Parenting Done Right

I'm sure that by now you've either seen or heard about the video below, but I'm going to put here anywhere. The situation depicted in said video is this: A guy finds out that his daughter has posted a screed on her Facebook that is disrespectful to him and his wife, not to mention another woman who apparently cleans their house as some sort of an exchange. The guy mentions that this is not the first time that his daughter (who is 15) has been disrespectful toward them on Facebook. He also mentions that when it happened before, he told his daughter that if it happened again that it would be worse. I believe he told her something to the effect of he would "put a bullet" through her laptop. And he's not the kind of guy who doesn't follow through on what he says.

The guy (whose name is Tommy Jordan) is very calm and collected in his video. It's a bit long at just over eight minutes, but I think that it's awesome. This is a guy who gets it. This is a guy who wants his daughter to grow up to be a respectful and productive human being. This is a guy who loves his daughter. I like him. And I'm not the only one. His video has been viewed almost seven million times in the last 48 hours (and maybe not even that long). And what do you think that sort of instant Internet fame is going to do the guy? Nothing bad, to my surprise.

He posted on his Facebook account (that all the world seems to know about now) that he wouldn't be doing any interviews with the media because he doesn't see anything good coming out of it for him or for his family. He also says that the media tends to twist things around and that he doesn't need that. He has been willing to answer reporters questions via email and he has shared some of those responses on his Facebook page. (He mentioned that CBS called him yesterday and offered him his own show! What is wrong with you, CBS?! A show about...what? Real life? A good dad? CBS, is your programming so crappy that a show about a dad who disciplines his daughter is a novelty to you? We really are doomed. I like to joke about it, but only because it's true. But make no mistake about it. The end is near!) He posted the following:

Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.

Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.

So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.

If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.

If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.

Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break.

Now THAT is someone with their head screwed on straight. What's that? Oh, right. The video. The video is below. You can also check it out on YouTube by clicking here. This has clearly struck a nerve with a ton of people. And I haven't offered up a ton of commentary on this (mainly because I don't think that I can add to its awesomeness) because it stands for itself. He's a good dad and a good guy. We won't be seeing him making the media rounds and I find that not only shocking, but also extremely commendable. Let me know what you think. I think it's awesome.

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Botox, Botoxer, Botoxest

I guess that sometimes when you see stuff go on in your own family for a while, you don't recognize it as being weird or out of the ordinary? Is that what happens? Is that why I was perfectly resigned to the fact that my brother would painstakingly remove and then subsequently line up and categorize all of the marshmallows from his bowl of Lucky Charms? Only to pop the appropriate number or marshmallows in his mouth before adding a bite of cereal with milk. (I still, to this day, do not know what the formula was for calculating the marshmallow to toasty oat goodness ratio was.) To me, that wasn't weird. That was breakfast.

If that peculiarity of childhood can be explained away by other family members simply becoming desensitized to the whole 7am Marshmallow Segregation Ritual of the 1970s (the MSR), then I guess it would award me some peace of mind here. It certainly beats my going crazy from racking my brain so hard in search of a yet unanswered question to the point that my skull actually bursts, rendering me incapable of human interaction and devoid of all feelings. (Yet since I'm practically that way already, can I be rendered further? More stories like this one and time will tell, my friends. Time will tell.)

Side note: Totally off topic, but have you ever noticed how the 'charms' in the Lucky Charms sort of resemble the pieces in the game 'Operation'? They totally do!

The question being: Why in the hell would this seemingly normal teenage girl willingly accept a present from her mother when the present is Botox injections and when the mother looks like this. Behold!

OH, what the hell is that?

That would be a one Jodie King and her mother, a one Margaret King, according to The Daily Mail. I think someone must have switched up the pictures though, because that is clearly Marcia Brady and The Joker. Where's the picture of the Kings?!

What? Oh. Really? Oh. Whoops. Annnny-wayyyyy....so...Botox!

