There's Not That Much Talent

America's Got Talent was on tonight.  I've seen a better selection of characters, but at least there was some variety.  Now, variety is something that you're not going to find on Buraydah's Got Talent.  Yeah, they're a little bit more rigid with their rules over there in Saudi Arabia, as I'm sure you can imagine.  It starts with no women or children being allowed to participate and it just goes from there.  I don't know how they're going to find the next Susan Boyle without allowing women in, but then again, that might not be exactly what they're looking for.

 As long as you're not a woman or a child and you don't sing or dance, you can participate in this odd, odd talent contest according to the Daily Mail.  I know that doesn't seem like it would leave a lot of options, but I'm sure they improvise.  Camel riding, maybe?  Or wait!  Camel racing.  There we go!  Or maybe the guy just stands up there and says, "Here's my talent:  I shall kill a Sunni."  (Wait.  Are they Sunni or Shiite in Saudi Arabia?  I always get them mixed up.  I think they're Sunni.  Actually, that makes the joke a little bit funnier.  I'll leave it.) Maybe they drill for oil?  I don't know exactly.  I am merely speculating because it's amusing to do so. 

So what is allowed?  Well, there is religious chanting, of course!  You can't have a talent show without a religious chanting category!  Sticking with that theme, you may also showcase your talents in the religious poetry category.  Now, I'm kind of thinking that religious chanting is just religious poetry with a beat.  I'm really not seeing a lot of difference between the two.  And the final category is sporting feats.  I don't know if that means things like juggling or if it means playing soccer.  Soccer seems like it would be odd.  I realize that it's a popular sport over there, but it's hardly a "talent". 

What sort of acts could they have?  Is chopping off people's hands for shoplifting considered a talent?  What if the guy can lop it off right exactly on the wrist, first try, while blindfolded?  Now that would be a talent!  It'd be gross, but talented.  I'm really at a loss as to how these meager categories would be sufficient enough to find "talent".  What's the slogan going to be?  "Come for the religious chanting.  Stay for the religious poetry."  It's catchy, but I don't think it's enough.  This is amazing.  And by 'amazing', I mean incredibly boring. 

I wonder if they follow the same format as America's Got Talent.  Do they have people try out and then the judges mock them mercilessly when they fail to impress?  ("You call that a Quran reading?!  Get outta here!"  Then the contestant goes offstage into the arms of Mom, who's wearing her full beekeeper uniform, and is told "You really are talented!  You don't listen to those judges! They don't know a good religious chanting when they hear one!  You can really read the Quran.  You'll be famous one day for...reading the Quran.  You'll show 'em!")  What if the religious poet has a lisp?  Are they going to pick on him and point that out before denying him his trip to...to...I guess I don't know where they go.  In America, the contestants that make it past the first round go to Vegas.  There's not a lot of religious chanting and religious poetry readings going on in Vegas, so I'm guessing it won't be there.  Mecca maybe? 

I know different cultures are into different things, but this seems like it would be incredibly boring on any standard.  No women.  No children.  That should tell you something right there.  Nothing but religious themed vocals and undefined acts of sports.  Are they that starved for good entertainment over in Saudi Arabia?  Never mind the good part.  Just entertainment in general!  Well, good luck to them.  I hope that they find their next Saudi Arabian sensation...whatever that would mean.

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What's Going On Here?

I'm not as worried about the zombie apocalypse as some people are.  I have entirely different concerns.  I'm worried that certain well-known people are beginning to morph into other well-known people.  It's kind of freaking me out.  For example, Paul McCartney...

...is turning into Angela Lansbury.

Weird, huh?  I'm telling you, it's weirding me out.  And now, we have Madonna....

...slowly turning into Hillary Clinton. 

It's weird, I'm telling you. Really weird.

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Let's Look At This Another Way

I found this little gem via FB.  Apparently, Chris Rock was on Jimmy Fallon on May 7.  I feel the need to mention that I absolutely LOVE Chris Rock.  He is hilarious.  I also feel the need to mention that I LOVE Jimmy Fallon.  He's a brilliant comedic mind.  And is show is great.  That being said, let's begin. 

