Parenting Done Right

I'm sure that by now you've either seen or heard about the video below, but I'm going to put here anywhere. The situation depicted in said video is this: A guy finds out that his daughter has posted a screed on her Facebook that is disrespectful to him and his wife, not to mention another woman who apparently cleans their house as some sort of an exchange. The guy mentions that this is not the first time that his daughter (who is 15) has been disrespectful toward them on Facebook. He also mentions that when it happened before, he told his daughter that if it happened again that it would be worse. I believe he told her something to the effect of he would "put a bullet" through her laptop. And he's not the kind of guy who doesn't follow through on what he says.

The guy (whose name is Tommy Jordan) is very calm and collected in his video. It's a bit long at just over eight minutes, but I think that it's awesome. This is a guy who gets it. This is a guy who wants his daughter to grow up to be a respectful and productive human being. This is a guy who loves his daughter. I like him. And I'm not the only one. His video has been viewed almost seven million times in the last 48 hours (and maybe not even that long). And what do you think that sort of instant Internet fame is going to do the guy? Nothing bad, to my surprise.

He posted on his Facebook account (that all the world seems to know about now) that he wouldn't be doing any interviews with the media because he doesn't see anything good coming out of it for him or for his family. He also says that the media tends to twist things around and that he doesn't need that. He has been willing to answer reporters questions via email and he has shared some of those responses on his Facebook page. (He mentioned that CBS called him yesterday and offered him his own show! What is wrong with you, CBS?! A show about...what? Real life? A good dad? CBS, is your programming so crappy that a show about a dad who disciplines his daughter is a novelty to you? We really are doomed. I like to joke about it, but only because it's true. But make no mistake about it. The end is near!) He posted the following:

Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.

Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.

So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.

If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.

If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.

Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break.

Now THAT is someone with their head screwed on straight. What's that? Oh, right. The video. The video is below. You can also check it out on YouTube by clicking here. This has clearly struck a nerve with a ton of people. And I haven't offered up a ton of commentary on this (mainly because I don't think that I can add to its awesomeness) because it stands for itself. He's a good dad and a good guy. We won't be seeing him making the media rounds and I find that not only shocking, but also extremely commendable. Let me know what you think. I think it's awesome.

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The Hilarity Of A Super PAC

I think I love Stephen Colbert. His effort to attempt to point out (through glorious parody and general amusement) just how ridiculous the rules for things like Super PACs are. And the rules would seem to be that there are no rules. Pretty much, you can say whatever you'd like and it doesn't seem that there are any consequences for anything.

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We Won

I don't write about my personal life here very much. But I'm going to briefly do so today. And with good reason. I have been a San Francisco 49ers fan my entire life. I love that team so much. The past eight years that we have missed the playoffs because we've sucked have not been fun. I was seriously worried that yesterday's playoff game could potentially end in disaster. And just when I would think that we were ahead enough that we could win, the Saints came roaring back to push our imminent shot at victory aside. But in the end, it was the 49ers who prevailed in spectacular fashion. And in the video below, you can relive that very spectacular fashion. And pay attention to the guy who caught it and how he's just bawling his head off afterwards. Those are some mighty manly tears of relief and happiness. It was just awesome. One of the best things I've ever seen in my life. I still can't believe that we flipping won!

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California Extreme 2011

Look, I know that I almost never post anything about myself (because that's not what this is for). And this is pretty much not really an exception to that. See, yesterday and until 2 this morning, I was down at the Hyatt hotel in Santa Clara at something called California Extreme. It's a video game and pinball show where there are hundreds of arcade games and pinball machines all set to free play. That is how I spent my day, my night and my early morning yesterday. Today shall be no exception. It's two days and it's once a year and I must be there. So in lieu of a real post (but this still counts as a post, so my "post every single day" streak is still in tact!), how about some cell phone quality pictures of my nerd fest?

Here we have an Addams Family pinball machine hooked up to some sort of exercise-ish bike. From what I could tell, if you wanted to play, you had to pedal! Yes, it's quirky, but who the heck wants to exercise when they're playing video games. Lethargy is implied!

Here is a very, VERY small section of the floor. Multiply this by about twenty and you'll be close to imagining how many games were there.

Long live GORF.

