Saturday, October 4, 2008

Karma is Karma and Guilty is Guilty

If you've never believed in karma before, if you've never believed in "what goes around comes around" before, if you've never believed in fate before, now might be the time to, if not start believing, at least start giving those things a second thought. All of those take on a certain amount of credibility upon hearing that OJ Simpson (wrongly acquitted double murderer) has been found guilty of all charges against him which arose out of an incident in Las Vegas last year. (Hey, I don't care if the incident occurred in the Lollipop forest when he was surrounded by unicorns, guilty is guilty.)

I had figured that, with twelve charges and all, he would most likely be found guilty of something. But when his attorney gave his closing argument and said something to the effect of "My client might be stupid, but he's not guilty of these charges" that made me a little nervous. Because as anyone can plainly see, he is stupid. And sometimes, as you may or may not be aware, jurors and juries can be stupid sometimes as well. But not on Friday! Nope, on Friday calmer and saner heads prevailed and the jury found him guilty and off to jail he went! Oh, do I sound almost gleeful? I'm sorry, I should be ecstatic upon realizing that the sentencing for the various charges could have him spending the rest of his life in jail. (Do I hear the sounds of justice echoing throughout the land? I think I do!)

The deal was the OJ and five other guys (all of whom, with the exception of OJ, of all people, were convicted felons. What's that saying about lying down with thieves? Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's applicable here.) went barging into a hotel room in Vegas where two sports memorabilia dealers were staying, under the presumption that the two guys in the hotel room had OJs belongings (apparently, his belongings are considered "memorabilia". And according to CNN, said "Simpson memorabilia" consisted of "Simpson trinkets, signed Pete Rose baseballs and Joe Montana lithographs". What the hell is a "Simpson trinket"? Key chains? Bobbleheads? What? And Pete Rose baseballs? Pete Rose, the guy who has been banned for life from Major League Baseball due to his questionable behavior? There's a shocker.) They decided that the best way to retrieve said memorabilia would be to get some guns, go into the room, take the stuff and leave. And the problem with that plan is that a) it was thought up by felons, b) the felons thought it was a good idea, and c) it wasn't a good idea (whether you were a felon or not).

The thing that OJ didn't count on, besides not being as invincible as he had grown to believe that he was, is that dirt sells. "Celebrity" dirt sells really well. A photo of Ruben Studdard eating a Klondike bar? A pic of Mary-Kate Olsen just eating? And OJ Simpson? Apparently dirt that follows him around garners a bit more cash than that which follows Mary-Kate or Ruben around. A lot more. That would probably explain why one of the guys who went with OJ on the Sports Trinket Repo Spree had brought along a tape recorder and taped the conversations that went on. That would probably also explain why that same guy ended up selling that tape to the media for $210,000. How convenient. (For that guy, that is. For OJ, eh, not so much.) And how stupid. How incredibly stupid.

Because people who are NOT that stupid? If they believe that someone has stolen their things, do you know what THEY do? That's right, they go to the police and they let them take care of it. (That's what they do. It's right there in their name - the police.) But not OJ, because he's smarter than that. But he's not smarter than the ex-felon who walked away from this thing $210,000 richer and without any charges against him. Go figure. Well, actually, I CAN figure. I can also figure why four of the other five felons didn't have any charges pressed either. It's because they agreed to testify against OJ. (How convenient for them.)

And that leads us to where we are right now. Incidentally, the day that he was found guilty was the very same day, October 2, 13 years ago that he was acquitted of the near beheadings of two people. Now that's some pretty good karma-ing right there. He was found guilty of three counts of various conspiracy, three counts of various burglary, two counts of various assault, two counts of various kidnapping and two counts of using force to do a dumbass thing and one count of keeping the partridge in the pear tree (just for the hell of it). There's video below of the verdicts being read and OJ being handed his ass on a plate (only literally, unfortunately).

So was 13 years too long for karma to work and for justice to set it? Considering that it could have happened right around, oh say, never? Nah, 13 years is long, but it's not too long for something like this. But now that he's going to be in jail for quite some time, what about his vow he made? You know, that vow to find and catch the real killer? He's pretty much combed his way through every golf course in Florida, to no avail. And since I never considered the golf course to be a viable option when considering hideouts for yet-to-be-identified double murderers, maybe that vow won't be broken after all. I suppose he could continue looking for the real killer(s) in jail. It's not like he doesn't have the time to put forth on the effort now.

I guess you can be found guilty of being stupid. And it's a good thing. Finally, the words "OJ Simpson" and "good thing" in almost the same sentence. Finally.

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