That's Not Why

I'm going to make this brief because I had thought that we had already gone past this. Apparently not. Remember last summer when some lunatic in Norway went on a rampage and shot and killed 77 people? He was a most prolific lunatic indeed. Now he's in a Norwegian court (whatever that means) and this is the crap that he's pulling. Behold!

In case you can't read that (and have forgotten how to click to make the pretty pictures bigger) the caption on the left reads: Killer Breivik trained on video games for massacre. Anders Behring Breivik, who admits killing 77 people in Norway last summer, tells a court he used a video game to train for the shooting spree on the island of Utoya. (Wasn't Utoya Michael Jackson's sister? No, wait. That was LaToya. Honest mistake. Never mind.) And the asinine caption on the right reads "Anders Behring Breivik posted details of the murderous intentions online before last year's Norway massacre. Andrew Keen questions whether the internet, social media and video games encourage his actions." Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!

Do people really think that playing video games can lead them to kill 77 people? Really? Why would that be? Because there's killing in video games? And since there's killing in video games then that would influence someone to kill in real life? Well, in order for that to be true, wouldn't one have to look at the overall influence of video games as a whole in order to determine their effect (if any) on human behaviors? It wouldn't just be the violent stuff that influences people, right? It would be the non-violent stuff as well, wouldn't it? I don't see how you could argue a theory about video game violence encouraging violent behaviors without seeing if the video game influence encouraged other behaviors as well.

Seriously, if video games were that influential over people wouldn't the majority of people on Facebook be farmers right now? Do you know how many times Farmville has been installed? Over 110 million times. Over 63 million people dink around with that ridiculously annoying game every month. 32 million people waste time with that game every single day. Where are ALL THE FARMERS?!

Let me explain something that, if you're reading this blog, you probably already know. Sometimes, the most likely explanation for something is also the easiest explanation. I guess people don't like easy very much because those explanations almost never come up. In the case of this nutjob in Norway, I'll explain to you exactly what happened. And I'm going to try not to get all technical so that I'm easily understood. Stop me if I go too fast or there's something confusing about this. Ready? Here goes...Some people are just freaking crazy.

That's it! That's all there is. Simple enough? You'd think that it would be. But I guess that the news outlets wouldn't get enough ratings if they reported the news like: "Today in Norway, a man killed 77 innocent people. Some folks are just freaking crazy. Now we go to Bob with the weather. Bob..." I'm sorry that sometimes crazy people get in the way of not crazy people. But it happens. And it certainly isn't going to do any good to blame video games for the aforementioned craziness, all right? Video games didn't make that guy kill all of those people. He just did. And I'm sorry that it happened, but not so sorry that I'm going to start feeding into BS theories that have absolutely no basis in fact. Now for the weather...

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They're Not "More" Mad

Oh, look! It's my favorite ridiculous statement that comes out after the U.S. has killed a high profile terrorist-y type of guy. This time, it comes on the heels of the killing of a one Anwar Al-Awlaki, an American born Islamic extremist who found himself getting droned to death the other day. (I'll say one thing about President Barry: He is a President who is fond of the drone. He uses those things all the time and for everything. And I don't have a problem with it, I'm just sayin'. He's really drone-y.) See, according to CNN, "U.S. officials are warning the killing of American-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, the face of al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, could spark retaliatory attacks". I see. Also according to the statement, this guy's death "...could provide motivation for homeland attacks" by "homegrown violent extremists," the type the two men allegedly tried to recruit or inspire."



I don't know that it would only take the death of this particular weird beard to "provide motivation" for attacks on the United States (aka, the aforementioned homeland). I mean, isn't their hatred of the US and our Western culture in general the basis for their attacks in the first place? Can we really do anything else to piss them off even more? I find it hard to believe that's possible. They're willing to take us out over absolutely nothing. I'd be surprised if they feel that they need more reasons to hate us and want to kill us. ("He's dead? They killed him? Well, I might have been on the fence before, but this changes everything! Quick! Get on Craigslist and find me a car to blow up in a densely populated area of a city.") I'm just not seeing it.



I'm not quite sure why they issue these types of warnings. Didn't we get something similar to this when we shot bin Laden in the eye and then dumped him off of a ship in the middle of the ocean so that he could go and live in a pineapple under the sea? Didn't we hear something to the effect of there may be retaliatory attacks for that as well? Yeah, so let me get this straight. NOW we should be worried that we've ANGERED these nutjobs and NOW they're going to try to kill us? Aren't they already trying to kill us? Are they really any more angry because we took out one of their Islamic extremist poster children? I can't imagine that they are. They don't seem to really need much of a reason to want to and/or try to kill innocent people. Their own hate and anger seem to fuel that fire all on its own.

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Gotcha!