And the game that (kind of) started it all, PONG:

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Don't Text In The Magnited States Of America

First things first. No, I do not know why these posts are being formatted the way that they are. It sucks. I realize that. I think it has something to do with Windows Vista that I am being forced to use until my new power supply on my regular computer is installed. Whatever it is, it should only last a couple more days at the most. I hate it too. Now that I've cleared that up, onward!

You know where I want to go to see a movie? The Alamo Drafthouse Theater in Austin. You know why? Because they're awesome. Any movie theater that will kick someone out for using their phone during a movie will definitely get repeat business from me. All I have to do now is figure out how to get to Austin.

Here's the story: According to a site with the super awesome name of Film Drunk, "...a girl was recently kicked out of the Alamo without refund for

texting after she’d already been warned twice". Wow. They warn people AND they follow through and kick them out when the people don't give a crap. Awesome. Can you see why I would want to watch movies at this fine establishment? I cannot stand when I have already shelled out way too much money to watch something that will hopefully not be mediocre and then there is some a-hole sitting next to me or in front of me with their phone out and glowing the entire time. And apparently, the Alamo Drafthouse Theater knows exactly that, which is why they actually do something about the aforementioned a-holes. Now, this chick that was booted out, let's just say that she was a little inebriated. I don't know how much she had actually imbibed in, but it was enough for her to call the theater and complain about her ejection. Let's go through the content of her message, shall we?

"Yeah, I was wondering if you guys actually enjoy treating your customers like pieces of s***? Because that's how I felt when I went to the Alamo Drafthouse! (I like how she names the place when she's already calling that place. It's like she's writing a review on Yelp! or something.) Okay? You know what? I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to text in your little crappy ass theater. (You're not supposed to text in any theater, cupcake. Crappy ass or not. Though I'm relatively sure that the Alamo Drafthouse is not a crappy ass theater. It might have had a crappy ass customer, but that doesn't reflect upon the establishment at all.) It was too f***ing dark in that place for me to find my seat. All right? I was using my PHOOONNNE as a FLASHLIGHT to get to my f***in' seat. (I thought you just said that you didn't know you weren't supposed to text? But now you're using it as a flashlight? OK, then.) So EXCUSE ME for using MY phone. In USA MAGNITED STATES OF AMERICA! (The Magnited States of America. Maybe she meant 'magneted'. You know. Because all of the states are all held together.) Where yer..you are FREE to TEXT in a THE-A-TER! (You're still unclear on the concept, buttercup. You're NOT free to annoy everyone around you and text, er, use your phone as a flashlight in a theater.) I was not AWARE that I couldn't text in your theater. All right? I've texted in all the other theaters in Austin and no one ever gave a f*** about what me...I was doin' on my f***in' phone. (Oh, I'm going to go ahead and disagree with that. I'm pretty sure that MOST people gave a f*** that you were texting during their movie. You sound like a peach. I can't believe this is the first time that you've been kicked out of someplace with that attitude.) All right? And it was on SILENT. It watn't on LOUD. It wasn't BOTHERING anybody. (It isn't supposed to be on AT ALL! You're at the movies! Turn your G-D phone OFF!) You guys, obviously, were being a-holes to me. (I'll go to those a-holes theater any time if they kick out people like you.) AND I'm SURE that's what you do...you know...to rip people off. You take my money and then you throw me out. You know? I will never be comin' back to your Alamo Drafthouse or whatever. (Victory! Now I will DEFINITELY go to the Alamo Drafthouse because I know for a fact SHE won't be there.) I'd rather go to a reglear theater where people are actually polite. Annit...you know? I'm gonna tell EVERYONE about how s****y you are. And I'm pretty sure you guys are being a-holes on purpose. (If kicking you out because people like you annoy the crap out of everyone around them means that they were being a-holes on purpose, then yes. They were.) So thanks for making me fill like a customer. Thanks for takin' my money,a-hole! (Thanks for never going back, sweetheart.)

And right when you think that this couldn't get any better, it does! See, those a-holes over there at the Alamo Drafthouse are so proud of what they did (and they absolutely should be) that they took this little angel's voicemail message and made it their "Don't Text or Talk" PSA which they will be playing before all of their R-rated movies! You can check out their explanation of the events that transposed and their PSA on their website. I love this place. I've never been, but one day, I will go. If you're in the Austin area, please go see a movie at this place. It seems like a given that you won't be interrupted during your film. Awesome. Simply awesome.