Yep. Again, according to The Daily Mail Mrs. King has spent £45,000 for her own plastic surgery. I know! Can you believe that she's had some work done?! Me neither! and so when Jodie's 18th birthday rolled around, Mrs. King"bought her £160 Botox injections" because "Jodie's forehead is like mine - she gets pronounced lines when she makes a facial expression. I knew Botox would solve the problem.'"

Um, ma'am? Yeah, you see, EVERYONE gets lines when they MAKE a facial expression! It's not UNUSUAL for your face to CHANGE when you're actually MOVING it! The odd part is when you move you face and NOTHING MOVES!! Or if your forehead is so smooth, you could be the screen at a drive-in movie, that's not normal!

But it must be normal for Jodie because she is almost 20 and "...earns £800 a month as a model, using the money to pay for Botox jabs." A model? For what? "Before They Were Freaks" magazine?

Jodie claims that her mother who "...is separated from Jodie's father (probably because he didn't think that any woman should have a forehead that is smooth enough to ice skate on), has been under the knife for a nose job, two breast enlargements, a tummy tuck and a mini-facelift." TWO breast enlargements? What? Did they do them one at a time or something? Why two? (Because she's crazy, that is correct.)

Jodie will not fare much better than The Joker her mother if this statement is any indication: "So what if I'm a teenage Botox addict? I can't think of anything worse than looking old. I'll always find a way to pay for Botox. Now I've started I can't stop." See the connection? Acorn? Tree?

This will not end well. Then again, if this chick thinks that her mother looks fabulous, then maybe it will end well for her. She'll end up looking just like the spawn of a Marvel Comics character and if she is truly that admiring of her mother's looks, then she will be thrilled. The parents of small children who have to run after said children when they flee in horror upon seeing her for the first time, those folks will not be so thrilled.

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At Least She Wasn't A Teacher

You'd think that we'd heard just about every excuse for the having of all of the sex by the older woman with the underage boys, wouldn't you? Not only would you think that, you'd HOPE so! Because if we had heard ALL of the excuses, then perhaps this would stop happening! I doubt it, but again, it's that HOPE thing. (You hope for a lot of things. You don't get most of them, but it's the hope that keeps you from hanging yourself in the meantime.) And while I'm glad that today's story of a woman having sex with a couple of underage boys doesn't involve a teacher and a middle school, it's still hardly anything I can condone.

Today we're going to go to Anderson, CA, a small town about 150 miles north of Sacramento, for some parenting tips from a one 30-year old Deborah Lee Towe. See, Ms. Towe was just trying to be a good parent and all by trying to protect her 14-year old daughter from other teenage boys. You know how the whole teenage courtship/mating thing can go. Awkwardly at best, that is correct. But she was just looking out for her daughter and trying to protect her from advances from the horndogs that are teenage boys. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like superb parenting. Oh, wait. Did I mention that her method involved the boys having sex with HER instead so that they would leave her daughter alone? Yeah, that's what she said. Sure! What a brilliant idea! A woman who, by the way, is married with two sons and the daughter, decides that rather than talking to her daughter about, well...anything really, but instead decides that a better course of action would be to divert the attention of said potential teenage male suitors with her own vagina!

Brilliant! Or not so much. Now, from what I can gather from the information supplied by Redding.com, there are 48 pages worth of police report on this matter. 48! That's a small novel! And within said small novel it explains that how this whole thing came to light was that the vice principal of Anderson Middle School told police that "...two female students told him that the mother of one of their friends was having sex with boys." Now, I have to wonder if the daughter knew. Oh, granted, the entire school knew! You think a 15-year old boy is going to do it with a 30-year old woman and NOT tell everyone he comes in contact with? Oh, no, he is. (He probably Twittered it.) And she absolutely knows now just to what extent her mother went to in order to 'protect her'. I guess I'm just curious as to whether she told her friends or her friends told her or how that all came about. Either way though, that's just rough. Too bad that this woman couldn't have protected her daughter from her own mom. Ugh. Annnnnny way....Where was I? Oh, right. Once upon a time.... (I've really gotta get a harp.)

