Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Botox, Botoxer, Botoxest


I guess that sometimes when you see stuff go on in your own family for a while, you don't recognize it as being weird or out of the ordinary? Is that what happens? Is that why I was perfectly resigned to the fact that my brother would painstakingly remove and then subsequently line up and categorize all of the marshmallows from his bowl of Lucky Charms? Only to pop the appropriate number or marshmallows in his mouth before adding a bite of cereal with milk. (I still, to this day, do not know what the formula was for calculating the marshmallow to toasty oat goodness ratio was.) To me, that wasn't weird. That was breakfast.

If that peculiarity of childhood can be explained away by other family members simply becoming desensitized to the whole 7am Marshmallow Segregation Ritual of the 1970s (the MSR), then I guess it would award me some peace of mind here. It certainly beats my going crazy from racking my brain so hard in search of a yet unanswered question to the point that my skull actually bursts, rendering me incapable of human interaction and devoid of all feelings. (Yet since I'm practically that way already, can I be rendered further? More stories like this one and time will tell, my friends. Time will tell.)

Side note: Totally off topic, but have you ever noticed how the 'charms' in the Lucky Charms sort of resemble the pieces in the game 'Operation'? They totally do!

The question being: Why in the hell would this seemingly normal teenage girl willingly accept a present from her mother when the present is Botox injections and when the mother looks like this. Behold!


OH, what the hell is that?

That would be a one Jodie King and her mother, a one Margaret King, according to The Daily Mail. I think someone must have switched up the pictures though, because that is clearly Marcia Brady and The Joker. Where's the picture of the Kings?!


What? Oh. Really? Oh. Whoops. Annnny-wayyyyy....so...Botox!

Yep. Again, according to The Daily Mail Mrs. King has spent £45,000 for her own plastic surgery. I know! Can you believe that she's had some work done?! Me neither! and so when Jodie's 18th birthday rolled around, Mrs. King"bought her £160 Botox injections" because "Jodie's forehead is like mine - she gets pronounced lines when she makes a facial expression. I knew Botox would solve the problem.'"

Um, ma'am? Yeah, you see, EVERYONE gets lines when they MAKE a facial expression! It's not UNUSUAL for your face to CHANGE when you're actually MOVING it! The odd part is when you move you face and NOTHING MOVES!! Or if your forehead is so smooth, you could be the screen at a drive-in movie, that's not normal!

But it must be normal for Jodie because she is almost 20 and "...earns £800 a month as a model, using the money to pay for Botox jabs." A model? For what? "Before They Were Freaks" magazine?

Jodie claims that her mother who "...is separated from Jodie's father (probably because he didn't think that any woman should have a forehead that is smooth enough to ice skate on), has been under the knife for a nose job, two breast enlargements, a tummy tuck and a mini-facelift." TWO breast enlargements? What? Did they do them one at a time or something? Why two? (Because she's crazy, that is correct.)

Jodie will not fare much better than The Joker her mother if this statement is any indication: "So what if I'm a teenage Botox addict? I can't think of anything worse than looking old. I'll always find a way to pay for Botox. Now I've started I can't stop." See the connection? Acorn? Tree?

This will not end well. Then again, if this chick thinks that her mother looks fabulous, then maybe it will end well for her. She'll end up looking just like the spawn of a Marvel Comics character and if she is truly that admiring of her mother's looks, then she will be thrilled. The parents of small children who have to run after said children when they flee in horror upon seeing her for the first time, those folks will not be so thrilled.

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