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Wave At The Bus

All parents do things that embarrass their children on occasion. In my household, that translated to daily. But there are several different levels of embarrassment. Most of the time, it's just parents being parents that get the biggest reactions out of their offspring. But other times, there's just pure, purposeful fun that the parent really enjoys and the kid claims to not enjoy, but probably secretly does. There's this guy in Utah that totally fits into the last category.

According to an article in the not surprisingly Mormon Deseret News, when Dale Price found out that his 15-year old son's school bus passed right by their house every morning, he decided that he'd stand outside and wave at the bus. Every day. Dressed in a different costume. Behold!

He takes his craft very seriously. And he's not just trying to embarrass his son. Well, kind of. It's his way of getting involved with his son. Dale said "...it was "a way of letting him know that we really care about him, but do something a little different." He described it as "a father's way" of saying I love you." And he showed his love for 170 straight school days. Here he is as Pocahontas:

Dale chronicled every single costume that he wore on his blog Wave At The Bus. Here he is as an ice fisherman:

Even when he was sick, he managed to have something out there. One day, he was out there with a cardboard cutout of Legolas from Lord of the Rings. When he had a fever one morning, Legolas stood in his place. Behold!

As far as his son Rain goes, he got used to it, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't embarrassing. "I'm not going to reward him for this; his reward is seeing my embarrassment." That's a smart kid with a good dad is what that is. Rain also noted "You don't want to see your dad dressing up in a wedding dress, waving at you on the bus." Good point. Behold!

Yeah, he's right. No one wants to see their dad like that. There wasn't any mention in the article as to WHERE Dale managed to get all of these costumes. He didn't repeat at all, so that makes for 170 different outfits. And he didn't appear to skimp at all! Seriously, who has an adult-sized Robin outfit lying around their house at the ready? This guy! Behold!

Or a Mario outfit?

And helmets! The guy seems to have an abundance of helmets! I'm not talking motorcycle helmets. I'm talking helmets from Star Wars...

A Transformer...

Nacho Libre...(OK, technically, that's not a helmet. But it is still a little odd that he had that outfit handy.)

Seriously, check out the guy's blog. It's as amusing as it is heartwarming. Kids need dads! Kids need dads that are involved. It doesn't have to be dressing up in a costume every day to wave at your kid's school bus, but it has to be something. Anything!

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Gotcha!

Well. I had no idea that I would be writing about this today. And I must say, it has been a very welcomed surprise. Ding-dong, bin Laden is dead.

When I heard that President Barry was going to address the nation tonight, I was really hoping that it was going to be about aliens. But the way that it turned out ended up being at least one hundred times better. Turns out that ol' Weird Beard was holed up in a walled-off compound (that I cannot wait to hear more about and perhaps model my own after) in someplace called Abbottabad which is in Pakistan. And since we're fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, it totally makes sense that he's in Pakistan, right? Don't answer that. The point is that he's dead. And it's about freaking time.

And look, while I complain and bitch about a lot of things here, it doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty proud to be an American. And it's on days like this that I'm really proud. And while I'll be in a celebratory mood tonight (I'm writing this on Sunday), tomorrow I'm going to start looking for signs that this is the beginning of the end of us at war in other countries,. Oh, and I'll also be waiting to see the death certificate.

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Bully For You!

There's a video that's been making the rounds on the Innerwebs recently and I find it completely awesome. Essentially what we have is your typical school bullying situation, only this time, it's a little weasely kid picking on a much bigger kid. And the much bigger kid takes it...for a while. And when he's done taking it, he is done taking it. The picked on kid wrestles around with the little jackass for about all of four seconds before he gets a good enough grip on him to pick him up and body slam him into the ground. It's beautiful. I've watched it several times and it just doesn't get old. I think that my favorite part is watching the kid try and figure out how to stand up and walk again as he stumbles around in circles wondering what in the hell just hit him. And even better is how the picked-on kid just stands there for a minute and makes sure that he's done. He really could have let him have it some more. The little a-hole is lucky that he didn't get the real pounding that he had coming to him. But it's still a great thing to watch. Bullying isn't cool. I'm all for this approach to getting kids to stop. If the video below doesn't load or whatever, click here and watch it on YouTube.

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Merry Guitar Hero Christmas To All!

Side note: I've been swamped all day. Baking crap holiday goods to give to people for Christmas takes a lot more time than just ambling about in the mall. It is more delicious than stuff you can get at the mall (with the exception of, perhaps, Cinnabon), but it's definitely time consuming. Therefore, I'm revisiting an awesome post from last year. It still find it awesome because I still love Guitar Hero. And I'm only a day away from new games to play.

Fine. I'll admit it. I love Guitar Hero. It's the funnest damn video game I think I've ever played. Better than the entire Tony Hawk series (which was the reason that I ever got a PS2 in the first place). Probably better than any of the games that I played in the arcades as a young hooligan. Definitely better than Pong. I love it. Granted, I am constantly mocked by my non-playing friends (Translation: all of them), but they still love me, so I'm good with the mocking.

That being said, if I knew where the folks responsible for the video below lived, I would move in across the street from them. That's right. I would leave the self-imposed isolation (to protect me from the morons of society) of my walled-off compound and be someone's neighbor for the holiday season. That's how cool I think this is. I realize that the majority of you won't think that it is as cool as I do. That sounds like a personal problem. Perhaps witnessing how video games and the Christmas season can come together as one and spread tidings of joy throughout the land will change your mind over the coolness.

I give to you (courtesy of those guys who posted it on YouTube) a Christmas Light Hero. Behold!

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Now THAT'S A Response

What you are about to read is one of the most awesome letters I have ever come across. And really, I wouldn't have come across this at all if it hadn't been for something called The Last Angry Fan. It appears to be sports related and, if I'm judging on this item alone, completely awesome. It seems that back in 1974 (why it took this long for something this great to be known to the public is beyond me) there was a disgruntled Cleveland Browns fan who was also a uptight asswad. He seems very concerned about spectator safety due to the reckless abandon with which other rowdy fans are endangering innocent bystanders. By throwing paper airplanes. Read on. I swear. (If it's not big enough, just double click the image and that should enlarge it. If it doesn't click on the link above and read it there.)

Seriously, how are you supposed to reply to something like that? I can't even imagine why that guy even had season tickets. He clearly doesn't quite understand what comes along with going to live sporting events. (He's obviously not an Oakland Raiders fan. I'm pretty sure that team has a prerequisite that you be a convicted felon and are capable of hurling a D battery onto the field from the back of the upper deck.) And just how much attention do you want to pay to a nimrod like that guy? He's obviously an attorney, so I guess it could get ugly, unless....it was responded to in such a manner that only a genius could conceive of it. (Side note: Scott and Mark, this guy is clearly from your tribe. You will be proud, as he is one of your own.) Behold, the response!

I don't know where Mr. James E. Bailey, General Counsel, is to this day, but I hope he is alive and well, living a life of prosperity and has had a statue made in honor that is prominently on display in a town square somewhere. Well done, sir. Well done, indeed.

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They Didn't Ask For Signs

I think I love Arizona Governor Jan Brewer. Seriously. This video rules. Way to call out the Federal Government! Nice.

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Awesome Brawling Lawmakers

You know what would make the Senate more interesting on a day to day basis? The potential for knock down, drag out fights to break out between the lawmakers. Why, oh, why can't our lawmakers do that? They don't seem to be doing much else. The least that they could do is be entertaining. My God, they're boring. But not in Taiwan! Nope, in Taiwan, they all seem to damn near want to kill each other. One guy pelted the other guy in the face with a clock! The video is below. It's awesome. Imagine if that had been Nancy Pelosi. That alone might have restored my faith in humanity. (OK...not all of my faith, but a little bit! It's better than nothing, which is what I have right now!)

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Where For Art Thou, Kobayashi?

If you do nothing else on the Fourth of July, Independence Day, make sure that you at least tune into ESPN around noon EST for the 95th (Yes! 95th!) annual Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest at Coney Island. I swear. But I don't recommend it for most reasons that you'd probably think of.