Here's what Chris Rock said to Jimmy Fallon when Fallon asked him what was up.  He said, “What’s going on? I just heard this the other day: The Mormons, Mitt Romney’s crew, they believed black people were the devil ‘til 1978! I’m not making this up! … Seventy-eight! That means Jackson Five? Devil. Temptations? The devil. What changed ‘em, Bootsy Collins?"  And while that's fairly funny, I have a couple of problems with it.  Shocking, I know! 

First of all, it's not like Mitt Romney is the ONLY Mormon in politics. Harry Reid has been the Democratic Senator from Nevada since 1987 and has been Senate Majority Leader since 2007 and he's Mormon. He's one of the most powerful people in politics. I don't hear these same complaints against him, nor do I hear them against the other 15 Mormons that serve in the 112th Congress.  I really can't figure out why it's even an issue at all for Mitt.  Then again, I guess opposing sides have to come up with something.  But don't they know that there are plenty of things that they can use against him.  Going with Mormonism seems a bit trite. 

Second, if you think about how civil rights have progressed in this country, the Mormons actually moved rather quickly in changing their beliefs. Look at it this way: The Civil War, the war to "free the slaves" ended in 1865. It wasn't until nineteen sixty freakin' four that the Civil Rights Act passed! It took almost ONE HUNDRED YEARS after a WAR decided slavery was NOT OK before an entire country comprised of a plethora of different religious beliefs decided to extend equal rights to people who are black/not white. It only took Mormons 14 years after that to change how they did things. It took the entire country a hundred years to get its act together!  If you look at it like that, the Mormons are really kind of ahead of the game. 

I mean, really, are people going to act like the Mormons are the ONLY group in history that have things in their past that they wish had been done differently?  And are people really going to act like the Mormons are the only religious group that has been less than kind to a certain sect of people?  I know that he was trying to be funny.  He's a comedian.  That's what they do.  And it was kind of funny on the surface.  But when you start to dissect it a little bit, it doesn't make a lot of sense.  That's all I'm trying to say.

Now, I'm not black and I'm not going to pretend to know how they feel about this. But didn't they kind of get off easy by just being excluded from a religion?  I'd take that over being enslaved any day, wouldn't you?  Seriously, I'd be all "I'm not going to be able to join your church, but you're not going to make me till your fields, either?  DEAL!  Where do I sign?"   

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I'll Have The Bubble Gum, Please

So, I went to get ice cream last night.  As I'm sure that you can imagine, given my selection below, I just went with the bubble gum flavor.  And I can't imagine that the other one is all that popular!

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He's Got A Point

Couldn't have said it better myself.

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That's Why She Quit?

You remember Octomom, don't you?  How could you forget? She's the human breeding sow with her brood of fourteen children and no job.  Well, no steady job.  Last month, she took a job doing masturbatory porn in order to make a few bucks.  I'm sure her children are SO proud.  Or at least, they will be when they're older and everyone they know from school (I doubt they'll have friends) makes sure to bring it up constantly.  The point here is that she seemed so pleased with her own act that she was going to start stripping and had already booked a gig at T's Lounge in Palm Beach (Florida, of course).  But wait!  She had to cancel.  Ohhhh.  I don't know if that's supposed to evoke a feeling of disappointment (as I enjoy watching this train wreck) or relief (as it would have been Octomom without her top).  But when I read the reason why she canceled, I just laughed. 

 According to the fine folks over there at TMZ, Octomom has canceled stripping because "...she thinks club staffers are talking smack about her."  Wait.  Had she been previously unaware that not only were the club staffers talking smack about her, but every person in America has been as well?!  I can't think of the last time that I saw or read anything even remotely positive about this abhorrent woman.  How could she be even remotely offended that people don't like her or anything that she does?  And how poor is she really if she can just pick and choose these sorts of jobs to take?  Last I heard, she had no money.  That's not surprising since she doesn't have a job and no way of supporting herself.  But is she really going to turn down jobs because people don't have nice things to say about her?!  If she's going to turn down a job like stripping, can't she come up with a better reason than people not liking her (because she's an abhorrent human being)?  Apparently not.