Well. I had no idea that I would be writing about this today. And I must say, it has been a very welcomed surprise. Ding-dong, bin Laden is dead.

When I heard that President Barry was going to address the nation tonight, I was really hoping that it was going to be about aliens. But the way that it turned out ended up being at least one hundred times better. Turns out that ol' Weird Beard was holed up in a walled-off compound (that I cannot wait to hear more about and perhaps model my own after) in someplace called Abbottabad which is in Pakistan. And since we're fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, it totally makes sense that he's in Pakistan, right? Don't answer that. The point is that he's dead. And it's about freaking time.

And look, while I complain and bitch about a lot of things here, it doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty proud to be an American. And it's on days like this that I'm really proud. And while I'll be in a celebratory mood tonight (I'm writing this on Sunday), tomorrow I'm going to start looking for signs that this is the beginning of the end of us at war in other countries,. Oh, and I'll also be waiting to see the death certificate.

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Ready, Aim, Fire! Finally.

In what appears to be quite possibly the lamest, last ditch effort to save oneself from having their death penalty carried out, a one Ronnie Lee Gardner has asked the Utah Board of Pardons and Parole for clemency. His rationale? Oh, he's sorry. And he's different. And he's changed. Oh, and he thinks that he has plans (that may or may not involve Oprah Winfrey) "...to develop 160 acres in northern Utah for an organic farm and residential program for children...so he can help troubled kids avoid the kind of problems that landed him on death row." Uh-huh. Wait. What?

Correct. Meet Ronnie Lee Gardner. Ronnie's name is all too familiar to Utahns. Gardner was in a courtroom about to be tried for one murder and in an escape attempt, ended up killing an attorney. Oh, whoops! Gardner received the death penalty back in, oh, 1985. That's right. 1985. 25 years ago. How, exactly, is that a "penalty"? Should it really take twenty five freaking years to off this guy? It's not like there's a lot to argue here. He killed both of them. It's completely obvious. He did it. He's guilty. Why has he not been dead for a long time at this point? Who knows? I don't get it.

And another thing that I don't get is his latest attempt to spare his own life. Mind you, when this guy was asked what method he would prefer his execution to be, when given the choice between lethal injection and firing squad, this nutjob chose the firing squad. His reasoning? He's been shot several times before. He knows what that feels like. He doesn't know what lethal injection feels like, so he figured that he'd just go with what he was familiar with. Being shot. If you're that familiar with being shot, I certainly hope that you're not surprised that your ass ended up on death row.

But in this latest stunt (which seems like it's probably more for his own amusement and a good way to pass the time), he's trying to convince folks that he's a changed guy. Now, never mind that he "...had long been a problem inmate – instigating a riot, stabbing another prisoner and attempting multiple escapes, one of which was successful." Sure, that happened. But that was in the past. It's not the past anymore. It's the present and he's sorry. He even explains those things, according to an article over there at The Huffington Post, by telling the Board, "I was a nasty little bugger, I admit to it...I'm not changing to save my life. I've changed because I needed to change." A nasty little bugger? Um, sir, when you kill a couple of people for no reason what so ever, you're a little bit more than "a nasty little bugger". No, you, sir, are an a-hole. That's a little different.

But he has a plan! Here's the deal: Commute his sentence and he, along with the help of his brother, will get to work "...on his idea for the "Back to Basics" program" because he "...wants to help prevent kids from traveling down a path to violence and criminal activity." Hmmm. I think that this idea might have been more well received had he not already murdered two people. Now maybe that's just me, but I don't think so. After all, he apparently contacted The Oprah a couple of years ago to see if she would help him get this off the ground. I'm guessing that she declined.

And he's clearly thought this through. See, "He said he's earned about $1,300 selling prison artwork and crafts – handmade baby booties and handkerchiefs – to start the project." Yeah, um, no. How is $1,300 going to develop "...160 acres in northern Utah for an organic farm and residential program"? Oh, that's right. It's not. It's not now. It never will. And how sweet that he earned his money by handmaking baby booties! Who in the world is buying prison made baby booties?! Have y'all never heard of Baby Gap?!

I find these last minute pleas for clemency to be insulting to the memories of those who died needlessly at the hands of people like Mr. Gardner. I find it insulting for the relatives of those who died. I find it insulting all the way around. I understand that this is the way that our system works and that it's what makes our system the greatest in the world, but when it comes to pieces of trash like Ronnie Lee Gardner, I kind of wish that there was some sort of an out clause in the system.

