Saturday, May 30, 2009

Stabby Joe and the Mangled Manhood

The Swedes are an interesting bunch. They have a legal system that is a bit more subjective and left up to a bit more interpretation that ours here in the US. And my favorite source of all news that is Swedish but in English, The Local, has an example of just that. It involves a man, a woman, a dog, a stabbing, a biting and, of course, a scrotum.

It would seem that a 32-year old man had been found "...guilty of stabbing his ex-girlfriend twice from behind with a knife." (This was on or about March 31st, so it would seem that the whole processing of the criminally accused is quite rapid in Sweden.) At some apartment somewhere in southern Sweden, the man attacked the woman with a knife. After Stabby Joe had burst into action, the woman's Rottweiler burst into his own bit of action. 'Bit' being the key word there as that's just what the dog did. Bit. Bit ol' Stabby Joe there right in the groin and "...succeeded in inflicting serious damage on the 32-year-old's scrotum." Yay, Fido!

Now that's the kind of dog that you want! One that won't be messing around when it's time to defend its owner. And one that won't be trying to work its way up to becoming violent by starting off with a sternly worded growl. Nope, you want one that springs into action immediately by savagely gnawing at the attackers nether region as if it had been dipped in au jus. Way to go sharp-toothed dog!

So what's the downside here? Well, if you're the guy who just got his grundle ground, that's a serious downside! But if you're not him, well, it sounds like an upside to me. (And really, if you knew that there was a pretty good chance that you'd get your penis pulverized if you were to stab someone, wouldn't that be reason enough to double think all of the stabbing? It sounds like a marvelous deterrent if you're asking me. It's so unfortunate our legal system doesn't allow 'retaliation' to be included as part of a 'punishment'. It really is quite a shame.) But there is another downside.

The fact that genitalia gnawing occurred was reason enough for the judge in this case to find him guilty of "...stabbing his ex-girlfriend twice from behind with a knife" and then "...sentenced the man to one and a half years in jail for aggravated assault" and added that "...he would have received a longer sentence had he not been severely bitten in course of the melee." Um, what?

Correct. Because the guy who initiated the stabbing of the ex-girlfriend in the back also ended up with his schlong in shreds, that meant that he should receive a lesser sentence than if he had done all of the stabbing and not had a large and angry dog maul his manhood. Mind you, the dog got stabbed twice also! What in the hell is wrong with that judge?! Seriously. Even if you were inclined to give someone a lesser sentence because they had been Bobbitt-ed, you're only going to go with a year and half? For someone who stabbed his ex-girlfriend in the back?! That seems awfully lenient, below the belt biting or not.

The article even states that "The court rejected both the self-defence claim and the assertion that he had not attacked the woman with a knife." So, the court knows he didn't act in self defense. The court knows that he did attack the woman. And yet he only sentences the asshat to a year and a half in jail because the victims dog went, well...went all dog on the guy?! UN-believable.

If you're in the act of committing a crime and you happen to get injured during said crime, I have zero to less than zero sympathy for you. Don't want to get hurt? Don't commit a crime! Pretty simple that way. But if you do get hurt, don't expect any sort of leniency due to your injuries suffered due to your own jackassery. Oh, unless you're in Sweden. And in that case, wear a cup!

Stumble Upon Toolbar Sphere: Related Content

No comments: