Didn't See That Coming

You know that this is going to be about the Casey Anthony verdict. Like there's anything else to choose from really. Actually, there are a load of things I could ramble on about, but this one seems fun.

Now, I know that there are a lot of folks out there who are really butthurt over the not guilty verdict. I agree that it is a sham of a verdict. Did those people on the jury hear the same evidence that I heard? I keep reading things online (take that for what it's worth) like "It was all circumstantial" and "Nobody knows exactly how she died." Umm...circumstantial doesn't mean it isn't worth anything. I mean, there are going to be circumstances. That's just how it is. And do we need to know how she died? Dead is dead. And it's like the prosecutor said in his closing statement: "You don't cover up an accident to make it look like a murder." No. No, you don't! And that has nothing to do with anything being "circumstantial". It has to do with flat out logic.

Next up...Kim Kardashian! (There are some words I never thought I'd say.) For some reason, the media had latched onto Kim Kardashian's tweets about this case. Now, from what I can tell, Kim Kardashian doesn't have much going on upstairs other than how to successfully market herself. That she is a genius at. Everything else, including breathing? Uhhh...not so much. But she has been into this case. And after the verdict was announced she tweeted the following:

Now, just as a little bit of a refresher, Kim Kardashian's father was Robert Kardashian. Robert Kardashian was part of the team that got OJ Simpson acquitted. Granted, she was 14 at the time, but you'd think that she would be acutely aware that these things CAN happen. There can be people who are seemingly guilty as can be (and who may or may not have sliced the heads off of a couple of people), but through the adept skills of lawyering (and picking a jury with sawdust for brains), the client can be found not guilty. That's what made your father famous, Kim. It's likely the only reason why anyone at all knows who you are. Don't be so surprised. You should know almost better than anyone else how this works.


And on the plus side (if there is one) at least we won't have to hear Nancy Grace in that shrieking voice of hers refer to Casey Anthony as "Tot Mom". That is the worst nickname ever. It's just ridiculous AND it's too all encompassing. it could be referring to anyone with a (wait for it) tot. The other positive outcome of this whole ordeal was watching Nancy Grace try not to lose her s*** after the verdict came down. I seriously thought that her head was going to explode. That was a little consolation after the soft-headed paste-eaters rendered their verdict.

I don't understand what happened in that jury room. And it's likely that I never will. But hey, I guess I can just hope that decades from now, justice will be served when Casey Anthony is caught stealing her own sports memorabilia.

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At Least He's In Jail For Something

It was fifteen years ago yesterday that OJ Simpson was inexplicably (completely without splick) found not guilty in the deaths of two people that he so obviously seemed to have killed. Let's revisit that insane miscarriage of justice by watching the video of the verdict below. While I am glad that the man now languishes in a jail cell somewhere in Nevada, he couldn't have been put there soon enough if you're asking me.

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Hair Raising Photos of Phil Spector

I don't know much about Phil Spector. I know he's a music producer guy who worked with a bunch of talented musicians over the years. I know that he's prone to drink a lot and then get a little violent and a little gun-ish. And I know that he was on trial for the second time for the murder of some chick back in 2003. The first trial ended in a hung jury. This time he wasn't quite as fortunate, as the jury came back yesterday with a guilty verdict against him for second degree murder. They also found him guilty of illegally discharging a firearm. Duh.

Now, since I didn't know much about Phil Spector or the crime that he had been on trial for, I figured I'd do a little research on the man. I didn't get too far with that before I realized that there was something not quite right with this guy. It's a little hard to put your finger on at first, but you'll find that when you look at him that you can't stop thinking that there's something odd about this guy. If only it were something that could be nailed down or just a little more obvious. Or, perhaps if only it were something that you could put a hat on. Behold! The many faces and styles of a one Phil Spector!

That's nice. Is he always so photogenic?


Huh. Seems to be. Yep.

Am I the only one who thinks that he sort of resembles Marcia Clark (from the OJ trial days of yore)? He kinda does. Look and compare the two. Behold!

My God, it's like they were separated at birth. But maybe it's just the blonde hair. Here he is again.

And again, please compare. Behold!

Nope. It's not just the blonde. Those two are one and the same. And it's not like one of them wears it well or anything. It's not a good look for either of them.

He appears to be quite fond of and a master of the disheveled look.

Not to mention the gaseous and confused look.

This look is sort of like Al Capone meets Steven Tyler.

The profile view of a paranoid looking individual who has a least a touch of mental illness going on. How many times do you think the trial had to be stopped due to rambling? I'm guessing more than once.

And my personal favorite. It's like he was going for Tina Turner in drag, but lost interest after the hair.

Here he is after the verdict was read. Clearly he was not expecting to be found guilty.

And finally, what is likely to be the last photo we see of Phil Spector in a long, long time. His booking mugshot after the guilty verdict. Behold!

He's going to be wearing that surprised look for a while, I have the feeling.