The only good that would have come from her taking her top off is at least we would know if she has only two nipples like a person or rows of four on each side like a pig. Other than that, it just seems like a bad idea all the way around.  Granted, it's not quite as bad of an idea as having a zillion embryos implanted in your uterus when you already had six kids, no job and no spouse, but still not a good idea.  Not even close. 

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World's Worst People Ever

I have discovered two of the most horrible people on the planet. Not only did these two losers steal money from a 9-year old girl selling Girl Scout cookies outside of a supermarket, but their don't-give-an-eff attitude about the whole thing is particularly disturbing. I have never encountered anyone as morally bankrupt as these two. I really don't know what to say about them other than I wish that they would just hurry up and get it over with and commit the crime that is going to put them behind bars for the rest of their lives. I cannot possibly see either one of these two completely amoral individuals not spending a good portion of their life behind bars due to some crime that they've committed because they have absolutely NO moral compass to guide them in any sort of a direction other than straight to hell. And I realize that it happened a few years ago, but the video has been making a resurgence lately for some reason. Anyway, behold!

Did I tell you? I told you! It literally makes me a little sick to my stomach to watch that video. Their explanations are at such a primal level that I'm surprised that they're actually human. And their ability to comprehend the problems with their actions is simply amazing to me. Like the one girl who was "pissed" because even though they were caught and charged, they still had to give the money back! She just didn't seem to understand, if they were being charged, why they had to give the money back. It almost came across as it would have been totally worth it to them if they had gotten to keep the money...that they stole! But it was just so telling when the one was asked if she had learned anything from this and her immediate response was "Not to get caught." That's what she learned. "Oh, and maybe not to steal." You think?! Good Lord. Their candidness is what is really alarming. Their willingness to freely talk with the reporter about what they did is disturbing. This isn't going to end well. I guarantee it.

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Pakistani Beer?

Oh, my God.  A travesty has been committed.  Scout Willis, the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, has been arrested!  Arrested!  And are you ready for the heinous offense that she committed?  I hope you're sitting down.  The 20-year old was arrested for (brace yourselves!) drinking an 8-ounce Pakistani beer.  Holy cow, are we a soft country or what? 

First of all, what in the hell is an 8-ounce Pakistani beer?  Why isn't it twelve ounces?  Is it some sort of Pakistani law?  I realize that's a minor point here, but I found it odd that all the articles that I read about this travesty, they all mentioned the Pakistani beer.  Maybe that's because the type of beer that she was drinking is more interesting than this entire story. 

Did the cops not have anything better to do that day than to actually arrest her for underage drinking?  Her birthday is July 20, 1991 for cryin' out loud!  So, she's a month and a half away from turning 21 and they arrest her for that?!  I can't be the only one who thinks that having the legal drinking age be 21 is a bit antiquated?  I hate to sound cliche or anything like that, but if you're allowed to join the armed forces when you're 18, you should be able to drink.  If anyone wants to raise the age of something, what say we up the voting age?  18 and voting on stuff?  That's a horrible idea!  All you care about when you're eighteen is rockin' the vote.  No!  Don't rock the vote!  You don't know what you're doing!  Nor do you care!  But I digress. 

I cannot possibly understand why Scout or anyone else a month and a half away from their 21st birthday would be arrested for consuming 8 ounces of beer from a foreign land.  It's not like she was driving (which would be a completely different issue in and of itself) or endangering anyone.  She was having A beer.  Why couldn't they have just cited her and sent her on her way?  Did they feel that they needed to make an example out of her because she has famous parents?  No one cares.  Bruce Willis and Demi Moore aren't exactly headliners these days.  They're not totally B-List or anything, but I don't think that they're still riding the A Train or anything.  This is just silly.  We're losing focus people!  Keep your eye on the ball! 