Watching a bunch of grown men and a few grown women shove dog after dog after dog down their gullet in an attempt to be proclaimed the champion and take possession of the coveted award, the Mustard Yellow Belt. Oh, it's quite a sight. The belt. The eating. The whole deal. Behold!
As a seasoned veteran spectator of this spectacle, I'll give you a crash course primer on the things to pay the most attention to. (Trust me. It's such a disgusting mess at times, you really don't know where to look and your only instinct is to look AWAY! But if you do that, you'll miss some real good eatin'!) Usually, there are really only two names that you need to know. One of those names is Takeru Kobayashi from Japan. Kobayashi came onto the scene in 2001 when the record from the year before was 25 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Kobayashi (pardon the pun) devoured that record by downing FIFTY dogs AND buns in 12 minutes. Why, yes, that's about one dog every 14.4 seconds, that is correct! He uses a technique I've dubbed the "Snap n'Cram" where he snaps the hot dog in half and as that's being crammed into his mouth, he's dunking the bun in water and then sucking that up. It could also be called the "Watch and Vomit", as that's how I feel every year when I view this eating spectacle.

But there might be a problem with Kobayashi competing this year...as in, he might not compete. It seems that the governing body that sanctions these eating competitions, the International Federation of Competitive Eating (of course) has some sort of a contract that these guys have to sign in order to compete. Kobayashi doesn't want to sign the contract because he feels that it will "limit" his choices in eating competitions. The IFOCE claims that they always have to sign the contract and he's never had a problem with it before. They also liken his not signing to a quarterback wanting to play in the Super Bowl, but not join the NFL. That's a pretty good analogy. I don't know if it's accurate, but it's still pretty darn good. Now, they had the weigh-in yesterday and Kobayashi wasn't there. (I have no idea why they're weighing these folks. It's not like they're separated into weigh categories. They have one category. The Gluttonous. That's it. No need for weighing. But if it makes them feel better, then have at it, I guess.) But I'm still holding out hope that he will be there. You should hold out hope, too. It can't hurt.

So if he's there, he's the first guy you're going to want to pay attention to. (With any luck, there will be a shot of him lifting up his shirt at some point. You wouldn't know it to look at the guy, as he looks a bit scrawny, but he is incredibly muscular. Six pack abs and all! He puts The Situation to shame. Behold!)

Then there's reigning champion Joey Chestnut who hails from practically right down the road from my walled compound here in San Jose, CA (otherwise known as "The Valley"). If Kobayashi's technique is the "Snap n'Cram" Joey's technique is "The Cram n'Jump". And it's executed just like it sounds. He crams the hot dog and bun into his mouth and then kind of jumps up and down a little bit. It's sort of like how you shake a bottle of ketchup when the ketchup is all stuck in the neck, only it's in reverse and it's with a hell of a lot of hot dogs. Joey first beat Kobayashi in 2007 by eating an absolutely sickening 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes. If you think that's amazing, in 2008, after someone discovered some handwritten notes dating back to 1918 that had to contest as being for only 10 minutes, the International Federation OF Competitive Eating (I swear) wanted to be true to the roots of the contest and shortened the time by two minutes. So what happened? Joey and Kobayashi tied at 59 hot dogs and buns each and they had to go to a five dog eat off. Whoever could eat the five dogs the fastest wins.

While 5 hot dogs might not sound like much, you have to keep in mind that at this point, these guys just ATE 59 hot dogs. And they've stopped eating for at least five minutes before the dog-off starts. By then, I'm thinking that the chances for a, um, a reversal of fortune, shall we say, are more and more likely. I can't imagine you'd even want to look at another hot dog again for the rest of your life, let alone try and shove five more in your food hole. By the way, an eight pack of Nathan's dogs weighs 1 pound. Thus, not figuring in the weight of the buns, 64 hot dogs would weigh eight pounds! Add the buns and the water and you're easily cramming close to ten extra pounds INTO your body in ten minutes. That's a pound a minute for you folks out there too busy trying not to vomit to do the math. Gross.

So those are your two main players. But wait. There's more! You can't have an event such as this without someone calling the shots. You need an announcer. No, you need a color commentary guy. No, you need a guy with a love for literature. No, you need a wordsmith of the ages. A man who can take individual words and phrases and put them all in a proverbial hat, mix them up, pull them out and match 'em up as if they were Garanimals to construct and form the most utterly amazing sentences in the English language that you will ever hear in your entire life. You need George Shea.