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Karma is Karma and Guilty is Guilty

If you've never believed in karma before, if you've never believed in "what goes around comes around" before, if you've never believed in fate before, now might be the time to, if not start believing, at least start giving those things a second thought. All of those take on a certain amount of credibility upon hearing that OJ Simpson (wrongly acquitted double murderer) has been found guilty of all charges against him which arose out of an incident in Las Vegas last year. (Hey, I don't care if the incident occurred in the Lollipop forest when he was surrounded by unicorns, guilty is guilty.)

I had figured that, with twelve charges and all, he would most likely be found guilty of something. But when his attorney gave his closing argument and said something to the effect of "My client might be stupid, but he's not guilty of these charges" that made me a little nervous. Because as anyone can plainly see, he is stupid. And sometimes, as you may or may not be aware, jurors and juries can be stupid sometimes as well. But not on Friday! Nope, on Friday calmer and saner heads prevailed and the jury found him guilty and off to jail he went! Oh, do I sound almost gleeful? I'm sorry, I should be ecstatic upon realizing that the sentencing for the various charges could have him spending the rest of his life in jail. (Do I hear the sounds of justice echoing throughout the land? I think I do!)

The deal was the OJ and five other guys (all of whom, with the exception of OJ, of all people, were convicted felons. What's that saying about lying down with thieves? Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's applicable here.) went barging into a hotel room in Vegas where two sports memorabilia dealers were staying, under the presumption that the two guys in the hotel room had OJs belongings (apparently, his belongings are considered "memorabilia". And according to CNN, said "Simpson memorabilia" consisted of "Simpson trinkets, signed Pete Rose baseballs and Joe Montana lithographs". What the hell is a "Simpson trinket"? Key chains? Bobbleheads? What? And Pete Rose baseballs? Pete Rose, the guy who has been banned for life from Major League Baseball due to his questionable behavior? There's a shocker.) They decided that the best way to retrieve said memorabilia would be to get some guns, go into the room, take the stuff and leave. And the problem with that plan is that a) it was thought up by felons, b) the felons thought it was a good idea, and c) it wasn't a good idea (whether you were a felon or not).

The thing that OJ didn't count on, besides not being as invincible as he had grown to believe that he was, is that dirt sells. "Celebrity" dirt sells really well. A photo of Ruben Studdard eating a Klondike bar? A pic of Mary-Kate Olsen just eating? And OJ Simpson? Apparently dirt that follows him around garners a bit more cash than that which follows Mary-Kate or Ruben around. A lot more. That would probably explain why one of the guys who went with OJ on the Sports Trinket Repo Spree had brought along a tape recorder and taped the conversations that went on. That would probably also explain why that same guy ended up selling that tape to the media for $210,000. How convenient. (For that guy, that is. For OJ, eh, not so much.) And how stupid. How incredibly stupid.

Because people who are NOT that stupid? If they believe that someone has stolen their things, do you know what THEY do? That's right, they go to the police and they let them take care of it. (That's what they do. It's right there in their name - the police.) But not OJ, because he's smarter than that. But he's not smarter than the ex-felon who walked away from this thing $210,000 richer and without any charges against him. Go figure. Well, actually, I CAN figure. I can also figure why four of the other five felons didn't have any charges pressed either. It's because they agreed to testify against OJ. (How convenient for them.)

And that leads us to where we are right now. Incidentally, the day that he was found guilty was the very same day, October 2, 13 years ago that he was acquitted of the near beheadings of two people. Now that's some pretty good karma-ing right there. He was found guilty of three counts of various conspiracy, three counts of various burglary, two counts of various assault, two counts of various kidnapping and two counts of using force to do a dumbass thing and one count of keeping the partridge in the pear tree (just for the hell of it). There's video below of the verdicts being read and OJ being handed his ass on a plate (only literally, unfortunately).

So was 13 years too long for karma to work and for justice to set it? Considering that it could have happened right around, oh say, never? Nah, 13 years is long, but it's not too long for something like this. But now that he's going to be in jail for quite some time, what about his vow he made? You know, that vow to find and catch the real killer? He's pretty much combed his way through every golf course in Florida, to no avail. And since I never considered the golf course to be a viable option when considering hideouts for yet-to-be-identified double murderers, maybe that vow won't be broken after all. I suppose he could continue looking for the real killer(s) in jail. It's not like he doesn't have the time to put forth on the effort now.

I guess you can be found guilty of being stupid. And it's a good thing. Finally, the words "OJ Simpson" and "good thing" in almost the same sentence. Finally.

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That's One Guilty...Platypus?

The verdict is in....Hans Reiser, aka The Platypus, has been found guilty of murder in the first degree of his wife, Nina. (Just to clarify, he's not a superhero. The Platypus is not his secret identity that he uses when fighting crime. Or predators trying to steal eggs from this mammal who lays them. The Platypus is in reference to his defense attorney's closing arguments in which he likened Hans to a platypus. Both weird, both odd, both allegedly didn't kill their wife. The real platypus, however, will not be spending at least the next 25 years in jail.)