It would seem that one of the boys involved "struck up a friendship with Towe while visiting her home." Most likely to see her DAUGHTER! A point clearly missed by Ms. Towe, as the boy also told police that "...he had sex with her in the back seat of her car at Wal-Mart in Anderson and that they also drank alcohol." Aw, and she showed him a little romance as well, how sweet.

Drank alcohol? Like rubbing alcohol? Nah, couldn't be. Why don't they just say what it was? I'm guessing wine coolers (we're talking about some place called Anderson, California, mind you). Yep, an older woman, luring in a young lad into her Saturn with the temptation of Bartles & Jaymes and the implication of a forbidden liaison in the Wal-Mart parking lot. What teenage male would pass that up? None. And you know why? Because everything aside from the woman is irrelevant. Teenage boys need nothing more than a willing partner and that's good enough. Really, the only reason that they need the woman at all is because she's the one who carries around the vagina all the time. If they could get hold of that and not have to bother with the woman, they would. (I know a lot of guys who are like that too. Sad.)

See if you can spot a pattern in behaviors here. So another boy that ended up being a party to this, um, party told police that Ms. Towe "...had sent sexually suggestive text messages and a photo to his cell phone." OK, so now she's stupid AND immature. The cell phone photo? Ma'am, do you see that man standing next to you in this family photo? Yeah, he's your HUSBAND! What say you keep the cell phone photos of yourself strictly between you and him rather than sending said photo to a 15 year old boy (who will keep that photo for the rest of his life and possibly have it made into a 3'x4' poster for his dorm room wall at college. Just so you know.).

The boy told police that this Mother of the Year candidate "...had told him to come over and "do stuff." " Yeah, stuff. STUPID stuff. So naturally, what happened? They had sex, correct. Where? In a parking lot, correct! Only this time at the Anderson Heights Elementary School (probably because that was where she felt the most comfortable).

And yet another boy told police "...that he and Towe had kissed, but "that's pretty much it." " Later on, however, he fessed up to the fact that "...they intimately touched each other at her home." Now I have no reason to disbelieve that's all that happened because if they had actually HAD sex they would have been in a parking lot somewhere. Maybe the one behind the Dairy Queen or over at the Feed Lot. who knows? But the fact that he said they were at her home leads me to believe that they did not have sex. Not just because they weren't in a parking lot, but also because in her home (or ANY home, really) would be somewhere that you would expect people to be having sex. But since this woman has to be one of the dumbest individuals on the planet, I would expect her to do the opposite of normal. And so far, she has not disappointed in that arena! Nope! Fulfilled all expectations of stupidity laid out in front of her! (And those weren't the only expectations that she fulfilled for something laid out in front of her, that's for sure.)

I will say that I'm not totally convinced that the one boy didn't have sex with her. Come on, the kid is 15 years old. She's 30 AND she wants to have sex with him (to keep him away from her daughter, don't you know?). If you're the 15 year old, you HAVE the sex! You just do! I guess it's the statement that "they intimately touched each other" that makes me think that they really did have sex because the last time I checked, having sex DOES involve intimate touching! If you're having sex, there's some pretty intimate touching going on. So who knows? He's probably just trying to get out of being grounded when his parents find out about all of the touching that was or wasn't going on all intimately.

A cop who was interviewing Ms. Towe said that he made the statement:" 'You must have felt pretty attractive.' To which she replied, 'I did, I felt young, I missed all those years.' " All of WHAT years? The years where you would fornicate with someone's mother who was twice your age? Hey, I missed those years too! But I'm not sleeping with teenage boys! In fact, MOST of us are not sleeping with teenage boys (much to the dismay of teenage boys everywhere)! And you felt young? Lady, you're THIRTY! How 'young' were you hoping to go there? You couldn't have just put on a plaid skirt and had some naughty Catholic schoolgirl fantasy thing going on with your husband instead? You could have fit the parking lot at the Wal-Mart or the Dollar Store into that fantasy somehow. AND if you had gone that route, you wouldn't currently be sitting in jail with a $250,000 bond. Younger AND not in jail! What more could a gal want?