George Shea is a national treasure. The man is brilliant. George Shea is the co-founder, along with his brother Richard, of the IFOCE and they both make the rounds on the competitive eating circuit announcing various events each year. And while I can't vouch for Richard's talents (and I have no reason to doubt that they're any less than formidable), I can vouch for George's skills and they are phenomenal. It's a combination between his love for language and love for watching and orchestrating competitive eating. The words that come out of his mouth are PURE poetry! A few examples from our national treasure, George Shea:

• They say that competitive eating is the battleground upon which God and Lucifer wage war for men's souls. (Um, WHO says that? WHEN do they say that?)
  
  
• For this is a battle of the ages. It's a battle of the titans. That man this is half God and half man and comes to earth only once!
  
  
• We arrive at this moment by the unswerving punctuality of chance! (I don't even know what in the hell that means, but I DO know that it's hilarious!)

• He is eating in an arena of pure emotion! This is about the triumph of the human spirit. It is nothing short of the triumph of the human spirit. As I said.
  
  
• It's like that song by David Bowie. Major Tom. You're enjoying it and then you realize how sad it is. Major Tom's not coming back. He's up in that tin can. He tells his wife he loves her very much! She knoooows. But it's very sad. Major Tom's not coming back. But the belt may be coming back to Brooklyn!
  

Finally. A wordsmith our country can be proud of! So, Sunday. 12 noon EST. ESPN. A bunch of guys and a couple of chicks eating hot dogs really fast with a guy doing beautiful and nutty commentary. It's sure to make you proud to be an American! But if you're still not convinced, there's an added bonus this year! Yes, an added incentive for you to tune in and feel your body awash from head to toe in American pride. According to the folks over there at CNN "As a lead-in to the main event, Major League Eating will hold a "cross-species" eating contest between three competitive eaters and three Asian elephants. Shea described it as the realization of one of his two lifelong dreams, the other being a scenario in which a dozen competitive eaters eat the entire contents of a convenience store."

God bless America! Land of the free! Home of the brave! And the place for eating competitions pitting humans against pachyderms! Two outta three ain't bad!

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They're Not Immigrants; They're Illegals!

A whole bunch of people have their shorts in a wad over a new law that was just recently passed and signed into law in Arizona. See, the law makes it illegal to be in this country illegally. And that makes some people (I'm guessing the softheaded ones AND the ones who ARE here illegally) angry. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to CBS, "...country civil rights advocates are protesting the immigration law with rallies and boycotts" because "They fear the new law will lead to harassment and racial profiling." Uhh, really? Have they read the law and what it entails? Or are they whining? I'm guessing whining. Let's take a look.

The law makes it "...a state crime to be in the U.S. illegally." Now, the fact that a law like this is even necessary is what should be drawing protesters. But, no. No, instead people are protesting. Go figure. The law also says that "Police will also now be able to ask anyone to prove their legal status by demanding to see a valid I.D. Violators could be arrested and sent to jail for up to 6 months." Oh, no! Are they kidding?! People will be made to produce a valid ID?? To prove that they are legally allowed to be in this country? Who came up with such madness?!

One of those who is against this is a one Julie Gonzales who with with something called Reform Immigration for America. (How ironic. This law seems to aim to do just that. Yet she's against it. Shocking.) She said, "Immigrant communities and Chicano communities across the state of Arizona are in a state of terror." Hmm. I don't think that they are. I really don't. Now, I would be more inclined to believe her if she had said that illegal immigrant communities were afraid. Sure, because THAT would make SENSE. But the thought that those who have immigrated here legally would be afraid? That's kooky talk, right there.

Ms. Gonzales claims that "Along with planning a May 1 rally they are preparing for Arizona families to flee and seek refuge in Colorado." Really? They think that folks that are in Arizona illegally are going to flee to Colorado? Huh. Good news for the legal residents of Arizona. And even better news for the legal residents of California, as we have our own illegal immigration issues here. We don't need any refugees from...Arizona? (I can't believe I just wrote that.)

Ms. Gonzales also said that, "We know that at least one family has come to Colorado, brought their families, dropped everything and left because there is such a state of panic." OK, that sentence doesn't even really make sense to me. But I find it highly amusing that because she knows of ONE family that bailed, that means that EVERYONE is going to be doing it. Sure. That's going to happen. Way to go, Arizona. I wish California had your guts.

