Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Meet With Meat

So, you need a business card, do you? Want something original? Something that will make folks remember that they crammed it in their pocket or purse just moments after you gave it to/forced it upon them? A card that is not only noteworthy and unique, but also mouth watering scrum-diddily-umptous? Huh? Not really? Hmmm. Well, what if you did want that?! Then you'd want Meat Cards! ("I would?" "You WOULD!")

Two great things that go great together. No, not the classic (and NORMAL) peanut butter and chocolate, but rather business cards and meat. Beef jerky to be exact. Now I'm sure that you're thinking, among other things like WTF, how do business cards and meat have anything at all to do with each other? That's the beauty of this. Separately, they have very little to do with each other. But if you combine the two and add the technology of a laser, you've got yourself a business card on a slab of beef jerky. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? THOSE are meat cards. Business cards made from meat and engraved with a laser. Laser carved meat cards. According to the aptly named website, meatcards.com "Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS." Well, you can't argue with that. Can you? Never mind. Onward.

It would seem that the theory behind this concept as a useful product is...well...I don't know that there is one. But they do claim that "Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards." Now, I KNOW you can't argue with THAT! What's not to love? Meat. Good. Business cards. Um, good? Not resorting to cannibalism when all of the banks fail and we're thrust into the apocalyptic depression of 2009-2010? Priceless.

What might one do with a Meat Card? Well, if you're thinking about filing it away in your Rolodex, think again. "MEAT CARDS do not fit in a Rolodex, because their deliciousness CANNOT BE CONTAINED in a Rolodex." (They have a point.)

Good to know. Good to know.These guys get their jerky from Werner Gourmet Meat Snacks, Inc. in Tillamook, Oregon and they're as of lately, still in the prototype and testing phase of this project. There have been some bumps along the way.

Nothing with jerky is ever smooth. Hence the name: jerky. "Each piece of jerky is about 4" wide by 11" long. There are lots of holes in the jerky, which we hadn't expected (our expectations are completely irrelevant, of course, we are not Jerky Experts)." Clearly, after reading that sort of narrative disclosure, they're honest boys. What could possibly go wrong?

I'm not even going to dignify my own rhetorical question with a hypothetical response. But if you want some business cards made of out beef jerky and etched with a laser, you have found your mother lode for just such a desire. Personally, I think they may be onto something, but they might be taking it in an unsustainable direction. Here's a take on the whole meat and lasers theme: Sear stuff, like company logos, website URLs, etc. on things like hot dogs and steaks. Serve them up at the company picnic! Give them to potential clients! OK, that's all I've got. But I wish them the best of luck with this laser meat thing. It's good to have goals.

According to the website, Meat Cards is a joint production of four separate entities, one of which is Takiro Interactive, the maker of Nerd Merit Badges! At 1.5 inches and fully embroidered with a Velcro back, they can be attached to a variety of different surfaces such as your backpack or your jacket. In true Nerd Merit Badge form, you could even start your own Nerd Badge Sash! Well, OK then.

Good to know that even in these 'tough economic times' entrepeneurialism is still alive and well deep, deep, DEEEEEEP down in the heart of the Internet. Here's to hoping it doesn't escape.

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grannyann said...

I have a feeling entrepreneurialism is going to save the country and its economy. It is going to have to be the little uy with the big ideas because big government is going to just get us into trouble.

Mare said...

If one gets too many of these in their wallet, they're going to need some sort of a rack to carry around with them. Probably a drying rack, but a rack none the less.

What happens when one gets hungry and snacks on a card? Then what?

~ M