According to the report given on KRCR-TV, "People who live in her suburban neighborhood are shocked." Well GOOD! I imagine they are shocked. They should be! People who DON'T live in her suburban neighborhood are shocked! Why is that part of the news? It would be news if they WEREN'T shocked! Something like: "Oh, sure. We see this kind of thing all the time around here. No big deal. Women and boys. Boys and ducks. It's just another Saturday night in Anderson." Now THAT would be news!

But, hey, from the Department of The Sun is Hot, the mainstream media is almost completely inept and getting closer and closer to becoming just like Ms. Towe's parenting skills. Totally useless.

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Fey-lin and Other Celebrity Spawn

Well, here's one you don't hear about every day (I hope). I guess that would depend on how many people that you kind of don't really know all that well (personally, as opposed to physically) would be offering up their teenage daughter (whom you really do not know AT ALL) to babysit for your small child when you were having a hard time finding a babysitter. If you're Tina Fey, it happens to you when you're on the set of Saturday Night LIve to make a guest appearance and give your comedic portrayal of Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Oh, and it actually IS Sarah Palin who made the offer.

Apparently, that week that Sarah Palin was on Saturday Night Live Tina Fey needed someone to babysit her daughter, Alice (What is it with 'Alice' popping up all over the place these days?!) and was having a difficult time finding someone to do so. (All of those folks over there and no one can watch the kid? Tina Fey didn't plan ahead? I don't get it.) Well, Eskimo Governor to the rescue!! Right before the show, Caribou Barbie there went up to Tina Fey and asked if Alice was still around and Fey told her that she had found a babysitter and that Alice had gone home. That's when Caribou Barbie says, "Oh, 'cause Bristol would have babysat!" Bristol being her 17-year old pregnant teenage daughter, of course.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm no so sure how I'd feel about my Mom offering me up as the sacrificial babysitter for someone. Granted, it's Tina Fey (and if you knew my mother, you'd know that the chances of her ever even knowing someone remotely like Tina Fey, or even someone just named Tina, are slim to none) and that might make a difference, but it's hard to really know. Oh, AND it just happened to be Bristol's 18th birthday!

Fey told this lovely tale to Conan O'Brien on his show on October 28, the video of said tale is below.

Being volunteered to do something that your Mom thinks that you should do is one thing, but on your 18th birthday? Granted, being preggers and all that does put a bit of a damper on whatever festivities might have arose if she had not been preggers. (Then again, it was probably the festivities that did arise that caused all of the preggers in the first place.) I mean, come on! You've just turned eighteen, you're on the set of Saturday Night freakin' Live, you're NOT in Alaska and your Mom, who is running for Vice President of the United States, volunteers you tospend your time on the set babysitting for a toddler whose mother just happens to make a living mocking your own mother on national TV once a week! Sure! Happy birthday!

As I was looking unsuccessfully for more pictures of Tina Fey and her daughter (Nice job, Tina! Keep that kid out of the spotlight and give her a chance at normalcy. I can't argue with that.), I came across pictures of other celebrities and their legitimate or not spawn. I was amused.

Here we have Nicole Richie and Joel Madden and their daughter Harlow. It would appear that Nicole Richie is looking for pumpkins. It would appear that Joel Madden is thinking about breasts. What is it with the multiple sets of round objects together? The pumpkins. Her glasses. Even the kid is looking around for something breast-like.

Next is Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise. The child is adorable. And it's not her fault that she came into the being of Katie and her husband, L. Tom Hubbard. But does Katie really look like she's all that into the Mom thing? Had it not been for the camera taking the photo, it's highly likely she was about the shoo the child away. "Go on! Back! Back to the nanny!"

Now, doesn't the 55 year old Dennis Quaid look just thrilled to have a pair of young twins (Thomas and Zoe) to raise? The man looks as if he could not be more angry at his fertile, fertile bride there. He has the look of "I can't believe I'm doing this crap again at my age! Stupid Viagara."

