Thursday, May 7, 2009

Just Plane Ridiculous

Picture if you will downtown New York City. Manhattan area. Business district. It's early on a Monday morning and the workday is in full swing. You look up and, in an unwelcome moment of deja freaking vu, you see a large plane, a 747, flying ridiculously low and just a bit too close to buildings for the comfort of anyone and everyone downtown at that moment. And if you were going to try to talk yourself out of panicking at that moment, whatever it was you were going to say to yourself became obsolete the second that you noticed the two F-16 fighter planes following the 747. Insert mass hysteria and 'holy shiite' right about here.

Or don't. Yeah, don't. That's because "Two officials told
CNN that "the White House Military Office was trying to update its file photos of Air Force One." Later they said "The flyover...was a training mission....it was also a government-sanctioned photo shoot." And later than that the FAA said that the 747 "...was taking part in a classified, government-sanctioned photo shoot." Well, whatever it was, it wasn't because we were under attack again. It was because there are dumbasses in high government positions that don't think New Yorkers need to be informed ahead of time that a low flying jet will be circling Manhattan and to not be alarmed because it's only a photo shoot for publicity photos. What a bunch of morons.

This whole incident was so wrong on so many levels. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that an incident like this could very well set off a riot, a fracas, a small melee or a number of other scenarios in which the entire public is consumed by fear and reacting to it in a complete state of panic. They had to plan out the whole photo shoot to begin with. They couldn't add to that plan a little part about alerting the public that "this is just a drill"?

Now, this 'photo shoot' was to take some 'public relations photos'. Why is it that we need 'public relations photos' of Air Force One? Are we selling rides on it? Are we putting the plane up for auction on eBay? Are we trying to encourage more tourists to visit the plane during the summer family travel months? What are we publicly trying to relate the plane to? I don't get it.

Of course, when all was said and done and everyone had a full head of steam, the White House apologized, but they did so in a way that made it sound like it was a totally honest mistake that, really, anyone could have made. Anyone who is just visiting this planet, perhaps, but other than that? I wouldn't have thought anyone could be so freaking ignorant, but I guess they can and I guess they work for the government. Good to know. As for who has been held accountable for this, well....so far "A New York City employee was disciplined for failing to pass on the FAA fly over information when it arrived on the employee's desk at City Hall."

Huh. Disciplined. Disciplined HOW? According to city officials, "...the employee was "reprimanded" and a "letter was placed in his file." " GASP!!! Not a letter! Not in his file! His permanent file? Oh, dear God, however will he go on?1 That poor, poor pinheaded dumbass.

:::: sigh ::::

So where are these photos? If they were 'publicity photos', let's give them the 'publicity' that they wanted them to have and let's see them! Uh, no. No? No.
That's because according to the fine folks over there at
Politics Daily, the White House has said that they will not be releasing any of the photos from the incident. They continue to blow smoke up our collective arse by saying that "...this is not a new decision and the plan not to release the photo has remained the same since news of the incident broke last week." Wait. THE photo? As in singular? As in one? ONE?

This waste of someone else's money (which is clearly how those who are in charge of these things must think about it, otherwise they'd be a little more careful with it) ended up costing the taxpayers $328,835, $35,000 of which went for fuel! 300 grand and you only have ONE photo and you're not even going to show it to me?? It's MY money! That's MY photo! Gimme!


But seriously, how much sense does any of that make? None! The sole purpose of this Three Stooges-esque caper was to take new publicity shots of the presidential jet over the city. Publicity. As in "for the public?" Well, not if you're asking Councilman Peter Vallone Jr. He explains (as if he's speaking to morons) "The photos . . . are classified -- that's ridiculous." No, what's "ridiculous" is that you seem to think that "publicity" and "classified" are interchangable. Seriously, Pete, what is it? A big Federal Government game of "I've Got A Secret"?

But the aspect of this fiasco that I love the most is this: To take public pictures for the public and then hide them from that same public and do so under the fake pretense that the public photos are classified, cost the taxpayers over $325k and it also scared the living daylights out of every single person in Manhattan that morning. Could they not have saved all of that money and eliminated all of that fear and terror by just Photoshopping the damned jet in front of the Statue of Liberty or anything else that they wanted? Duh.

Of course they could have! But that's how much those folks seem to care about how efficiently they spend taxpayer money, which is to say not at all! Of all of the people that it took to organize that thing, not ONE of those folks said, "Can't we just Photoshop this and save the time and the money?" Even if they're so stupid that they never would have even considered the emotional impact of a low flying 747 followed by F-16 fighters over the business district, wouldn't you think that perhaps at least ONE of them, just ONE might have thought about Photoshop? Even if they only suggested it because they were so freaking lazy and figured Photoshop would be easier, I wouldn't have cared. It's the most obvious solution to this need.


You could put Air Force One flying over the G-D moon with Photoshop! OH, look. I just did. Behold!

How about Air Force One at the maiden voyage of the Titanic? Ta-DA!

Air Force One and the Hindenburg?
I said AND the Hindenburg! Not AS the Hindenburg! But whatever. What about under the sea?
Not bad. How about the Taj Mahal
Whoa! That was close! OK, this one is tricky. The view from my window.
Very impressive! Now what about some of those landmark figures that they wanted to get pics of Air Force One in front of? Let's start with the Empire State Building.
Not exactly what I had in mind, but it makes the point. How about the Statue of Liberty? Done!

Whoops! Got a little too close there. Let's try that again. Behold!


No! No! No! Just let it go by this time. Behold!
That first time was just an accident. It won't hit you. Once more. Behold!

Oh, for cryin' out loud, never mind! You see my point though, right? Of course. And I don't know if the White House saw my point or not, but it turns out they are going to release at least ONE photo and they claim that they'll be doing it soon. Whatever. All I know is that if whatever picture they show us, if it has even the slightest hint of being Photoshopped, I'm pretty sure my head will explode.

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1 comment:

grannyann said...

It is all because Obama has this thing for AF One as I have said so many times. He flies across the street and down the street. He wants to have tons of pics of AF One for his scrapbook. He is obsessed. I loved your Photoshop creations!!