wigs in jail/prison unless it's "due to a medical condition." What in the hell kind of "medical condition" would one need to have that would require the use of a wig? It couldn't be just baldness because you don't need a wig for that. Baldness isn't a "medical condition", is it? It can't be! Does that mean that all of those guys who shave their domes are inflicting a "medical condition" upon themselves? I don't think it does.

But the only thing better than hearing that some guy who deserves to go to jail is actually going to jail is hearing that he won't be getting to keep his wig(s) with him in his little 6'x9' cell or whatever he's in. And the only news that's better than that?? That's right! Learning that their are pictures of a de-wigged Phil Spector floating all around the Internet. Behold! Phil Spector un-wigged!

Nice! Well, at least that clears up why he was wearing the wig. What is it with guys who start going bald on the top and instantly start growing their hair longer? Do they think that's going to distract us? Like our eyes will be diverted to the long, flowing locks of hair cascading down their neck and we won't be blinded by the glare of the sun bouncing off of their shiny cue ball there? Hey! Guys who do that! It doesn't work. We still know you're bald!

In a way, I'm almost surprised that they wouldn't let him keep his wigs. After all, he's in the California penal system now. It's a system that pretty much bows down to every idiotic request that the prisoners can make. Just wait. Within a year I'll bet that ol' Phil develops some sort of "medical condition" that requires a wig to be placed atop his shiny noggin there. It's bound to happen. But if it doesn't we can look forward to periodic photographic updates of his bald, bald head and his sorry ass "I've been caught" face for years to come. Seems fair.

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Move Over, Aretha's Hat. Kate's Hair is Here!

Sometime within the last three weeks, another reality star debacle was born. This time in the form of Jon and Kate Gosselin from TLC's Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Jon & Kate are the parents of twin girls and a set of sextuplets. Naturally, that sounds so fascinating to no one that TLC decided to make it into a reality series and have cameras film their every move. And 'every move' for Kate would consist of her being a harpy shrew and talking to Jon like he's a mildly retarded four year old. And if you believe the tabloids, 'every move' for Jon would include having an affair with a 23-year old school teacher, an allegation which he half heartedly denies, but does so with firm wording.

I don't know if he's cheating on her. I don't know if she's cheating on him. But I do know that when parents don't get along, it's hard on the kids. VERY hard. You can have a child with a perfectly pleasant disposition with married parents and then one day, when the wife decides she doesn't want to be married anymore and does the divorce thing, the child's pleasant disposition will vanish and it will be replaced with an oft crying small child. And that's just in the private sector. I'd have to imagine that it's even harder on kids who are in the public eye (and not by choice) to go through it.

And that whole sentiment really has nothing to do with this post, but it had to be said. What also has to be said is "What is with Kate's hair?" It's like she couldn't make up her mind what she wanted so she just chose a little of each. It's as if there was a buffet at Supercuts. A little bit of long. A little bit of short. A little bit of bangs. A little bit of spikey. Kind of Flock of Seagulls meets Pete Wentz.

I thought it was possible that it was just me thinking that the hair was...well...kinda different, but not so much in a great way. So I thought I'd see how the hair looked on some other folks. You know....just to try it out and see.

Here's Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair with Kate's hair.

One massive, overpopulated family deserves another, so here's Octomom Nadya Suleman with Kate's hair.

Might as well go overseas too. Here's Susan Boyle with Kate's hair.

The yellow M&M being delicious with Kate's hair!

Brad Pitt being not as delicious with Kate's hair.

For those running in political circles, Aretha Franklin and her hat with Kate's hair!

Michelle Obama with Kate's hair meeting the Queen.

Michelle Obama with Kate's hair meeting the Queen with Kate's hair.

President Barry saving the country with Kate's hair.

Look for the same people that got their hair cut like Jennifer Aniston's during the first and second seasons of 'Friends' to be rushing out to get 'the Kate'. Soon.

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Hair Raising Photos of Phil Spector

I don't know much about Phil Spector. I know he's a music producer guy who worked with a bunch of talented musicians over the years. I know that he's prone to drink a lot and then get a little violent and a little gun-ish. And I know that he was on trial for the second time for the murder of some chick back in 2003. The first trial ended in a hung jury. This time he wasn't quite as fortunate, as the jury came back yesterday with a guilty verdict against him for second degree murder. They also found him guilty of illegally discharging a firearm. Duh.

Now, since I didn't know much about Phil Spector or the crime that he had been on trial for, I figured I'd do a little research on the man. I didn't get too far with that before I realized that there was something not quite right with this guy. It's a little hard to put your finger on at first, but you'll find that when you look at him that you can't stop thinking that there's something odd about this guy. If only it were something that could be nailed down or just a little more obvious. Or, perhaps if only it were something that you could put a hat on. Behold! The many faces and styles of a one Phil Spector!

That's nice. Is he always so photogenic?


Huh. Seems to be. Yep.

Am I the only one who thinks that he sort of resembles Marcia Clark (from the OJ trial days of yore)? He kinda does. Look and compare the two. Behold!

My God, it's like they were separated at birth. But maybe it's just the blonde hair. Here he is again.

And again, please compare. Behold!

Nope. It's not just the blonde. Those two are one and the same. And it's not like one of them wears it well or anything. It's not a good look for either of them.

He appears to be quite fond of and a master of the disheveled look.

Not to mention the gaseous and confused look.

This look is sort of like Al Capone meets Steven Tyler.

The profile view of a paranoid looking individual who has a least a touch of mental illness going on. How many times do you think the trial had to be stopped due to rambling? I'm guessing more than once.

And my personal favorite. It's like he was going for Tina Turner in drag, but lost interest after the hair.

Here he is after the verdict was read. Clearly he was not expecting to be found guilty.

And finally, what is likely to be the last photo we see of Phil Spector in a long, long time. His booking mugshot after the guilty verdict. Behold!

He's going to be wearing that surprised look for a while, I have the feeling.

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