Hans wasn't looking so great when he was in the courtroom. Yeah, he looked like he was about to vomit. (Hey, I would too if I knew that my future rested in the hands of 12 men and women who just heard my lawyer, over three days, tell them that I was a platypus. I'd probably be expelling fluids in more ways than just the vomit-in-ous kind.) His tie and his collar were on all funny looking. Hmmm...I guess a platypus wouldn't know or care what his tie nor his collar looked like. Here's a pic of a somewhat nauseous looking and slightly disheveled Hans

Yeah, I've seen that fashion style sported before. "Fashion style" meaning the not very well put together tie-shirt-jacket combo with the really big knotted, rather loose fitting tie. You can accomplish that look by taking a pre-knotted tie and just yank it on over someone's head to get it on them as quick as possible. Usually used with small boys going to church or other places where you don't get the tie on until the last minute. Also often used in court settings where the defendant is whisked into the courtroom from jail with not a lot of time to primp before his fate is read aloud. He doesn't look well.

Reiser's attorney, William DuBois (the father of the platypus-ian defense, a tactic that is sure to be questioned studied for years (or at least hours) to come.) responded to questions about his reaction to the jury's verdict by saying, "We're disappointed, but we're not completely surprised." (No, you really couldn't be, could you? Not after Hans' antic filled 11 days on the witness stand that resulted in his own attorney calling him an "asshole" at least five times one day. Granted, it was to "clarify" a point Hans had made, but you could tell there was a bit of joy every time DuBois repeated something to the effect of, "So you're saying you're an asshole?" )

Even still, DuBois didn't think that having his platypus client take the stand was the problem. Well, not the entire problem. "It's not one thing, it's a series of things." (Now that's about the most accurate statement that you'll hear all day. Possibly all week. And it's only Monday.) "They misread him and didn't give a lot of stock to his disorder. ("Disorder" referring to his social ineptitude.) I'm sure he negatively impressed the jurors." (Well, he negatively impressed everyone else, including the judge who , at one point, told him, "Mr. Reiser, I have about had it with you. You are rude. You are arrogant. There's not enough words in the English language to describe the way you are. You have made a mockery of everything about this proceeding. If you continue to disrupt the courtroom, I will have you removed from this courtroom." Yeah, so I don't see why the jurors would be excluded from being negatively impressed.)

Both DuBois and Paul Hora, the prosecutor, spoke with the jurors after the verdict. (The jurors weren't interviewed, but I don't think that they could have been. At least, not until the sentencing part is done. I have the feeling that they'll be giving their very honest opinions about Hans when they do.) Hora told a group of reporters after the verdict, "We have a body; we just don't know where it is." Wait. What? I think he's been listening to Hans for too long. (During his closing arguments, Hora had told the jury during that, "He's got motive coming out of his ears." I found that to be an interesting way of putting it. He's just oozing motive. Yep, right out of the auditory orifices. Motive out the ears.)

Hans was ordered to be removed from the courtroom immediately after the verdict was read. As Hans didn't act up or do anything else to get himself removed (very unlike him. Must have still been a little stunned), I'd have to say it was an anticipatory move. As a bailiff grabbed his arm, Reiser said, "I've been the best father that I know how." (Um, Hans, if you killed your wife and that's the best you know how, you might want to get a parenting book or something. I really think that "murder" as "parenting" could be improved upon.) His next statement was, "Can I speak to my attorney?" At that moment, he couldn't. You're not going to be getting your way for a while, Hans. Better get used to it.

The next question in light of the verdict, aside from how long ol' Hans gets to spend in the slammer (The minimum is 25 years. What happens to a platypus after 25 years in jail? I don't know either, but it can't be pretty.), is what happens to Reiser4. Yes, Reiser4. It's a software file system that Hans named after himself (naturally). ReiserFS (File System) is built into the Linux kernel and is used in many of the top Linux distributions. (I don't know what that means. Whizzy-whirls built-in Linus zorbt thwogs, that's what I heard.) Reiser4 is the successor the ReiserFS, but without Hans, it's either not happening or it's going to have to be taken over by others (who say that it's just not the same without ol' Hans and I can believe that. That's probably the 2nd most true statement you'll hear all day. And it's still Monday!).

And when you read quotes from some of the programmers that knew Hans and had to work with him, you get a feeling that the guy that you saw/read about in the courtroom was a pretty accurate depiction of the guy himself. Ted Ts'o is a top Linux kernel developer and works on the file systems that compete with Reiser's. His impression of Hans is that "he is a talented programmer whose work was overshadowed by his temperment." Go on.... “Hans was not the easiest person to work with and and it’s ironic that by having some of these folks (those working on the Reiser4, sans Hans) interacting with the Linux community it allows Reiser4 to make more of a focus toward mainline inclusion simply because Hans was his own worst enemy and had questionable social skills. Hans was technically brilliant, but socially not at quite the same level.” (Correct, 3rd and 4th most true statements you'll read all day. Correct again - still Monday.)

Stay tuned for what may be the final installment of this odd, odd story where a human and an egg laying mammal become intertwined as one in a saga of murder, deception and justice. Or maybe just keep an eye out for "The Platypus Goes To Prison".

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