The caption on this photo read "Gwen Stefani's son Kingston Rossdale dresses as a skunk for trick or treating in Beverly Hills on Oct. 19." That explains the perplexed look on the boy's face, as no one actually HAD any candy on the 19th as they were 12 days early for Halloween.

Next, Gwyneth Paltrow goes for a walk with her son Moses Martin while they are in London. She was apparently afraid of he might stumble into the high seas and made sure that he wore a jacket that doubles as a life preserver just as a safety precaution.

This is Selma Hayek and her child, Valentina. Perhaps she should hang out with Katie Holmes, as she too seems ill-prepared and in a bit of shock at the notion of raising a child. To her credit, she does seem overly prepared to breast feed.

Of course, what list of celebrities and their spawn would be complete without a picture of a celebrity and her International Collection of Children. Angelina Jolie, in her black, long, flowing dress and fly-eye sunglasses is seen inconscpicuously walking down the street with her three children of various ethnicities, oneof whom is wearing lime green Crocs. Good thing she has on those big sunglasses so that no one will be able to recognize her! It's only because of an extremely alert photographer who just happened to have his camera with him that this snapshot was possible.

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Austrian Audacity

Some people just don't get it. Case in point: Josef Fritzl. Fritzl (who needs to buy another vowel), is the 73-year old Austrian a-hole who kept his daughter locked in the cellar for 24 years whilst he raped her repeatedly and fathered her SEVEN children (all given birth in the basement prison). Three of the children had never seen daylight before they were finally rescued a couple of months ago. (By the way, "never seen daylight" doesn't mean "never went outside". It means, literally, what it says. They had spent their entire lives in a windowless basement and had never seen daylight. That is a concept that I highly doubt any of us could even remotely envision.) Austrian a-hole is really the mildest moniker I could come up with and it doesn't even come close to how I really feel about the dude.

Anyway, Fritzl has been under arrest for the past 2 months. Correct. TWO months. TWO months ago he was arrested. TWO months ago he was jailed. TWO months ago he was jailed for keeping his own daughter locked in his basement continuously for twenty four years. Well, after TWO MONTHS, he's decided he's had enough. According to the fine folks across the pond at The Telegraph, Fritzl "has asked permission to leave his prison cell after admitting he can no longer stand being cooped up." If someone could please hand me the World's Smallest Violin, I can take it from here. Are you kidding me, dude?

Even though Fritzl has a fear of being attacked by other prisoners (that is probably a reasonable fear to have), he has demanded his right to exercise 30 minutes every day. He has also been held in a cell that usually accommodates two, by the way, yet he is the only one in there. So he has a larger than average cell and yet he's feeling "cooped up". Um, WAH.

According to a prison source of The Telegraph, "He usually sits there watching television all day, especially news programmes about him." Watching TV shows about himself. Huh. What else? He also "has been making copious notes ready for the interview, as he will be present when Elisabeth speaks via a video link up and will be allowed to ask questions via his lawyer." OK, then. I've heard enough.

Yeah, that must be rough on him. In a cell larger than other individual cells. All cooped up like that. Only allowed outside 30 minutes a day. Oh, and all of this WITHOUT someone raping you. Yeah, um, that sounds like you have it, um, "rough" (which is actually how you should be raped, by the way).

This really shouldn't surprise me or anyone else, and I don't know if it does. It sure does piss me off, though. I guess I should just assume that someone that could act in such a heinous fashion for so long would naturally be a selfish bastard. Oh, and a coward. (Not so tough with the big boys, eh, Joe?! Not so tough when it might be YOU getting raped, eh, Joe? You asshole.) Below is a graphic of how his makeshift prison was laid out. (You should be able to click on it to enlarge it to a full screen view.) 24 years he kept his own daughter locked down there. 24 years. He's been in jail for 2 months and he's feeling "cooped up"? Yeah, burn in hell, dude.

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