Now, I realize that protesting this sort of law sounds ridiculous. That's because it IS ridiculous. But I didn't realize that not only were the softheads (and illegals) going to be out there saying how unfair it it, that one of the people who would be joining them, in essence, would be President Barry. What the what?! That's right. According to another one of the alphabet networks, ABC is reporting that President Barry said that he "...instructed members of my administration to closely monitor the situation and examine the civil rights and other implications of this legislation." Really? Has he not been briefed on what illegal immigration is and why it's a bad thing? Did he miss that part? I mean, he's really busy and all. I get that. But I was unaware that the civil rights that are afforded to citizens were now being afforded to people who are not only not citizens, but who are breaking the law as well. When did that start happening?

Perhaps President Barry should come out and live in some of these communities for a little while so that he can get a better idea of exactly how illegal immigration affects the lifestyles of those who are legal residents. California has almost three million illegal residents. With a statewide population of about 33,000,000, that's ten percent. Are you freaking kidding me?! Ten percent?! Do you know how much money is spent on this ten percent? A ridiculous amount. Oh, but that's OK because California has plenty of money just oozing all over the place, right? Uh, not exactly. The state is damn near broke. Yeah, that's right. It's a problem.

We are the only country in the world that deals with people who do not have a legal right to be in this country the way that we do. You might recall that those two American journalists who were allegedly on the wrong side of the border in North Korea were arrested, put on "trial" and ultimately sentenced to twelve years in a North Korean prison before ol' Willie Jeff Clinton went over and secured their release. They weren't living in North Korea. At the most, they were walking in North Korea. And they were looking at twelve years in jail! This country has people LIVING here without permission and we're supposed to be cool with that? I'm sorry, but I'm not. This law doesn't go too far. This law doesn't go far enough.

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Deal With It

Finally! A corporate response to an "incident" that I can finally get behind! I can only hope that more will follow. After all, it IS rather illogical to think that someone would have intentionally meant for a recipe to include "ground black people", right? Right. Wait. What?

Correct. According to the huffy folks over there at The Huffington Post, Penguin Group Australia published a cookbook called Pasta Bible. That's right. A bible for pasta. Anyway, there was a recipe in it for that dish that we've all had a hankerin' to cook at one point or another (or perhaps, not), something called spelt tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto. Tagliatelle is just a fancy-shmancy name for long, flat pasta. (Oh, how I long for the days when "noodles" would have been just fine.) Anyway, the recipe was was supposed to call for salt and freshly ground black pepper. Yeah. It read "salt and freshly ground black people". Oh. Awkward.

Now, if this had been Carl's Jr. or Burger King or any other corporate entity here in the US, they would have done what they always do and would have immediately caved to any sort of "complaints" about the issue. They would have removed every single book from the shelf and issued a ridiculously long apology that would have encompassed everything from the misprint to slavery itself. Then I would have had to see people on fallen-so-far-from-grace-CNN talking about how traumatized that they were and I would have had to listen to them demand an explanation. An explanation other than "Ooops", of course.

But not Penguin Group Australia. Their head of publishing, a one Bob Sessions, "...acknowledged the proofreader for the Pasta Bible should have picked up the error, but called it nothing more than a "silly mistake." I think I love Bob.

But here's the best part! He said, "We're mortified that this has become an issue of any kind and why anyone would be offended, we don't know." Yeah, I DO love Bob. He continued with, "We've said to bookstores that if anyone is small-minded enough to complain about this ... silly mistake, we will happily replace (the book) for them." Marry me.

Finally. Finally someone has some sense about these things. Finally someone just came out and said that they can't imagine why someone would be offended over something that was clearly not intended to offend. I love that he labeled them "small minded", though I would have been ecstatic if he had called them morons or softheads. I'm good with small minded, though.

But what about the books that are already on the shelves? Surely, they must be recalling those as quickly as possible, right? Not so fast. According to the article, "The reprint will cost Penguin 20,000 Australian dollars ($18,500), but books already in stores will not be recalled because doing so would be "extremely hard." Awesome. So, basically, deal with it.

This is what I want more of. I want to hear more often that folks shouldn't be getting upset or "offended" over something that is clearly a mistake. And since people are so damned whiny these days, I'd really like it if more corporations would take this approach. Just deal with it. You'll be fine.

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