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There Is No Such Thing As Zombies

I know that I say we're doomed a lot, but it's not like I don't give plenty of examples to back up my statement of impending doomage.  I show you time and time again how this country is not long for this world and not without good reason.  Too many morons running the show seems to be the problem.  And now we must add to said list of morons a group that isn't typically thought of as being particularly moron heavy.  That group would be the CDC, the Center for Disease Control.  There are brilliant minds over there who work tirelessly to help thwart deadly diseases and to prevent others from taking over (which really wouldn't be all that bad of an idea for some folks out there.  But I digress.).  And that's why my disappointment level is at an all time high when I read that they have issued a statement in light of the recent "cannibalistic" attacks that have taken place.  So, have no fear, there are no zombies near.  Wait.  What? 

That's right.  The CDC has felt the need to announce that zombies (yes, zombies) are (wait for it) not real.  I know!  Can you believe it?!  Not real!  Who'd a thunk it?!  According to Business Week, a one CDC spokesman David Daigle "...sent an email to the Huffington Post, answering questions about the possibility of the undead walking among us".  Now, while I don't know that I would necessarily call the Huffington Post the bastion of reporting, I do have a great deal of respect for the CDC.  And one of my reasons for having the opinion that I do of the Huffington Post is that they are the sort of organization that would ask the CDC questions about zombies.  That the CDC felt the need to stoop down and answer those questions is why I'm annoyed at the CDC.  Aren't they above that?  Apparently not. 

In part, he wrote, "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead,"...adding: "(or one that would present zombie-like symptoms.)"  Good Lord.  Wouldn't a simple "They're not real, dips**ts!" suffice?  This is the group of people who are supposed to help prevent and protect against the outbreak of disease and they're commenting on zombies.  You tax dollars hard at work, folks!  There's even a specific page on the CDC's website entitled "Zombie Preparedness".  The theory behind it seems to be that if you're prepared for a fictional zombie attack, then you will have also prepared yourself for other real disasters and problems that can come your way.  So since people are too stupid to prepare for real things, I guess the CDC figures that it's just easier to go ahead and let them since it might help them with something else.  I think that they're giving those sorts of folks too much credit.  Anyone who is actually preparing for the zombie apocalypse wouldn't even realize if/when a real disaster were to strike.  With their head so far up their proverbial ass, it's a wonder they can prepare for anything at all. 

Now, I get the part about people needing to have something to blame for events that they find completely horrifying.  It's like when someone dies of a heart attack or something and you find an unlikely way to justify their death that would make it at least slightly improbably that you would meet the same fate.  (For example, poor Jim gets hit by a bus walking across a busy street.  It's the same street that you walk across all the time.  It's also the same street where you see plenty of buses.  Thus, you say to yourself, "Oh, well, Jim was such a fat-ass that it's no surprise that he died."  Jim's fat-assed-ness had nothing to do with it, but you attribute that to him so that you don't have to think about your own ass (fat or not) getting hit by a bus in a similar fashion.) But what is wrong with the most logical explanation in these sorts of instances?  What's wrong with attributing these horrific attacks (and subsequent ingestion of human flesh and/or parts) to a simple case of crazy?  There's no need to make stuff up.  Those folks were just good old fashioned crazy!  You don't to drag fictional monsters into the equation.  Just go with crazy! 

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Survey Says

Richard Dawson died yesterday.  If you were living under a rock in the 1970s (also, not having been born yet is an acceptable answer), Richard Dawson was the original host of the awesome game show Family Feud.  Staying home sick from school in the 70s was always awesome for me because there were a slew of game shows on.  I remember the giddy anticipation of being able to lie on the couch for hours on end and watch these fabulous game shows.  Daytime Wheel of Fortune.  Concentration.  Card Sharks.  The Price Is Right.  And of course, Family Feud.  Richard Dawson always came across as one smooth dude.  He kissed every woman on there (upwards of over 20,000 by most estimates) and was always a gentleman even when things weren't going all that smoothly.  Below is one of my favorite Richard Dawson/Family Feud moments.  It cracks me up every time.  Survey says...we're gonna miss you, Richard. 

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