That's Why She Quit?

You remember Octomom, don't you?  How could you forget? She's the human breeding sow with her brood of fourteen children and no job.  Well, no steady job.  Last month, she took a job doing masturbatory porn in order to make a few bucks.  I'm sure her children are SO proud.  Or at least, they will be when they're older and everyone they know from school (I doubt they'll have friends) makes sure to bring it up constantly.  The point here is that she seemed so pleased with her own act that she was going to start stripping and had already booked a gig at T's Lounge in Palm Beach (Florida, of course).  But wait!  She had to cancel.  Ohhhh.  I don't know if that's supposed to evoke a feeling of disappointment (as I enjoy watching this train wreck) or relief (as it would have been Octomom without her top).  But when I read the reason why she canceled, I just laughed. 

 According to the fine folks over there at TMZ, Octomom has canceled stripping because "...she thinks club staffers are talking smack about her."  Wait.  Had she been previously unaware that not only were the club staffers talking smack about her, but every person in America has been as well?!  I can't think of the last time that I saw or read anything even remotely positive about this abhorrent woman.  How could she be even remotely offended that people don't like her or anything that she does?  And how poor is she really if she can just pick and choose these sorts of jobs to take?  Last I heard, she had no money.  That's not surprising since she doesn't have a job and no way of supporting herself.  But is she really going to turn down jobs because people don't have nice things to say about her?!  If she's going to turn down a job like stripping, can't she come up with a better reason than people not liking her (because she's an abhorrent human being)?  Apparently not.

The only good that would have come from her taking her top off is at least we would know if she has only two nipples like a person or rows of four on each side like a pig. Other than that, it just seems like a bad idea all the way around.  Granted, it's not quite as bad of an idea as having a zillion embryos implanted in your uterus when you already had six kids, no job and no spouse, but still not a good idea.  Not even close. 

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Don't Throw Rocks And Keep Your Clothes On, Too

I've professed many times before that there is someone for everyone out there. The unfortunate part of that reality is that if you're an idiot, that means there's someone out there who is just as dense as you are. The tricky part is going to be for the two of you to somehow overcome your stupidity in order to bump into each other and live numbly and dumbly ever after.


Unfortunately, these two morons here, Joshua Sizemore and Amanda Madison, did manage to find each other. They also managed to find one of the stupidest ways to get each other to take their clothes off. That would be by playing a "stripping" game called (according to Joshua Sizemore, age old enough to know better, 23) "Sex Me" that involved looking for cars with a headlight out. The first person to see a car with only one headlight would blurt out "Sex me" and the other person would have to take off an article of clothing. There does not appear to be anything in the rules which say that this type of game needs to be played from an overpass and nor does it say anything about throwing rocks off of the overpass as simply an "on the side" aspect of the game.

Aside from it sounding like a stupid game in the first place (have they never heard of strip poker? It's overpass free!), what in the hell does seeing a car without a headlight have to do with yelling "Sex me!"? I am failing to see the connection between one headlight and sex. Is only one headlight sexy? Is having one headlight the international symbol for 'take off your clothes'? One has nothing to do with the other. I mean, take Slug Bug for instance. First person who sees a VW bug yells "Slug Bug!" and then they slug the other person (preferably as hard as they can, with little to no regard for the rule that says you're not supposed to hit that hard) in the arm. (Or the face. It usually depended on how closely Mom or Dad was watching us on our torturously long drives on whatever family kidnappingvacation we were shuttled off on.) Now THAT makes sense. One headlight? An overpass? Yelling "Sex me!"? Taking off an article of clothing? (Which, I'll point out again, doesn't have anything to do with the instruction "sex me". If you wanted to be "sexed" that badly, you'd just take off all of your clothes for no reason whatsoever and yell it. Sure, it sounds extremely slutty, but at least THAT would make sense!) Yeah, none of that makes sense.