You don't want kids to grow up and turn out like you did, Mr. Gardner? Tell you what. How about you pipe down and let those fine marksmen over there at the prison shoot a bunch of holes in you until you're good and dead? And then after they've placed your body in a Hefty bag and set it by the curb (seems like a proper burial), how about then if we tell kids about how things ended up for you? That seems a little bit more reasonable than letting you live. Fortunately, the last time that a death sentence was commuted in Utah was in 1962. And if that sort of reason prevails here, that will continue to stand as the last commutation in Utah. Then they can get down to business and execute this "nasty little bugger". Finally.

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It's A Hallucination And You Know It Is!

From the files of "Don't do drugs, kids", a one 26-year old and old enough to know better, Jarrod Wyatt who is "...believed to have taken psychedelic mushrooms" is accused of (even though it's fairly obvious that he did this) "...brutally murdering his 21-year-old friend, Adam Powell" and, among other atrocities, "...cutting out his victim's tongue and heart." All of this according to the Times-Standard, which appears to serve Eureka and California's North Coast. Eww.

Now, I'm not suggesting that I have never imbibed in any sort of mind altering substances. I am frequently fueled by the grape or by the wheat (more frequently when writing this sort of blather, can't you tell?). In my rowdier days, I will even admit to having imbibed in substances that were not of a liquid variety. And all of that being said, I am going to state that regardless as to what I was indulging in, I knew that I was willfully (and more importantly) purposefully altering my brain. Thus, anything that I encountered during said state of alteration, was not to be taken too seriously. As a good friend of mine once said, "You know a hallucination is a hallucination!" But apparently, not everyone is aware of that.

Such seems to be the case with Mr. Wyatt. See, Mr. Wyatt and his friend (soon to become victim) "...became preoccupied with the idea that a tidal wave was coming, that the end of the world was upon them and that a struggle between God and the devil was taking place." That's a pretty wide variety of stuff there. Which one do you start to worry about first? The tidal wave? The end of the world? (It's unclear if the end of the world was to be caused by the tidal wave.) The God v. Devil attraction? (It's unclear if the end of the world, which possibly would have been cause by the aforementioned tidal wave, would have been the scenario for the God v. Devil showdown.) Hard to say.

The events that transpired after those preoccupations are also hard to determine. But what seems to be clear is that at some point, Powell was stabbed and hopefully, to death because also, "The body had had the majority of its face removed, and an 18-inch incision in its chest cavity." Yeah, that chest cavity was where his heart used to be. Mr. Wyatt took it out. That's right. Out. And then he did just about what you'd expect a nutjob like this to do. That's right. He cooked it in a wood burning stove. Wait. He did what?

You heard me. He took out his heart and cooked it in a wood burning stove. You know. To get rid of the devil and all. OK, then. I'm sure that at this point, you're kind of wondering what a fellow such as Mr. Wyatt looks like. Let me just tell you that he looks precisely as you probably think that he looks. Behold!

See? Told you. Now, I'm not thinking that it's going to be all that hard to convince Mr. Wyatt. After all, when the cops found him in the house where Mr. Powell had been killed, he was "...standing near a body on a couch, naked and covered from head to toe in what appeared to be dried blood." He also allegedly said, ”I killed him.” Yep. That oughta do it.

Now, listen, I'm not saying that the psychedelic mushroom tea that they are purported to have drank before all of this "tidal wave-end of the world-he is the devil" talk had nothing to do with it. Clearly, it had a lot to do with it. But what in the world did he think was going to happen when he was trippin' on shrooms? Seriously now. That's the point of ingesting the psychedelics. They make you see things that aren't there. Some people seem to enjoy that. ( Though I'm not quite sure why. I get annoyed enough at things that are actually here. I don't need stuff that doesn't exist hanging around and bugging the crap out of me, too.)

This gets back to what my good friend told me. You're taking a substance that is a known hallucinogenic. Therefore, you're going to hallucinate. You could (translation: most likely) see some pretty weird stuff going on. But that's only because you've induced yourself to the point where that's what is supposed to happen in those circumstances. You know what you do in those instances? That's right. You go with it! You don't stab your friend because you think he's the devil! You never rip off his face and you most certainly do not remove his heart from his chest and bake it in an oven, wood burning or otherwise!

People that say that they have no control over themselves in these situations are wrong. This is evidenced by the thousands of people who take psychedelic mushrooms and don't remove someone else's internal organs. You know what you're doing at the time that you're doing it. You just need to take the time and think about why you're doing it at the time that you're doing it. If you're doing it because you're suddenly under the belief that you need to intervene with the devil, you might want to just sit down for a moment or two and see what happens. Chances are that nothing will. (I know, I know, there's a first time for everything, but I really think that you're going to be OK in this instance.) And above all, you have to remember that you're under the influence of (in this case) shrooms! You wanted to hallucinate! And now you are! That doesn't mean that it's any more real just because it's not all bunnies and puppies and you don't like it! Now, put the knife down and get a grip on yourself.

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