Fortunately, they were arrested, but unfortunately it was not before this pair of geniuii (plural of genius, that is correct) managed to hit FOURTEEN cars with their rocks. Now, Amanda claims that they weren't trying to hit cars, so I guess that would mean that we're just supposed to believe that they got really unlucky that they DID hit that many cars while also getting really lucky that they didn't kill anyone. Y'all might want to claim you weren't trying to hit any cars, but considering fourteen of them got hit, you certainly weren't trying to NOT hit any of them either.

And by the way, when they were arrested, little snowflake Amanda there was in her underwear. Aside from her partner obviously being one with a keen eye, my God, Washington. How many of y'all are driving around with only one headlight in order for this chick to end up mostly unclad?

Somehow some of the local news channels, one being King5 News managed to get these two to do an on camera interview with them. Some of the questions posed to Amanda were things like: Could you tell that you had hit cars? (Why yes! Yes they could! And for someone who claims that they weren't trying to do that, I guess you two just thought of that as an added bonus to the late night, freeway overpass stripping game you were so engrossed in at the time?)

As far as how she felt about everything that had happened, she said, ""It was just a dumb little prank I did. It's not funny at all. Fourteen people got injured because of me. And it shouldn't have been that way." What way should it have been, cupcake? Are you unaware that you had complete control over how this turned out? You should be! But I see you sitting there all red eyed and teary, and you don't strike me as being nearly the box of rocks that your boyfriend is and I have the feeling you are and you were very well aware of what you were doing. Those tears don't seem to be remorseful for what you've done as much as they seem to be regretful that you got caught.

But back to the fourteen cars with the fourteen rocks that were the size of fourteen baseballs. Where does one get that many rocks (or pieces of concrete, cement, whatever it was that might make it a member of the rock family) up on an overpass? It's not like it was some mountainside tunnel or anything. It was just an overpass. Is it crumbling so badly that you can just rip off chunks of it and launch them off the side into oncoming traffic? One would hope not, but the rocks came from somewhere.

In an interview with another local news station, this time KOMO News, Joshua does not strike me as the brightest bulb on the tree. And while he doesn't strike me as a complete moron, he definitely does strike me as someone who has lost a few hundred thousand brain cells over the course of his existence and who is definitely closer to "complete moron" than not.

"I didn't think it would kill, COULD kill somebody. I wasn't aiming for...death."

Reporter: "You didn't realize you could have killed somebody?"

Joshua: "I could?"

Reporter: "Yeah. You didn't realize that?"

Joshua: "I didn't realize it was deadly."

When asked what he would say to the people who had their cars damaged by the rocks dropped from the overpass by these two incredibly asinine individuals, Joshua indicated that he wished he could go back in time and just stay at his home and drink his beer as opposed to drink his beer and then go out to the bridge and participate in all of the shenanigans that followed. (Oh, what was that? Alcohol was involved? Shocking!) He also said that he wished that he could tell the people that he "was sorry and have them believe me." That sounds to me like Joshua has had to apologize to others for things that he's done BEFORE this little incident. He also said that he wanted them to know that he "...just wanted to go and have some fun with Amanda. I didn't mean for rocks to get involved." :::: sigh ::::

I'll give them that, even though I'm questioning their overall reason for appearing remorseful, both do seem to be apologetic. And they don't seem to be making excuses for their behavior either, which is quite stunning, really. So do I still think they need to go to jail? Yeah. They do. And they both seem rather resigned to the fact that they're likely going to end up in jail for at least a while. They've each been charged with 14 felonies. And Amanda just turned 18 last month. Welcome to adulthood! Here are your felonies.

I guess I wish all idiots could be as seemingly remorseful as these two are and I guess I wish that all idiots could at least learn something from their stupidity. Hopefully it won't be learning through the inadvertent death of an innocent motorist who just happened to be driving by when two drunk, half-naked halfwits decide to launch rocks off of an overpass. But sadly, the only way that most idiots ever learn anything is by acting idiotic (it is of their nature; it's right their in the name: Idiot) and then getting in trouble, at which point they learn why what they were doing was, in fact, idiotic.

But as far as these two idiots go? I'm just glad they didn't kill anyone. (Video of Amanda's interview below.)

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